


But The Void Did Not Stare Back

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ableist Language, Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Real World, Alternative Universe - The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Anal Sex, Beating, Blackouts, Consensual Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Gore, Graphic Description of Corpses, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Multi, Murder Mystery, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Phobias, Post-Divorce, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sadism, Sexual Abuse, Sleepwalking, Slurs, Smoking, Tattoos, Thriller, Torture, Trans Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Transgender, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Verbal Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 20:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 78,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin Smith is a divorced reporter with a reputation of a stony face and a personality to match. After he comes out on the losing end of a lawsuit, a friend comes forward, with an offer to work his community service hours off for his non-profit company. He accepts, and before he knows it, Erwin finds himself thrown into a murder investigation of several people. With no leads on who the killer is, there's only one common trait between the victims; all of them have been grotesquely mutilated.</p><p>Levi Ackerman is a transitioning male-to-female hacker, plagued with memory loss, and a variety of other issues. Despite it, she has secured a steady job, but still needs a guardian to function in society. Over the years she has noticed her troubles with sleeping, and decides something is awry. Levi starts to take notice to how close in proximity murders have been to her town. When the cases turn cold, she notices it seems only one man is determined not to give up, and she may be the only person that can help. What she finds however, may have been more than she bargained for after all.</p><p>Based on "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out Pops a Demon

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Eruri AU out of my head, so here we are. Most of the story will be very similar to the first book's plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Eruri AU out of my head, so here we are. Most of the story will be very similar to the first book's plot.

 

_JANUARY 1994_

_._

_._

_._

_I met her._

* * *

 

It’s something of a hideous irony, that Erwin Smith’s intent is to be the mouthpiece for people to speak through, and he has now sufficiently silenced the people he wrote on behalf of. The court proceedings continued, and he had coughed into his handkerchief for the fifth time, feeling like bile would come up. Nothing did, just his words felt stuck to his throat as insult and slander came to him. It didn’t show; Erwin was well known as the stone-faced reporter.

            He wasn’t going to win. He knew that. As soon as Reiss Industry came after his report, he found all his sources had dried up, and there was no legitimate proof of his claim against so called “slave labor” which Reiss operated his business with. Immigrants and prisoners both trapped in a vicious system, yet Erwin knew he’d come out unscathed. Since so much of the court had pushed the violation of the first amendment in favor for Erwin, he had some leeway. It wasn’t so bad. Either five months in prison, or 150 hours of community service. Erwin wasn’t foolish, and considering his credibility was tarnished, he had to save face. He picked community service.

            It was snowing for days in Washington D.C. and winter had drawn closer towards the holidays. Erwin knew that was part of why he had gotten some slack. However, Rod Reiss wasn’t particularly appreciative of what had happened, and Erwin had a good feeling when the Christmas season wore off, he’d be slapped with another lawsuit from Rod. He’d probably sue. It wouldn’t benefit him, but it would be more of a blow to Erwin’s reputation, which most corporates wanted for a while. Erwin reported for a human rights based magazine, however they wrote about many other issues, especially with the abuse of the law in the United States. It got all sorts of corporations either pissed or scared shitless. The economy was already as fragile as an egg, the last thing they wanted was someone busting them wide open.

            Erwin kicked his boots off when he landed outside his apartment. After dodging some news anchors and photographers he was able to answer minimal questions about the lawsuit and hop into a taxi. He touched his shoulder bag, brushing the snow off his shoulders. This was the coldest it had been in Maryland for a while. Icicles were forming around the edge of the balconies for the apartments in Erwin’s building. He pulled his key from his inner pocket, and climbed up towards the fourth floor. The elevator had been faulty before, and after being trapped in it for about two hours one day, he decided he’d rather get the exercise and climb the stairs.

            It was a cheap apartment, that was to say it was a cramped studio apartment. The living room, kitchen, and bedroom was just blended into one crowded area, and his bathroom and closet were the only separate rooms. The balcony gave a view of the front street, and the kitchen had a small window over the sink, but it only showed the fire escape and a brick wall. Erwin had two huge bookcases both next to each other, somewhat signifying where the kitchen ended and the living room started. There was an overstuffed green armchair, at the corner of the wall in the back, and the kitchen tile started.

The carpet was a dark ugly red but not nearly as bad as the green and gold fleur-de-lis wallpaper covering every inch of the walls. The kitchen was just a row in the far back. A fridge, a stove, some semblance of a countertop, and a sink. Above was four cupboards.  There was a small table which Erwin used to eat on, but now it just held a microwave and a toaster, and he stuck to eating on the armchair or in bed. On the side Erwin had a small wooden box with glass doors which he kept some booze inside for special occasion. The only bed that fit in the room and could fit Erwin was a long twin sized bed, close to the wall of his closet. The bathroom was actually a decent size, and included a bathtub. He stood in the small entryway, wondering if he should take a hot bath. He decided against it, and just went to the wooden box, and pulled a bottle of Jägermeister and taking a few heavy drinks before laying down in bed. He searched the small headboard over his bed, which served as a nightstand. He produced a remote, and flicked the T.V. on. He pulled off his shoes, and left the coat on the dining table.

            Erwin set his shoulder bag down at the side of his bed, and shifted under the covers. He turned on the lamp overhead, and reached into his bag for his reading glasses as he pulled out some paperwork he had to sort through. He glanced up, expecting to see the weather, or something about him and the Reiss trial, and paused at what was on the screen.

BODY OF MISSING GIRL FOUND FLOATING IN LAKE WASHINGTON, SEATTLE

            “Seattle?” Erwin mumbled aloud, and turned the volume up.

            _“—he body was identified dentally as 19-year-old Annie Dawk, and is confirmed to be the woman who went missing nearly two weeks ago. The body was found by a local fisherman who had been sailing at the time. It appears the girl was murdered only a few hours ago, but autopsy has yet to confirm this report—”_

            Erwin stared, most of the footage was just of Lake Washington being dredged for any evidence, but everything came up empty. He adjusted his glasses, staring at the text. It flashed to the man who found the body, some shaky older resident dressed in yellow overalls and goulashes, he looked off, horrified in some way, but he had nothing interesting to say. There was a picture of Annie, blond hair tied back in a bun, her lip pierced, and dressed in a denim jacket and red shirt. Her eyes looked familiar, but Erwin couldn’t place it. He thought over what the anchorwoman just said.

            “Identified dentally… huh?” He mused to himself. Murdered last night? It would’ve made sense to him if she had been murdered two weeks ago, but if it was fresh? Nothing could deteriorate that quickly. Even the fingerprints would still be in tact considering the cold weather. The only conclusion Erwin could come to was her face, arms, and legs would’ve had to be completely mutilated beyond recognition if they had to use dental records. Erwin could imagine for a moment exactly how torn up a body had to be for that to be the case.

            “God.” Erwin huffed. “Look at you.” He muttered, trying to stop himself from ruminating on the topic. He uncapped the bottle of Jägermeister, and stared at the date on the News station. December 22nd. He’d have to pack for Portland soon.

            “Happy holidays.” Erwin toasted to nothing in particular, and drank a large enough gulp to make his eyes crinkle. He swallowed, silenced the T.V. and went back to work.

* * *

 

_It’s sort of beautiful in a way. Twisted, broken, maimed like this. Her arms came off so easily it was as if they just popped off like Lego pieces. The legs were more difficult. So thick, and so much sinew. You really had to saw into the bones. Of course, when it got to that point, she wasn’t screaming anymore. They either passed out, swallowed the rag in their mouth and suffocated, or simply died from shock. Annie stuck it out though. She was a trooper. It was amazing how her eyes still continued to look around when her skull top was cracked off, and exposed her brain. It was overkill, perhaps, but she was dying anyway, wasn’t she?_

_She had beautiful eyes. That was the decided trophy. The eyeball was tough to pull out. Once your fingers get inside the skull, you really have to pull to get the sucker out of there. After the first one came out, she passed out. The second one was a bit easier since her eyelid wasn’t trying to flutter shut. Her eyes were blue, like a soft blue sky, no, no, like blue cotton candy, pastel, blueish white. The jar at home would finally have a little trophy to keep it company._

_The body sinks in the water when it’s thrown, but it surfaces, and bobs. The tidal current takes her, just as planned, and the only thing left are little bloody footprints in the snow. Snow had been falling the whole time, and it continued, layer after layer after layer, and soon the little area was pristine, soft, and white. Not a trace left behind. Just a rustle in the barren trees, and the soft babbling of the river mouth leading to Lake Washington._

* * *

 

            Levi woke with a start. Her hands were numb, body trembling, and a howl in the shaking trees startled her. She grasped her chest, letting her heart rate come down, and groaned softly. She looked down at the snow around her. It was hard to move. How long was I here? She questioned herself. Levi gave a good look around.

            Where am I? Levi pressed her lips together, licking the dry chapped skin. She rubbed her eye, and felt a cold gel smear.

            “Ah—” she groaned aloud, and pulled her hands away. She froze. In the dappled moonlight coming through the dead trees. She smelt rust and rot on her face. Her obsidian eyes fixated on the view in front of her. Red. Red liquid all over her hands, and on the snow around her. She put her hand down, against her thigh where she kept her kitchen knife. It was missing. She shivered, and rose from her sitting spot. Her bottom down towards her calves were numb. Still, she stumbled, shaking, turning backwards to look. There was red in the snow. The smell of rust was potent. She heard the water splashing.

            Levi turned away from that place, and walked in the other direction. For her, she was lucky, at the very least, that the clothing she wore was black, the leather jacket just made it look shinier, not red. She saw moonlight in the distance, and limped towards it. There was some benches, all covered in snow. She knew this place.

            “Seward Park?” she muttered aloud. She hadn’t come here. Levi never went to any parks. However, she at least knew where it was. She limped over to the road. Levi checked around herself. Her boots weren’t tracking any red liquid, thankfully, but her whole body felt gross, sticky and cold. She hurried. There were no lights on the road around the small peninsula, so she used it to her benefit. She walked. It felt like there was nothing else she could do.

            It was unclear how long Levi walked, but when they were back home, the moon had sunk, and the first rays of light was creating a sheen on the grey clouds above. Levi hobbled into her house. She looked herself in the mirror, and waited for the water to get warm before she washed her face. Red. Red running off her hands, all over her face, slick on her jacket. She smelt it. Rust and rot scented. She swallowed thick. Using extra care, she pulled off her ear piercings, four on each side, her nose piercing, and the two snake bites. She washed her hands, and scrubbed with the steel wool before removing her tongue piercing. Her hair was always short, kept shaven underneath, just up to the tips of her ears. The hairstyle was easier, for maintenance anyway, but she wasn’t concerned about that. Her head felt wet. Her hair was clumped and slimy as well. She ran her fingers through the short strands of black hair.

            Red.

            This had to be a joke.

            Levi put her hand out, testing the water, making sure it was near scalding, and began to strip. The clothing felt wet, but she was shivering, and she just wanted to bathe, and sleep. Levi stared at her tattoos in the bathroom mirror. She touched the small purple lightning bolt behind her ear. The padlock on her wrist, the dotted line under her neck, and the large tattoo of a Valkyrie standing in the stir-ups of her horse, slaying a warrior. Her entire body was covered in armor, her head covered in a helmet. Her wings were black, like a raven, and only stretched out half-way. The Valkyrie had a spear in one hand, a drinking horn in the other. The spear was piercing through the warrior, blood spilling, their face looked like one of relief. The tattoo started on her left shoulder blade, and covered the entirety of her back, just above her buttocks.

            Her hair showered red over her whole face, down her shoulders, and she could only watch herself in horror, steam trailing around her.

            She scrubbed her scalp until it was red and raw. She scoured her whole body, looking over every inch of herself.

            There wasn’t a single wound to be found.

            She stared at her hands. Her knuckles were callous and knobby where the bones were busted and healed back thicker. Her whole body felt fine. The smell of rot was thick in her nose. The wash went on so long that Levi’s skin was red and raw all over. She smelt thickly of eucalyptus soap, and felt a bit better. She stared down at herself. Her breasts were small, and she felt around the small mound, as if she could feel the development. She glanced down towards her crotch, staring at the sport tape keeping her cock tucked there. As she washed carefully, the tape slipped off fairly easy. Instinctively her legs came together. There was a slight discomfort from the sensation. Levi picked up the tape to toss it away later. Levi shaved her crotch cleanly, and smoothed the razor over her legs. She simply learned the hard way not to tape one’s crotch when there was pubic hair growing.

            Levi dried herself. She tried to avoid thinking about all the red running into the drain. She stared at herself in the mirror, and saw her hands still shaking.

            “Fuck.” She huffed.

            Levi wrapped her body in a towel, and walked back outside. The room was freezing, but she instinctively went to the kitchen, pulling open a draw crowded with all sorts of junk. She pulled a carton of cigarettes out. American Spirits. She produced a cigarette, and a box of matches. She watched the flame for a while, and pressed it to the cigarette. She inhaled. Soft white smoke billowed from her nose, and she tilted her head back, smoke exiting her mouth.

Dark tinges of orange started to lighten the outside world, and the yellow was hazy and light as the sun came up, only to be shrouded by the grey-white sky. Levi sat in her bed, naked, smoking. Carefully, she pulled her laptop from her the corner of her nightstand, as well as a small camera. Her hands trembled. She had set up her camera to the laptop. She stopped the recording, and started the video. Levi turned her head, looking to the clock above the dining room table. It was 8:01 in the morning. She checked the video on the laptop. Eleven hours of footage.

            “All right…”

            Levi stood, and went to the large closet at the foot of her bed. She slipped on a pair of panties, tucking her cock in the gaff, and pulled on her training bra. She typically slept in her underwear. Laying her body down on the bed, she fast forwarded the footage as fast as she could go. The first two hours was nothing, just a video of herself lying in bed. She saw movement, and watched herself slip off the covers.

            She smoked. Her hands started to shake more. She paused the video. 12:37am. She put it to normal speed. Levi watched herself put on the clothing she had just discarded in the bathroom. She watched herself retrieving the kitchen knife, and placing it into the small thigh strap she purchased. She left the house. 12:41am. She returned. 7:28am.

            She smoked. Six hours and forty-seven minutes.

            “You’re going farther than normal…” she mumbled to herself, perhaps literally, as if she wanted someone to respond. Levi pulled up a map of Washington, and focused in on Seattle, and quickly Seward Park. She marked the location. “At least I know where this time.”

            Her body felt stiff, and she still felt cold. Levi slid over the bed, grasping the ashtray at the windowsill. She tapped the ashes away, and stamped out the half-smoked cigarette. She saved the video into a folder labeled “EVIDENCE”. She wrapped her blanket around her body, and felt her eyelids were heavy. A whole night of sleep lost again. She typed out an email that she would be missing work today. Levi took extensive pains to plug in the laptop carefully, and finally laid herself flat. She stared at the ceiling, eyes half-lidded with worry.

            “Don’t go anywhere today goddamn it.” Levi muttered, as if to stop her body from not cooperating with her mind. The fear of sleeping still stuck to her, and the smell of iron rusting was strong. She stared at the ceiling until she felt herself sinking, fading back into the darkness, encompassing, washing over her. She gazed into the black abyss.

            In the dark, a pair of blue eyes stared back.

* * *

 

It had to be only a few hours after Erwin arrived into Portland that the phone call came in. The flight had delayed six hours, and Erwin had only just arrived in time for Christmas Eve dinner. He was the last to arrive. This was his fifth Christmas without his mother, though his eldest sister, Alice seemed to have nominated herself as the new mother in charge. She was the eldest after all. Their mother had left the house in her name, and Alice made it a point to invite everyone over for Christmas.

            Erwin sat alongside his ex-wife, Lucia, and their two children. His eldest was Manfred, the boy had turned 22 recently, had gotten alcohol poisoning twice, and just received his 30-day coin from alcoholics anonymous. He was a quiet, high strung ball of anxiety, and Erwin could still see it. The boy was doing his best not to touch any egg nog or Glühwein. He had eyes like his mother, gunmetal grey, and thin eyebrows. The second was Gertrude, 16, she had hair thick and blond like her fathers, and bright green eyes. It had been years since Erwin saw her in person. Gertrude had dyed her hair cherry red and wore a leather studded jacket with a satanic pentagram t-shirt. She was at the age where just about anything set her off. Manfred was around the age of mellowing down and being crushed by the reality of adult life.

            Erwin loved them more than anything else in the world.

            At dinner Gertrude was arguing with her mother and getting weird glances from Erwin’s family. She had nearly screamed at Erwin for calling her “Trudy” as she no longer liked the nickname. Erwin made sure to take care when speaking to her, he only wished to do it out of respect, something he knew she’d seldom run into considering her motif. Both of the kids seemed not too thrilled to see him, and Erwin did his best to make sure he didn’t show how much it hurt.

Erwin had three other siblings, all younger than himself, Johan, Warren, and Loretta, the youngest. She was a good twelve years younger than Erwin, and just had her second child, who was only six months old. The distance Erwin had between most of the family made it a bit difficult to be around them. For the most part, Erwin felt he was there to shield his children from his sibling’s scrutiny, as well as being able to see them again. Erwin was finished with Christmas dinner for the most part, and held Loretta’s baby in his lap, when he heard his cellphone ringing.

“Ah—” Erwin tried not to swear in irritation while the baby was sitting on his lap. He glanced down at the number. Unknown Caller. He rolled his eyes, turning to Lucia. “Lucia?”

“Here.” Lucia grasped the baby under their arms and brought them into her lap. “Go.” She waved him away with her hand. Erwin nodded a silent thank you for her understanding, and stood up, walking forward towards the front of the house. He slid his finger over the phone to answer.

            “Look, if you’re calling about the trial, you’ve got some nerve to bother me on Christmas Eve. I’m not telling you anything—”

            “Erwin.”

            The voice makes Erwin freeze. He stares outside, the snow stopped falling an hour ago, and everything was blanketed in white. Erwin walked into the living room, trying to give himself time to connect the voice to a person.

            “Nile?” Erwin spoke up.

            “Yes?” Nile responded.

            “Hell, I haven’t spoken to you in years. Sorry about that.” Erwin said. “What’s the occasion? It’s Christmas Eve—”

            “You have 150 hours of community service lined up for you. And I have a favor to ask. So I think we can both benefit from this.” Nile’s tone was dead serious. No seasonal joy in him. “I can’t request this to you over the phone. Can you come to my house? I’ll pay for a plane ticket. December 29th would be best. I’ll send you your information, if you’re willing.”

            Erwin took in the information, and sighed into the phone. “Where do you live?”

            “Seattle.”

            “Right. I could just drive up there.”

            “I know. Don’t. I just need to talk to you face to face on my own terms. This is personal.”

            Erwin didn’t like the sound of it, but it wasn’t exactly like he had other plans. “All right. Send me the info. I’ll be there.”

            “I’ll send a driver to pick you up at the airport.”

            Nile hung up before Erwin could respond. He sighed, looking to the Christmas tree in the living room. There were all sorts of gifts, though his gifts were only two small envelopes for his children. Since being away made it hard to know what they wanted, he decided to just give a fat amount of cash and some gift cards and they could buy something they liked. He knew better than to guess what his children liked. Part of Erwin wanted to ask Nile if he could be sent up sooner, but he decided against it.

            Christmas passed, and everyone passed gifts around. Lucia had gotten him a sweater despite his constant dismissing of presents. It was a grey cashmere sweater; the kind he usually wore in the cold. She had remembered what he liked.

            Erwin wore it the day he left Portland. He told them he had business that couldn’t be ignored, and some other lies that his ex-wife and children didn’t believe for a second. Still, he was let go, and he carried his single suitcase to his rental car, and brushed the snow off before getting in. The flight was short, it wasn’t a far distance, but Nile had sent him everything through an email. Despite everything feeling so unusual and uncomfortable, Erwin didn’t think Nile had any ire, and their friendship never took a wrong turn. It was only that they had ceased communicating with each other.

            The seats were first class, Erwin realized he should’ve expected as much from Nile. The ride is short; Erwin’s mind only thinks on the possibilities as to why Nile wants to speak with him after all these years. He only had the handful of words exchanged between each other. A favor to ask? The way he put it meant Erwin could put some community service hours into it, which meant working for free, but hell, it wasn’t like he wasn’t about to do it anyway.

            A driver was holding his name on a card outside of the Seattle airport, and Erwin joined them as he was guided to a black Sedan, and taken to Nile’s home. Erwin watched. The sky was light grey, thin snow was falling all around in the early afternoon. He was half tempted to ask the driver what was going on, but he had a feeling they knew just as much as he did. They arrived at a large house on Queen Anne with a view of Lake Union. It was two stories, on stilts over the hillside, and surrounded with similar million dollar houses. Erwin was dropped off outside the cement driveway. The garage was closed, the house was dull blue, and a large patio sticking out of the back with a little potted plant garden. Erwin looked around at all the deceased foliage that made up the garden, and the empty patches of cement where salt had been thrown on the ground. Erwin made it up to the large red front door, and knocked.

            There was some noise, Erwin was listening intently, and eventually he heard the door unlock, and standing in the doorway was an old friend.

            Nile was the same age as Erwin, but he certainly did not look it. Either side of his head had small strands of grey hair starting to form, though the rest was still a dull charcoal black. He did still have most of his hair, and a bit of a beard and moustache growing. He was dressed in a black suit with a black tie. His cheekbones had shaped his face poorly over the years, and his cheeks seemed hollow and gaunt. His eyes were reddened. Perhaps sleep deprived, but Erwin had a feeling it was something else. For a moment, he had to take in how truly terrible Nile looked. He seemed so grey in the face it was as if all the life had been sucked out of him.

            “Hey… you… you don’t look so good.” Erwin felt he had to be honest, but he had to cushion his immediate thought of telling Nile he looked “absolutely horrible”.

            “I know.” Nile doesn’t seem to care. Erwin held his arm out, reaching forward for the man’s hand.

            “It’s good to see you.” Erwin spoke. The next moment he was somewhat stunned. Nile stepped down from the doorway, and gave Erwin a short hug. Erwin held the man to his chest for a moment, patting him between the shoulder blades, and then released. Now he was really worried.

            “Come inside. I’ll try to make this quick.” Nile turned away, and gestured Erwin to follow. Erwin saw the floors were hardwood. Nile was walking around in polished black oxford shoes. Erwin kicked his own boots off, worried of tracking mud or snow. There was a large first room, an all stainless steel kitchen with granite countertops was attached to a large living room. There was a large flat screen T.V. and pictures of Nile with his wife and children. Nile guided Erwin to the leather couch with a coffee table in front of it, and gestured for him to sit.

            “I’ll be right back.” Nile turned away, walking down a hall between the living room and kitchen. Erwin let his gaze wander to his left, where he saw a large sliding glass door leading to a wooden patio, all covered in snow. In the distance was some glistening water of Lake Union, but the reflection of the sky made it all look grey. Erwin eventually followed Nile’s movement, and noticed him entering a small room crowded with bookshelves, folders, documents, and a large wooden desk of mahogany. Nile returned with a thick file folder, and the red letters, UNDER INVESTIGATION were written there. Erwin pressed his lips.

            “Erwin.” Nile started, and pulled up a chair to sit across from the blond, the coffee table between them. “Your magazine has never shied around sensitive issues nor gruesome imagery, so I will imagine that you are used to seeing that sort of thing.”

            Erwin nodded. “Yes. I am.”

            “You’re used to keeping secrets. For the sake of your sources. And I need you to not tell anyone about this, if you decline, and especially if you accept.”

            Erwin raised his eyebrow. He wasn’t sure where this was about to go, but it was giving him a bad feeling.

            “Yes.” He still responded, regardless.

            “Then you’ll forgive me for showing this to you.” Nile held up the folder in his hand.

            “What is that?” Erwin asked.

            “My daughters murder case.”

            Erwin stared at Nile. His face fell, any sort of amusement of seeing his old friend was gone, and the stone-faced reporter was now back on the leather couch in front of Nile. Nile’s eyes were most likely not red from sleep deprivation. Nile set the folder down, and sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment, and swallowing.

            “Nile…”

            “Don’t tell me your sorry. Please.” Nile hissed.

            “I wasn’t going to.” Erwin spoke up. He waited for Nile to open his eyes. They were wet, but he wasn’t about to cry. “Nile… how are you doing?”

            Nile stared at Erwin, somewhat awkwardly, his mouth contorted like he wasn’t sure if he should speak or not. He dabbed the corner of his eyes of the wetness, and sighed. “I… I’m fine. I’m better.” He cleared his throat, and looked down. “Sorry… nobody asked me that.”

            Erwin had figured as much. He glanced to the wall, where the picture of his family was. He looked back to Nile. “Nile. Tell me what you want.”

            Nile flipped open the file. The first thing was a copy of a death certificate. Annie Dawk. Age: Nineteen. Gender: Female. Date of death: December 21st. Erwin swallowed, and reached his hands out, grasping the file, and pulling it towards himself. The next was a picture of Annie for her missing poster. She was dressed in a denim jacket, red shirt, with piercings on her nose and ears. The next picture had Erwin freeze in place.

            He had seen his fair share of gruesome cases, of horrible firsthand accounts, all of which he recorded in his own magazine for the sake of those brave enough to tell their tales. But this had to be one of the worst images he’d ever seen.

            Annie was no longer recognizable. The only thing that matched was the piercing left in what was still there of her nose. Her skull was busted open, in the middle of the forehead. Her brain was gathered separately, and photographed elsewhere. Her arms were gone, ears sliced off, eyes removed from her head. She was naked, legs gone too, just a torso practically, the legs were taken all the way up to the crotch. She was purplish on the skin, and the pictures were clearly taken when she was recovered by the police. Erwin processed everything he was seeing. Nile’s breath came out shaky. Erwin lifted the folder in his hands so Nile couldn’t see it; so he didn’t have to look at it again.

            “Nile… Jesus Christ…” Erwin hissed.

            Erwin opened the autopsy report. It colored in areas where Annie’s limbs were gone. Where her skull was cut, there were other notes, her tattoos, the piercings, as well as a small blistering mark of flesh at her neck where the coroner had written – Taser? As it seemed even they were unsure.

            Cause of death: Circulatory shock

            Erwin swallowed. She was alive when her arms and legs had been cut off. That was the only reason for such a prognosis. Erwin flipped through more things, dental records, some of Annie’s health records, but there was almost nothing else about the whole situation.

            “Nile… I…”

            “They’ve found nothing in the past week.” Nile interrupted. “I know the kind of reporter you are. You have an eye for detail.” He sighed, and shut his eyes. “The police are so damn incompetent they haven’t done a thing. They can’t even find her arms and legs.”

            “Nile. What do you want me to do?”

            Nile opened his eyes. He got very quiet for a moment, and pulled out another piece of paper tucked into his coat pocket. He unfolded it, revealing a document about Nile’s businesses. “You know I’m an entrepreneur. I have several non-profit organizations under my name, and a few sold to good friends. I can write for you to work your hours under their organizations. You will actually have to show you are doing work. So I’ll ask you to do it this way. One day you will go in and work, and the next day you will work for me. We will go back and forth and you can serve your 150 hours.”

            “And what will I be doing for you?”

            Nile took on a very serious gaze. The two stared at each other. Erwin knew what he was going to say, but he had to hear it, had to confirm it for himself.

            “I want you to find the fucker that did this to my daughter.”

            Erwin blinked, and glanced down at the case file in front of him. He closed it silently.

            “If I refuse?”

            “You won’t.”

            Erwin paused. Nile continued to stare. He wasn’t wrong. Erwin just felt a little hot under the collar for being so predictable, but at the same time, Nile was an old friend.

            “All right. How is this going to work? I’m just going to live here with you all of a sudden?”

            “No. I have a small vacation cabin in Kirkland. Overlooking Lake Washington.” Nile turned his document over, and started writing out the address. “I’ll be handing over one of my cars to you. You can live there for free so long as you’re working on this case.” Nile glanced up. “That cabin isn’t exactly modern. It has a cast iron fireplace, and fire lanterns. There's a generator in the back, facing the lake, for the electric sockets. But it’s quiet, it’s small, and it’s not very far away. It’s about the size for two. It might feel a little cramped.”

            “Trust me, it wont be cramped for me.” Erwin replied. “What exactly do you want me to do? I’m not a cop, Nile.”

            “I know. And I’m not supposed to be giving you this information. But you’ve pieced together mysteries in the past, haven’t you?”

            “Well, sure, but clearly I’m not always right. My current court sentence should be proof of that.” Erwin remarked. “And they’re about human rights, Nile. Tax evasion, low wages, prison labor… not murder.”

            “I trust you, Erwin.” Nile finally returned. Erwin paused, and waited for anything else. “I don’t know what to do. The police are already going to declare it a cold case. There’s no evidence to point to who did it. And I don’t know what to do… but I’ll do anything to find who did this.”

            Nile stared up at Erwin, there was a dark look in his eyes. He lifted his head, and kept his gaze on Erwin, holding his posture. “Are you up to this?” he asked quietly.

            Erwin looked down at the case file in his hands, and the address on the table. He mulled it over, but he knew that once that happened, it was all over. Once he started to mull it over, he had already gotten involved. Erwin took a deep breath, and tried to remind himself what he was getting into, but his words flew out of his mouth without much thought; and the deal was made.

            “I’ll see what I can do.”


	2. Church Bells Aren't Ringing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, I feel like this chapter is a little too close to the movie/novels for my comfort. But I suppose that's also what the AU is supposed to be like. Let me know what you think!

_February 1994_

_._

_._

_._

_Where have they taken her? I miss her already. I don't remember if we met. How many times have we met? Again. For the first time. She's left me here, and I'm all alone now. So I'll wait. I'll wait here, and we'll meet again. Just like every time._

_It's been 63 months. Nineteen thousand and twenty one days. We'll leave together. She promised me. Right?_

_Right?_

* * *

 

 

         “I need you to tell me everything about Annie. Everything you can think of.”

         Erwin sat with his phone in his lap playing the recording of Nile and himself. He clicked open the text-to-speech program on his iBook.

         “Okay. She was adopted, but Marie and I didn’t care about that. We adopted four kids, and Marie and I had three children. We we’re happy, even if it was crowded.” Nile started.

         “I need you to be more specific. What age was she adopted? Where was Annie born? What was the name she was born with?”

         Erwin turned to the side, letting the compute type out his recording, and followed alongside, correcting any errors. He sat at the wooden desk inside Nile’s cabin. The cabin was freezing, and Erwin had to buy a bundle of firewood to feed the cast iron fireplace. The fire went along, crackling quietly. The cabin had two separate bedrooms, with full sized beds. There was knitted blankets from the Skokomish people, diamond shaped red and blue and tan patters. Erwin had the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. There was a carving of the namgis thunderbird over the window above the desk. Erwin had dusted off most of the surfaces since it seemed the cabin was not frequently used. He left the water running in the sink so the stagnant water could move around. Thankfully the pipes were not frozen like Erwin expected.

          “We adopted Annie at twelve years old. We don’t know where she was born, but her father’s last name was Leonhardt. So her original name was Annie Leonhardt. She got separated from him, we didn’t know why. She was in an institution for at least four years before we adopted her… we didn’t see her during that time. We only met her afterwards.”

        “Why was she institutionalized? Did something traumatic happen to her?”

        “We don’t know; we weren’t given information on her parents. They said Annie was mentally unstable, possibly mute or mentally retarded… They didn’t tell us where they put her, but when she came to us, she was… she was something else. At twelve she still wasn’t speaking well, and she was volatile… She acted out of place all the time. She went catatonic once while in the kitchen, and we still don’t know why. She would have panic attacks all of a sudden.”

         “Did you visit her in the hospital?”

         “No. We never learned where it was. The doctor would send us statements, but nothing explained her behavior… She ran away from home several times. This last time… I figured she’d come home after a few days like usual… but she didn’t.”

         The recording went quiet, as Nile was drying his eyes and trying to breathe deeply so to keep himself calm. Erwin stayed neutral in the face of everything.

         “Where would she go when she ran away?”

         “All over. She ended up in Canada once. She would get piercings or dye her hair… Go to California, she’d end up in Salem, it was never clear. She would sleepwalk sometimes. We had to lock her room at night.”

         “Sleepwalk?”

         “Yes.”

         “Where would she go if she was sleepwalking?”

         “She’d try to leave the house. We thought she was joking the first time it happened, but it kept happening.”

         “But where would she end up?”

         “We always stopped her. I don’t know where she would’ve ended up.”

          Erwin scribbled something down on paper, and Erwin went to his own folder to look at what he wrote. _Medical trauma? Childhood trauma?_ He realized he probably wrote it to piece together later, but it really didn’t add to the commentary.

          “Anything else unusual like sleepwalking? Did she react strange to certain things?”

          Nile was silent for a few moments while he thought. “Well… she was terrified of lightning. We had to hide her in the basement if a thunderstorm came, but, those are rare in Seattle. It only happened a few times.”

         “She didn’t like rain and thunder?”

         “No. Just the lightning. I think she believed it was going to kill her.”

         “That’s not an uncommon fear.” Erwin remembered glancing to the case folder. “Is there any medical records of the hospital she was sent to?”

         “What do you mean?”

         “This has her medical records, but not between 8 and 12. Where is that?”

          “We were never given access to it.”

          “Did you try?”

          “Of course, we wanted to know if she had any mental problems they picked up on. But they wouldn’t contact us back, and they could never find the hospital she stayed at.”

           “All right. Thank you for your time Nile.”

           “No pro—” Erwin had cut the record off before Nile’s last remark left him. He hadn’t let Nile know he was recording, but he figured it wouldn’t have been of any importance. The information was scattered and minimal at best. Adopted child with psychological problems, bad attitude, ran away from home, irrational fear of lightning, random panic attacks, and sleepwalking. This was a whole mess of problems that didn’t correlate in Erwin’s mind, and he doubted anyone else would have a connection.

          What bothered him, more than anything else, was the missing medical files. But that was far out of his realm, and if Annie’s own parents could get them, Erwin knew he would be able to find them either. There were other things that had to be figured out. Erwin set up his small scanner/printer beside his iBook and started to scan everything, from the autopsy report, to Annie’s photos, to the pages in her diary, last record was three months prior to the event. Nile had been compliant in handing over whatever he believed would help. Erwin stuck notes to an empty wall beside the window. He wrote a note that said “Leonhardt” as a good place to figure out exactly where Annie was from, and who her birth parents were. He put up a rough timeline of her life, and the missing gap of her 4 years in an unknown hospital. Erwin made sure to put together all her attributes and set them up under a photo of her. Would being afraid of lightning and sleepwalking add anything to this? Erwin doubted it, but he had to figure he had no idea what to do about a murder case. He had to think outside the box.

         Annie’s rebellious teen life had her end up in five different locations. At age thirteen she ran away and somehow ended up in Salem, Oregon, with little to no help from others. It was when she tried to buy a motel room that someone contacted the police about a child at their motel. She ran again at fifteen, to California, and came back on her own terms. Age seventeen, she disappeared an astounding three times. In one, she illegally crossed into Canada, and was booted out of the country. The next she was found in a car with a drunk man, both passed out, in Spokane, close to crossing into Montana. The third time, she went the farthest she’d ever gone, for some reason, to Ogden, Utah. She never made it clear why she was going to all these places, but Nile and Marie were furious at her as well as deathly worried. When she turned eighteen, she was out the door.

          Annie would come back periodically and fill them in on her life, but she was always vague and distant. She gave them keys to her apartment after three months. She had earned enough money for a small one-bedroom place. Nile and Marie understood she wanted freedom, so they kept their distance. When Annie didn’t return their calls to come over for Christmas, they emailed. Nothing. Nile got worried, and went to her house. She wasn’t home. He waited a day on it, but she never showed. He reached out to Annie’s coworkers, and they claimed she hadn’t come in the work for three days.

         That was when Nile filed the missing report.

         Erwin sighed deeply. He looked over the very last bit of info, her death. Though he made copies of the photos to his computer, and printed them, he didn’t want to put them up. Annie’s body was too gruesome and horrifying to just have pinned to the wall. The marks indicated Annie’s legs were sawed off, but her arms were different, it seemed someone was trying to tear them off, and had succeeded. Erwin added that to a folder on his computer.

_Killer uses machines to torture, or is extremely powerful or aggressive._

_Killer has good understanding of human bodies and how to remove certain parts._

          Erwin sat back on that last note. It was slim pickings, and he wasn’t sure if it was the truth, but it felt like it. They knew the fastest way to cut through the femur at the thickest part of the leg. They had pulled the eyes out almost the exact same way a surgeon does eye removal surgery. It was evident in the autopsy.

          There was nothing more to go on.

          Erwin sighed, and stood up. He walked over to the cabinet, where he had placed some vodka. He needed something strong and cheap. He swallowed a few mouthfuls and groaned afterwards. His mouth burned, but it felt a bit better after a while. He returned to the computer, noticing an email came in.

_Drive to this location for work tomorrow._

          Erwin saw there was a map of Seattle with the pointer of the address of the community service center he had to report to. He had to make a stop at the probation offices beforehand, but that should be easy. Thankfully the Maryland judge shot his records over to the judge in Seattle. One less case for him to worry about, Erwin figured. Nobody gave it much thought that he was out in Seattle for no reason in particular, but his reputation was still fairly well received, so he didn’t doubt they gave him some slack. He sighed softly, and pulled up his desk chair, looking at the wall of Annie’s evidence. He took another drink of vodka.

           “What are you getting yourself into?” he mumbled aloud, and drank again. He glanced back and forth, and turned away entirely, as if he was worried that waiting too long would cause someone to answer.

* * *

 

Still on him, are you S.H.?”

            “You’re still calling me that?” Levi sat in her friend’s house, glancing over her MacBook for the time being. Standing over her shoulder was a friend who was just about the same height, though twice as athletic. They looked nothing like a hacker, and that’s why they enjoyed each other’s company so. She held two large Subway sandwiches in her hand, and laid one down for Levi.

            “Here you go, you whiny baby.” They had short blond hair, shaven underneath, like Levi. Her hair curled a little bit, but it was pale blond, and she had warm blue eyes. It wasn’t clear if they were a boy or a girl, and it was because they were neither. They were the most receptive person to Levi when she explained she was transgender, and among other things, had secured the two of them as friends. They themself were non-binary, so it was an interesting friendship for both of them, considering they were hackers at that, it was a strange relationship at best.

            “Thank you.” Levi unwrapped the sub sandwich, and lifted one of the halves, stuffing her mouth with a bite of chicken and bacon ranch melt. She sighed deeply, and leaned back in her chair. Her MacBook was currently streaming Erwin Smith’s laptop, and she watched, clicking open the e-mail so to look at what he had been up to.

            “Why are you still checking up on him?”

            “Because, Banana, I want to know if my work was in vain.”

            “Can you just say Nanaba?”

            “Stop calling me S.H. and we’ll see.”

            Nanaba rolled their blue eyes. They settled down in front of their own supercomputer. Nanaba made their own computers. They tended to scrap together whatever was the fastest processer, SSD cards, and all sorts of junk on the market to make sure they had the fastest connection and processor west of the Mississippi. Levi was pretty sure of it.

            “Didn’t he already pay you? What was his name?”

            “Nile. Nile Dawk.”

            “Right, right.”

            “He did pay me, quite a bit of money too.” Levi read through Erwin’s email. “Looks like he accepted.” Levi opened up the emails from Nile. “He flew over… this is the flight info. And he’s working for the probation office with community service.”

            “You might run into him?”

            “I hope to god not.” Levi huffed. “The probation office I go to is private. So I doubt it. Last thing I want is to run into a nosy reporter.”

            “So he just came up here to do his community service?” Nanaba questioned.

            “I don’t know. Looks like it.” Levi typed out a number of other codes.

_ >waiting, uploading, new activity recorded at 12:31pm., online now,_

            “Looks like he’s idling right now.” Levi mumbled. She took another bite of sandwich and typed out a bit more.

            _> waiting, new activity updating, two new documents, 107 photos added_

            Levi whistled lowly. “He’s working on something.” Levi opened up the word document, and stared silent at the screen for a while. She put down her sandwich, and leaned in, clicking a few buttons to make sure all the new info got saved to her laptop. Nanaba noted the body language, and leaned towards Levi.

            “What is it?”

            “He’s investigating that dead chick.”

            “Annie Dawk?”

            Levi nodded.

            “Why?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Think Nile put him up to it?”

            Levi shrugged. “I don’t know why, but I guess so. That must be why he wanted me to rifle around in Erwin’s things.” She looked uncomfortable at the thought, and watched with intent, clicking open the photos Erwin had downloaded. She stared, endless, silence, looking at Annie’s mutilated corpse with some numb terror.

            “Hell on earth…” Nanaba mumbled. “That horrifying.”

            “I know.” Levi murmured. She clicked away, going to Annie’s dental records. “She was adopted by the Dawk family… huh…” Levi glanced down at her watch. “Shit.”

            “What is it?”

            “I got to talk to my guardian. It’s almost four.”

            “All right. Take your sandwich, I’m tired of throwing them away after you forget them.”

            “Whatever.” Levi huffed. She shoved the laptop away, and wrapped the sandwich up before tucking it away. “I’ll see you later.”

            “Not if I see you first.”

            Levi rolled her eyes, and made her way out of the crowded computer room. Nanaba’s house was pretty bland outside of that, though they did have a bit of exercise equipment. They tried several times to convince Levi to exercise, but Levi tried to run on the treadmill for a good five minutes and decided exercise was of the devil and quit.

            Levi had been in the guardianship offices for some twelve years, in and out, since she left the hospital at 14. At least, she assumed so. Anything before 17 years old was a bit blurry and unclear, and anything during the hospital stay and prior was absolutely gone for Levi. All she knew was she didn’t ever want to go to a hospital again. She hated the smell, the feel, the look, the way people acted. Either too fake or too brutal and cruel. When Levi was discharged, she could harshly remember what life was like. She did know two things; One, whatever happened in their made it obvious that she was legally inept, and should be institutionalized forever. Two, would most likely be dead if it wasn’t for her guardian taking her in after being discharged. Those two simple facts of her life made it hard to live, for a lot of reasons.

            Levi had a crappy job at some security tech place, which was where most of her hacking skills were learned. That was seven years ago. She still worked there, but on off days it was mostly getting coffee, scanning copies, organizing pointless paperwork and tax files. She had been honest with her guardian for the most part. She didn’t mention the hacking to him, just the learning about computers. He was an older man, but he was understanding. He had worked a lot with troubled children. No children, widower, drank a ton of alcohol.

            Even after all these years, and all the hazy memories, Levi could still remember meeting him. His name was Dot Pixis, and her childlike mind at the time called him Pixie for the most part. He didn’t seem to mind it. She still did call him Pixie in more insulting ways, but he knew it wasn’t malicious. He met Levi, evaluated her, and noted many different things about her. She never answered questions the same each day, even something simple as “How are you?”. She lied, or she forgot often. Pixis could usually tell when she was lying to him, but he never really reprimanded her for it. When Levi left the hospital, she learned her mother had been declared mentally ill and incompetent. She couldn’t go back to her mother. Even now, she still sat in some clinic, dementia gnawing away at whatever was left of her life and personality. Levi didn’t like to visit her mother, but sometimes it felt necessary.

            Since Levi was of high school age, she was shoved in a foster home. The first family had about six children. She ran away in the first week. The parents decided ungrateful children scurrying from their charity was not needed in their house. She was gone in a month. Again they pinged her to some home. This time it was only two children, but the parents were adamant on calling her a boy, and telling her she was just craving attention and shouldn’t seriously consider being a girl. She ran away again after they wouldn’t let it go. The third time, Pixis was finally able to stop her from running.

            “Do you want them to lock you away again?”

            Levi couldn’t even remember what being locked away was like, but something deep down inside told her she didn’t ever want to experience that again, and forgetting was for the best. She settled down. The parents of the foster family weren’t supportive of Levi’s transition either, but Pixis finally sat her down and talked to her about what she wanted. After some serious consideration, he helped her with small things, buying girls’ clothing, gifting them to her usually. Allowing her to get piercings. The foster family thought she was a bit of a freak, and Levi hoped for the most part that they would dump her. They were a more headstrong family though, and they refused to give up on Levi.

            By the time Levi was 17 she had five misdemeanors. Three of them were consuming alcohol underage. She had shown up shitfaced to Pixis house once. The next, she was found in some alleyway sleeping behind a dumpster. The third time, she was found in the back of the car with another man, both of them in drunk stupors. One was from being high on drugs, which Levi recalled as the worst couple of hours of her life. She had taken an acid blotter, and ended up seizing up on the floor screaming about the wrath of God or some other nonsense. All she could remember was lightning, and birds flying, and this terrible caged feeling of being locked inside something. It was four hours of hell, and because she wouldn’t stop screaming the group just abandon her. Eventually some bicyclist found her up against a wall and called the police. She never learned who that was.

            The last one, was going to be pushed towards a felony if it wasn’t for the fact that she was underage, there were witnesses, and that Pixis had done his best to get her out of the situation. Levi had been doing horribly in high school, and around 16 wanted to quit. She never spoke in class, but she was still passing everything flawlessly. She just hated the students. When word got around that she had been found in a car with a drunk man, most people called her a slut. When a bully tried to rip her pants off, Levi retaliated. Being she was only 4”11’ at 17 and about 80 pounds, she was easily slapped down. They called her a fag and a shemale, and when she continued to attack them, they held her down and beat her up. They felt less guilty about beating up some “boy in a dress” since it wasn’t like beating up a real girl. Levi lost a tooth from the whole encounter, she was spitting blood for some time since her cheek got cut by her teeth.

            Levi wasn’t going to take that. She could be beaten within an inch of her life, but she decided something, right then and there that day. If she was alive, she was going to get revenge. She was always going to get it. Nobody was fucking with her anymore.

            Sometime during lunch Levi made sure to walk past them, making sure they followed. She went to the girl’s bathroom, and the boy told her she wasn’t allowed to go inside, that was for real girls. Levi went to the handicap stall, and he followed, like she thought.

During gym class she managed to steal one of the baseball bats, and in her free time, she had hammered nails into the top. She had carried it around in her backpack, covered, and hid it in the bathroom by the math building that nobody used.

            The boy lost some vision in his left eye. Levi bashed his head, his jaw, his shoulder, and eventually started bashing his legs, and snapped one of his ankles. The group of boys ran, but it was a hell of an effort for Levi to even do such a thing. When Levi felt good about how immobilized he was, she took one of the nails, and carved the word “Asshole” into the boy’s forehead. It wasn’t deep, but the scars would be there for a while. The teachers pried her off him, horrified, and called the police.

            His scar had to be covered up with skin grafts.

            Levi was expelled.

            She went on to get a G.E.D. instead.

            Despite her pride, Pixis was anything but amused. It was the only time he ever yelled at her for doing something.

            “What have you done? You’ve hurt another human being, Levi! Think about your actions!”

            Levi couldn’t care less, but Pixis stressed with especial pains the seriousness of hurting another person. She took all the scolding with a cold, expressionless face, but she tried to listen to him. Tried to take it what his message was. There are consequences for every action. Everything you do today affects something tomorrow. You better understand what tomorrow will bring if you’re going to do that.

            Levi did listen, even if she didn’t want to. Levi just didn’t act like it.

            However, about a month ago Pixis had suffered from a stroke. Levi had scheduled to meet him, but he never called back. They usually spent some of Christmas together, though he had a family of his own that he usually went to, his other brothers and sisters and his nieces and nephews. He apparently hadn’t responded to calls from his family or from the probation office. Levi went to his house, and after he didn’t respond at the door, she broke in through the sliding glass door, and found Pixis laying on the kitchen floor. He had his eyes wide open, conscious, but he couldn’t speak properly or move.

            He had a brain aneurism that eventually led to hemorrhaging and a stroke. Levi visited him in the hospital once, and then never heard from him again.

            Now that a whole week after Christmas had passed, Levi finally got another call from the offices. She answered the call outside of her workplace.

            “You’ve been assigned a new guardian this week. We’d like you to come down and meet him tomorrow at 4:30pm. Would that be all right?”

            “I have a guardian.” Levi hissed.

            “Your guardian had a stroke. You need to have a new guardian now.”

            “You’re shitting me…”

            “Miss?”

            Levi hung up the phone, and hissed out some string of curse words. She couldn’t believe it. It had only been a few weeks and Pixis had been replaced. She had returned to work after not showing for the past couple of days. The workplace was a small security company that dealt personally with computer and home security. Nanaba had been working there for a while, and they were the one who recommended Levi for the job. Levi knew the boss was too lenient with her, but he understood Levi had a supposedly poor mental capacity.

Levi went through her lunch break, staring down at one of the presents Pixis gave her. He always bought two separate presents for Christmas and her birthday, since they both landed on the same day. Levi learned he must’ve bought them a few days before he had the stroke. One was a pair of auricle piercing rings, both of them were shaped like handcuffs, and had a little chain that connected to the lobe piercing. She had five places on each ear pierced. The auricle, the three on her forward helix, and the lobe. He also had two silver snake bite piercings inside, just simple silver studs. Pixis mentioned many times he didn’t understand the whole “gothic” look, but he didn’t dissuade Levi from it. He tried to support Levi when he could.

            The other gift was a box of expensive black tea that Levi usually bought on rare occasions. He must’ve remembered. Levi carried the tin of tea around, but she hadn’t used it yet. After staring at it for too long she eventually gave in and called the probation offices back. The last thing she wanted was to be locked up again. Pixis told her enough times about co-operating. She chatted shortly with the woman about the new guardian; the woman seemed to have high praise for him.

            “What’s his name?” Levi asked.

            “He used to be a pastor. People still call him Pastor Nick.”

            Levi bit back the desire to groan. She knew now he definitely wasn’t going to like her. Still, she bit her tongue about it for the sake of the call, and scheduled to meet him later that day. The bus ride to the office was short, but Levi dreaded every moment of it. She met the old woman at the front desk, and eventually got led back towards her new guardian. The ex-Pastor thankfully wasn’t put in Pixis’ office, but a few doors down. They hadn’t just immediately ripped Pixis’ room apart.

            Nick was a tall man at 6’4”, hefty, but old. Gaunt face, his hair was shaven to a centimeter short around his ears and grew a bit on the top of his head. He had creases in his forehead, and dark sunken in grey eyes. He had his awards and doctorates all hanging on the walls with their shiny gold seals. There were pictures of him as a minister, dressed in a black cassock, golden rosary around his neck. The rosary was around his neck even now. However, he was now wearing long black pants, and a blue button up shirt. Over his desk was a cross with Jesus hanging from it, and below that was a clock. Nick seemed to just be staring at Levi, watching her, eyeing every inch of her outfit. Levi didn’t make any remark, and came forward, sitting down in the chair; the desk in between them.

            “Ah…” Nick had a muted look on his face, he seemed to be holding back a scowl. Levi grit her teeth. The man touched at his golden rosary, and then pulled out a thick folder of Levi’s paperwork from the shelf behind him. “You remember me, yes?”

            Levi visibly stiffened. She couldn’t find any photos around the office to prove that was they had ever been around each other. After a moment, Levi shook her head.

            “Ahh…. Is that so?” Nick cleared his throat. “I haven’t seen you since you were a child. I suppose it would be expected of you considering your… disabilities.”

            Levi grit her teeth. Nick slapped the paperwork on the table, but he didn’t startle Levi even slightly.  Nick clicked his tongue at the book, and shook his head.  
            “I am a bit disappointed in Pixis. He’s been very lenient about his guardianship role. He gave you full access to your banking and financing, and doesn’t file your tax returns.”

            “Nothing has gone bad with my money.” Levi hissed, keeping their voice calm. “I pay my food; I pay my rent. I file my own taxes.”

            “Perhaps, but as it may be, I am your new guardian, and I’m responsible for your finances, for your image.” Nick wrung his callous hands, “Your bad example is a reflection on me, not you.”

            Levi stared at the man, glowering underneath. Nick wasn’t all too concerned about Levi’s expression. Nick shut Levi’s folder, and sat up straight, his rosary jangling.

            “Here’s what I’ll ask of you. I will create a new bank account for you. You will put the money into that account, and I will manage it for you. I’ll give you a monthly allowance, for general things, bills, food, necessities. Any other big expense must be brought to my attention. You’ll send in receipts of bills you pay so I know you’re taking care of them.” Nick clasped his hands. “Are we clear?”

            Levi was scowling, staring back, dark black eyes watching Nick, observing with a snake-like coil; tense, ready to strike. Nick glanced back down at the file, and slid some papers to the side, staring down at it.

            “It says here you’re a boy.”

            Levi’s mouth twitched. She shifted back in her seat, and glanced over. Nick lifted the files away from his desk so she couldn’t see.

            “That’s a lie.” Levi retorted.

            “Your medical records are false?”

            “What it’s it to you?”

            “You don’t look like a male.”

            “I’m not.”

            Nick wrote something down in the file. He shuffled through Levi’s medical records. Levi scowled the whole way through. Eventually he reached more recent records.

            “HRT? What is that?”

            “Hormone replacement therapy.” Levi hissed.

            “It’s a monthly expense. Is it necessary?”

            “Yes.”

            “For what?”

           “It’s medication.”

           “It’s voluntary.”

           “It’s my fucking money, I’ll do what I want with it.”

           Nick stared up at Levi, his forehead creases deepened a little as he took on some aggravated look. He stared Levi up and down. It felt disgusting. Every small movement of his eyes made Levi want to claw them out of his skull. She swallowed, trying not to react. His eyes felt uncomfortable on her, like he was undressing her with his gaze. Levi folded her arms, squeezing up against her chest.

           “What does it look like?”

           “What does what look like?”

           Nick gestured to Levi’s crotch.

            “Down there.”

            Levi glanced down at her crotch. “It looks like none of your fucking business is down there.”

            Nick stood up in his chair. Levi tightened her grip on her arms. She leaned back in the chair. Nick’s anger seemed to quell quickly, like he didn’t want to be caught with such aggressive expression. He straightened out his tie. “Look, you can co-operate, and things will go smoothly for both of us, or you can be unruly and rude, and it’ll be hell for you. The way the probation offices treats you, hinges on what I have to say. My reports are the most important thing in your life. Got it?”

            Levi said nothing.

            “Would you rather be locked up again?”

            Levi gnashed her teeth.

            “Well?”

            “No.” Levi hissed. “I don’t.”

            “Then answer my questions, and be reasonable.”

            Levi waited, glaring over the man before her. Nick had shut the folder, and he settled down, relaxing in his chair. He crossed one leg, putting it over his knee. His other knee he cupped with his two hands, and stretched his arms tight.

            “Do you take care of your hygiene?”

            Levi knit her brow, confused.

            “Your piercings.” Nick pointed out, gesturing to his lip and his ear. “Don’t those get infections?”

            Levi continued to say nothing.

            “Are you sexually active?”

            Levi scowled.

            “Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?”’

            Levi curled her fist tight under her arm.

            _There are consequences to every action._

            She cussed Pixis’ name under her breath.

            “What?”

            “Nothing.”

            “So you don’t have a boyfriend?”

            “No.”

            “How many partners have you been with in the last month?”

            Levi scowled again. Pixis had never been this invasive in her entire life, even as a child, and even when she fucked up massively. She felt gross under the eyes of this ex-Pastor. Nothing came to her as to if she knew him or not. Part of her felt like that was a good thing.

            “Levi?”

            “I don’t remember.” Levi hissed. “My last orgy had about twenty, thirty people. I was bumping too many lines of coke and taking too many blotters to keep track of how many of them ended up inside me.”

            Nick wasn’t amused.

            “Are we done?”

            “No.”

            “That’s too bad.” Levi shot up, and grasped her bag, she spun on her heel, and had enough force to knock over the chair she had been sitting in. She snorted, trying not to curse angrily, and stormed out of the office, clutching her shoulder bag tightly. What a disgusting man, Levi could sense such a foul vibe from him. It felt familiar, and she loathed the very idea of that. She threw herself onto her bus seat, and made sure not to look back to see if Nick was following. If he had the nerve to, she was sure she’d scream until the bus driver kicked him off.

            The ride is short, but Levi is fuming, and it hasn’t diminished when she reaches her stop. The bus stop closest to her house is crowded. Nick had decided Levi should swing by as the last appointment for the day, and Levi realized it had to be close to 5:30 or 6:00pm. The sun had been down for hours by now. Snow was falling lightly on the city. There was a group of five men, all loitering around, and snickering to themselves. Levi clutched her bag, and walked past the group. There was some other people at the bus stop, two women sitting close to each other, an older homeless woman, two teens dressed in McDonalds uniforms. One of the men tried to get in Levi’s way. She pushed past him, knocking him in the shoulder.

            “Hey—” the man swayed. Levi leaned forward to keep walking, but the man wasn’t finished. He snatched her, and wrapped his arm around her neck. “Come here bitch—” The man barked. “Don’t be rude.”

            “We’ll teach ‘er some manners.” One of the men lifted a half-empty bottle of booze, and emptied it over Levi’s face. Levi struggled in the man’s grip, and spat when the beer splashed all over her eyes and mouth. The other men in the group jeered at her, laughing and pointing. Levi clawed at the man’s arm, and pulled the sleeve up. She bit down hard enough to draw blood. The man shouted, and loosened his grip. Levi bent her knees, and threw herself backwards, headbutting the man with the back of her head.

            The man fell over like a clumsy ox.  He looked around, dazed and pissed while the other men started to gain an attack on Levi. One of them had dropped the empty bottle of beer. Levi fell to her knees, grabbing the bottle. One of the men kicked her, and Levi stumbled, and landed on her bag. She heard a snap. Levi narrowed her eyes. She smashed the bottle on the ground, and shot up, waving at the men, and screaming at them.

            “Come on, motherfucker!” she screeched, and slashed the bottle towards one of the closest. One of the men shoved her against the wall, and Levi slashed him with the sharp bits of glass well on his face.

            “This bitch is crazy!”

            “Fuck her, let’s go.”

            Once Levi was on the ground again, someone kicked her against the ribs. She groaned, and laid there for a few seconds, the beer was already starting to make her shiver in the snow. Levi glanced up.

            The men were rounding the corner, and the people at the bus stop were all staring.

            “What the fuck are you looking at?” Levi snapped.

            Some of them turned away, but most of them casted another glance. Levi stood up. The kicks were a daze, but the men were drunk and swaying, and none of them were too painful. Levi felt a panic hit her, and she looked into her bag, digging out the laptop. The cover was cracked, and the screen had a shattered mark spidering from the corner.

            “Fuck.” Levi snapped. She sat at the corner of the sidewalk, and tried to start up the MacBook. Nothing. The screen didn’t even flicker.

             She glanced down the road, towards Nanaba’s house. She made sure everything was in order, and wiped the beer off her face and onto her sleeves. Carefully, she hobbled down the street, and focused on the new destination.

            “S.H., what happened to you?” Nanaba looked like they had just finished showering, dressed in a tank top and sweatpants. Levi stared down at the floor, it was still early, the sun wasn’t setting yet. She shrugged, and walked towards Nanaba’s computer room.

            “I fucked up my laptop.” Levi mumbled.

            “You smell like booze.”

            Levi only scowled in return. Nanaba knew not to question it. Levi sat at the smaller desk beside Nanaba, and watched the other hacker meticulously try to reboot her computer. Eventually, Nanaba split open the bottom of the laptop, and started to pull bits and pieces out. They connected the hard drive to their own computer. Levi watched on for what had to be about half an hour. Something started to show on Nanaba’s own computer, and the small blond sighed wearily.

           “So?” Levi asked. She knew not to get too pushy when Nanaba was doing her work, but they seemed to have gotten something done.

           “I can recover your hard drive; the files should be okay.”

           “And the rest of it?”

           Nanaba shook their head.

           “Best give it a proper funeral.”

* * *

            Erwin stood at the shore of Lake Washington, frigid air blowing through his coat and his bones and he felt like his fingers were about to go numb if he waited any longer. It had been two weeks since he arrived in Washington. Almost nothing was pointing him in the right direction. Albeit, nothing pointed in the wrong direction. Something felt off about this whole murder. Not just the simple fact that it was murder, but that it was so untraceable. Like a complete stranger just mutilated Annie and went right on with their merry life. Erwin had been standing a little way away from the Southernmost point of Mercer Island.  He rubbed his hands together again, breathing against his palms as he covered his nose, trying to keep warm. He tried to make sure to get there around the same time Annie washed up on shore.

            After long enough, a car finally pulled in from off the road, and Erwin sighed in relief. He approached, and Nile exited, wearing a thick coat carrying a brown paper bag, and a cup of Starbucks coffee.

            “What’s this about Erwin?” Nile huffed, and handed over the coffee. Erwin grasped it, feeling like dunking his hands into it, but instead he just took a large mouthful of it and sighed. Soft wisps of white vapor escaped him.

            “You said Annie’s body was found here at around nine in the morning, right?”

            “Yes.”

            “All right. Well, I think I have some idea of where she could’ve come from.” Erwin set the coffee down in the snow, and reached out for the paper bag. “Did you buy everything I asked for?”

            “Yes. A base plate compass, red marking flags, an open reel measuring tape, and a bag of oranges.” Nile huffed, glancing into the package before Erwin took it. “What does that have to do with anything though?”

            “I’ll show you.” Erwin checked the measuring tape, and nodded his head. Two-hundred feet of measuring tape. It would have to do. Erwin ripped open the netted bag of oranges, and pulled one out. He pulled one of the marker flags out, and came up to the edge of the lake. Erwin gestured for Nile to come forward. Erwin wrapped the cord of the compass around his wrist. Nile came forward. “Stand here.”

             Nile did as he was told, and stood close to the shoreline. Erwin planted the flag between his feet. Then Erwin stood in front of Nile, nearly slipping into the lake, they were so close.

            “Nile, tell me when the next minute is about to start.”

            “All right. In ten seconds.” Nile checked his wristwatch.

            “Count it for me.”

            Nile did so. At the last three seconds, Erwin wound up like a baseball pitcher, and launched the orange into the lake. It sunk, and bobbed to the surface. Nile knit his brow, and watched Erwin hold the compass out towards the orange.

            “What the hell is that going to do?” Nile muttered.

            “It’s going to measure how fast the water is moving for me.” Erwin muttered. He checked his own watch, and continued to watch the time. He followed the orange quietly as it floated along. “Stay where you are, okay? Tell me when five minutes pass. I need to measure the distance afterwards.”

            Nile stayed put as instructed. Erwin followed the floating orange with the compass for five minutes, and he didn’t get very far at all. After exactly five minutes, Erwin planted another flag into the ground, and walked back to Nile.

            “What exactly is this supposed to do?” Nile asked, when he noticed Erwin returning. Erwin grabbed the open reel, and started to unravel the measuring tape.

            “Well – hold this –” Erwin handed the end of the measuring tape to Nile. Nile held it, and Erwin began to walk backwards, feeding the tape out. “The distance that orange travelled, plus the time it took to get there, is going to tell me how Annie got here. The man on T.V. said she washed up on shore.”

            “She did.”

            “Right. They dredged the lake, and they scanned Mercer Island. But they didn’t find anything.”

            “So how is this going to find anything?”

            “I don’t have the capacity to scan the entire lake or shoreline, Nile.” Erwin measured all the way up to the flag stamped five minutes later. 197 feet. Erwin figured rounding it to 200 wouldn’t be bad. “I can’t guarantee you I’ll find anything, but I’m going to take the trajectory and figure out where her body got disposed at to end up here.” Erwin removed the flag, and pulled out a small notepad. He wrote down the following information:

197 ft by five minutes.

Rounded to 200 ft.

200 x 12 = 2400ft.

2400 x 8 = 19200ft.

            “About three and a half miles…” Erwin murmured.

            “What?”

            “She travelled three and a half miles.” Erwin explained. “She was found here at nine in the morning. Coroner’s report declares her dead at 11pm, and most likely dumped in Lake Washington at 1am. The way the current flows will give the path a slight hook curve. If one hour is 2400 feet, she travelled 19200 feet in eight hours. That’s three and half miles.”

            Erwin knelt down, and pulled out a foldable map of Washington he had gotten on the plane ride over. He took the compass, and placed the flat base on the map. Each inch was a mile, by the key’s supposed legend. Nile waited patiently. Erwin marked several locations, but most of the directed him to the same area.

            “Well?” Nile asked.

            “That seems to only put us in one drop place.” Erwin muttered, and rolled up the map.

            “Where?” Nile was writhing with anticipation. Erwin folded the map up, and started to pack away his experiment. Erwin glanced up at Nile, holding the map up.

            “Seward Park.”


	3. A Valkyrie Descends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I was on a roll, I ended up writing this chapter really quickly. I was thinking of waiting on it, but I don't see any reason in making people wait :V

_April 1994_

_._

_._

_._

_She's not coming back._

* * *

 

“Thank you for this Marie.” Erwin held the keys tight in his hand as he wrapped his arms around the woman. She buried her head against him for a moment, and nodded.

            “Just tell me what you find.” She replied, and released. She had aged much better than her husband, still not looking a day over thirty. She had dark brown-black hair, crow’s feet around her eyes, and a wiry smile. Everything was still new and raw for the family, and Erwin knew he had to have a certain gentleness in his handling. Marie so far had been the only person inside of Annie’s apartment since the murder.

            “If anything points me in the right direction, I’ll let you know immediately.” Erwin explained. He clutched the keys, and glanced towards Annie’s apartment. It was cold and empty, and he could already feel the signs of neglect, of rotten fruit and the feel that someone who lived there had died. Erwin felt it before the first time he came home after his mother passed. He did a quick sweep of every room. No sign of a struggle. It seemed Annie simply stepped out and got murdered the day it all happened. Erwin headed over to Annie’s bedroom. A small twin-sized bed with a nightstand holding her laptop was there. She had a full desk that was covered with drawings and doodles.

            “A cartoonist. She always wanted to be a cartoonist.”

            Nile had told Erwin about that long ago. He sat with his old friend for a long time just talking about Annie. He tried not to think about it, and pushed aside the drawings of small little people walking around her calendar. Erwin opened up Annie’s laptop.

            User: Annie L. Dawk

            Password: >__________

            Erwin sighed soft. He typed in a few guesses. ald32287 and other variations of her initials and birthday. Nothing showed up. He gave up on it shortly, and instead began to search around the room. After a good while of searching drawers and checking items, Erwin found a diary stashed into an underwear and sock drawer. It had a lock, so Erwin searched Annie’s bathroom for a bobby pin and got to lock picking. He felt strange. The house was so quiet and cold, it felt wrong to rifle in the belongings of someone who would never catch him doing it. He cracked open the diary after some time. There was black writing all over the covers of the book. Erwin flipped through, and found Annie had written some things about the days she ran away. But it was of very little relevance. Then he reached the back, and found a note paper taped to the back.

            _AA—UT 20050616_  
_BH—CAN 20041130_  
_RB—OR 20040131_  
_Marcel?—? 1999?_  
            _I know it, I must remind myself I did not do it, I am not guilty, I am not a criminal. I am not a murderer. I must remind myself because I will forget. They will make me forget but I won’t let them. I won’t let them do it again. I know who I am. I know who did it. I almost remember it._

            Erwin couldn’t help getting more concerned the farther he read. Annie’s notes seemed to get more confusing and distorted and misspelt. He stared for a long time, but barely anything inside made any sense. He checked other pages, reading them over and over, but everything else seemed to be something sensibly written inside of a diary. Annie wrote her diary a bit like a report. It didn’t surprise Erwin considering he was told that she had memory problems. She wrote dates and general times for what she was doing. She worked at a grocery shop, and spent her free time doodling on the defected paper bags in the back. No matter what, the back page still bothered Erwin, so he tucked the diary away into his bag, and decided he would scan it to his computer later.

            Nothing else drummed up any bit of interest to Erwin. Nothing out of the ordinary. The food in Annie’s refrigerator was starting to rot. He could smell it. Erwin took Annie’s laptop as well, and explained to Marie that he had taken that, and nothing else, to see if he could get some information off of it.

            “That sounds good.” Marie remarked. “Maybe you could send it to the computer hacker Nile met.”

            “Computer hacker? When did Nile meet with a hacker?”

            Marie seemed confused. “To get into contact with you, of course. He had that whole report written about you.”

            Erwin blinked, somewhat shocked to hear that. “A report?”

            “He didn’t tell you?”

            “What kind of report?”

            “I’m not sure. It was just general information I assume. I'm sure it’s not a big deal Erwin.”

            “I want to know what kind of report got made about me.”

            “Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t anything—”

            “Marie. What report?” Erwin’s tone dropped to a more serious and stone face. Marie sighed, and shrugged her shoulders.

            “You’ll have to talk to Nile about it.”

            Erwin grit his teeth, but agreed with her, and decided to head over to Nile. His head couldn’t help buzzing at the thought of being researched by his own friend. It felt somewhat silly, when he thought about it, why else would Nile have his cellphone number? They hadn’t spoken in years, a decade even.

            “Nile.” He stood in the hall of the apartment, waiting for the other to answer his cell while Erwin headed to his car.

            “What is it? Did you find something?”

            “Maybe. I want to know about this report about me though.”

            “What report?”

            “The one you got typed up on me.”

            Erwin listened to the pause between them. Nile sounded like he sighed over the phone. “It’s nothing personal. I wasn’t sure if you’d be available—”

            “What did you find out about me?” Erwin felt his mind racing. “I want to see the report.”

            “It’s nothing.” Nile reassured.

            “Look. I’m going to see this report, or I’m going back to Maryland and doing ‘community service’ somewhere else. Got it?”

            Nile sighed deeper this time. “It’s in my office. Back home. I’ll meet you there.”

            Erwin took that as a cue to hang up. He did so, and focused on driving. Part of him felt a bit of guilt for getting defensive, but he needed to know everything Nile knew. His brain started clicking strange remarks into place. No wonder Nile knew his sentence before Christmas break. Not to mention his cellphone number. What else about Erwin was already known? Part of him scowled the thought that an old friend would have to pull up files on him. Was Nile intending to blackmail him if he didn’t agree? Erwin reminded himself to calm the erratic thoughts. They wouldn’t do him any good.

            Nile seemed slightly ashamed to hand over the file. It was a large manila envelope, and when Erwin opened it, there was at least ninety pages about his everything.

            The experience of having his whole life laid out in front of him was something wholly unnerving. The report mentioned his father dying when he was thirteen and Erwin’s relationship with his siblings and mother before her recent passing. It mentioned his gossiped bisexuality during his high school life, even went as far to find evidence of his punk rock phase in high school, and mentions of drug use which he had been caught with at seventeen. It had his tax records, his financial figures down to the very penny. Who had this person talked with to even find such information?

            Erwin sat there while Nile idled around his own house, twiddling his thumbs most likely, and feeling some guilt at Erwin’s endless, expressionless silence. Being a reporter, Erwin knew what gathering research was like, and whoever this was, they were damn good investigator. They had collected all public information as well. Erwin C. Smith. 41 years old, reporter for Humanity Magazine. Divorced in 1995. Two children, wife has full custody, still paying alimony and child support. Had an affair during marriage. Travels frequently.

            The investigator went on to remark about Erwin’s trial. About the Reiss case. They accurately wrote out what the outcome of the trial would be—but something wasn’t right. The report was written two days before the court case had even finished. Nile confirmed it himself. It stated the Humanity’s office number, as well as his own cell and house phone. They had also written out Erwin’s December publishing before he had even released it. He hadn’t written his reports in the office. He had written them on his laptop, and nowhere else.

            “Who wrote this?” Erwin finally spoke up, loud, and Nile flinched in response before composing himself.

            “The hacker?” Nile asked, and shook his head, as if to say he didn’t know. “I never met them. I asked for a report, and it showed up in my email in three days later. She gave me more than I asked for. Honestly. I just wanted to know if I’d be able to speak to you about this… After everything that’s happened. I wanted you to hear me out.”

            “I am hearing you out.” Erwin glanced down at the report, and tucked it away into a manila envelope. “How did you find them?”

            “I asked Mike.”

            “Mike?” Erwin knit his brows, his expression melted to a less stony expression. “He’s… he’s still here?”

            “Yeah. He’s chief of police. I thought you knew that.”

            “No. Why would he know a hacker anyway?”

            “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?” Nile slipped his hands into his pockets, and looked down at his feet for a moment. Erwin knew that meant he had something to say, so Erwin folded his arms and waited.

            “You’re not going to drop this case, are you?” Nile glanced up somewhat worried. “You’re the only person whose gotten any leads on this. We haven’t even gone to Seward Park yet.”

            Erwin sighed. “I’m not giving up. Don’t worry about it… but if you want info out of me, make sure we’re all on the same page, okay?” Erwin waved the report up in the air.

            “Absolutely.” Nile nodded in agreement.

            “Where’s Mike anyway?”

            “He lives in town. Here, I’ll write it down for you. I’m sure he has some more information for you.”

* * *

 

Mike was a year older than both Erwin and Nile, though he looked younger than them both. He was more athletic, and a huge 6’5” so he towered over most people. When they graduated high school, Mike left for the army and didn’t get very much time to talk with them before being sent of somewhere in Panama. Erwin had his own career take off, and he was sure Nile’s had as well, and he hadn’t seen Mike since Nile and Marie’s wedding. It had been almost twenty years, and Erwin was somewhat glad to know Mike was still around in Seattle. Erwin gave him a call, and found himself eventually sitting in his car parked on the side of the road for two hours just catching up.

            Mike still wasn’t married, didn’t have children, and his precinct had been put in charge of Annie Dawk’s case. He explained to Erwin he had taken a bullet to the head and it was still ‘floating around in there somewhere’ but overall nothing really had happened in his life. He constantly downplayed most of anything he had gone through, and Erwin asked to meet him in person after their lengthy conversation. Mike agreed on stopping to get a bite at Dick’s Drive-In, and Erwin easily agreed.

            “Hey.” Erwin spoke aloud once he came towards the front of the drive-in. Erwin noticed the man probably from a mile away. The snow wasn’t too vicious today, and Mike had a SPD jacket on, zipper open, his hands in both his pockets. He was fairly well shaven, though he looked a little bit greyer in his hair. His hair was surprisingly still a bit long, and coming down over his eyes, casting that usual half-lidded green eyed stare. He had black jeans on, and a white t-shirt with some old mustard stains still on it. Mike gave a calm smile.

            “Long time no see.”

            “I—Oh.” Erwin was about to reach out his arm to Mike before the larger man wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a big bear hug. Erwin exhaled, shaking his head while avoiding some slight glances from the people inside. “It’s good to see you.” Erwin put his arms around his old friend. Mike pressed his face to Erwin’s, and Erwin could feel the stubble scratching him slight. He embraced it for the moment, and let go when it felt comfortable.

            “What are you doing here?” Mike opened the door for Erwin, and they both walked inside. “You haven’t been back here in forever.”

            “It’s kind of a long story.” Erwin remarked, and decided to change the subject casually; he had no idea whether or not Mike knew about his deal with Nile, let alone if it was illegal. Even if Mike was a good friend he was still an officer. “I’m serving community service here actually. Had a little lawsuit a few days ago.”

            “Ah. I heard about that.” Mike nodded his head. He touched the back of his neck, and brought his jacket in slight. They settled at a table by the window, though the frost had made the glass hard to see through. Erwin waited for a bit of coffee while Mike settled on a milkshake. “What’s the occasion?”

            “This may seem odd, but I have to ask something of you.” Erwin interlaced his fingers, putting his hands on the table.

            “What is it?”

            “Nile talked to you a few weeks ago, right?”

            “Yeah, he did. We talk sometimes.” Mike admitted. “Especially after what just happened.”

            “Right… but, he asked for a hacker, right?”

            Mike raised one brow. “A hacker? Well, he asked me if I knew someone who could investigate some things for him.” He paused as the waitress brought them their drinks. He ordered a burger, and Erwin asked for a same. He had forgotten what he usually got here anyway. “He wanted to talk to my ex.”

            “Your ex?”

            “Yeah. Ex-partner.” Mike made a slight face. “Relationship wise.”

            “You had a boyfriend?” Erwin had noted Mike wasn’t usually one to form a relationship.

            “No.”

            Erwin seemed even more confused. “A… girlfriend? I thought you didn’t swing th—”

            “They aren’t a boy or a girl.”

            Erwin knit his brow. “Then what are they?”

            “One hell of a partner, that’s for sure.” Mike replied. “They didn’t really like to talk about it. Genderfluid was the term they used usually. That would change though. I assume that’s what the fluid part is all about.”

            Erwin nodded. “Ah, I see. Non-binary.” He had written articles in the past about non-binary and transgender people in Humanity magazines, it would receive mixed reviews, as always, but he had learned quite a bit regardless. Originally he felt the whole ordeal was a tiring issue, but he understood a bit better now about a person's identity.

            “Right.” Mike added. “Anyway, they’re still a good friend of mine. Just didn’t really work out relationship-wise. Testing waters and all…” Mike put his lips to the straw in the milkshake and drank for a short while. Erwin added some sugar into the coffee, and peeled open the small creamers.

            “What did Nile talk to them about?”

            Mike shrugged. “I don’t know. Their name is Nanaba, but some people call them Banana.” Mike shrugged again saying the nickname. He seemed somewhat amused by it. “At least, online they call them that. Nile said he wanted to get some help with some finance reports or something. So I sent him to Nanaba.”

            “So they wrote the report?”

            “I doubt it. Nanaba was working on some super computer last I checked. I bet they sent him over to the Valkyrie.”

            “The Valkyrie?”

            “Oh, yeah, that’s Nanaba’s friend. She’s… she’s something else. Never really spoke with her much. She doesn't really come out of her house very much... I don't know how she even has a job to be honest.” Mike admitted. “But Nanaba gives her good review. She’s probably an FBI most wanted, that’s what I hear them joke about at least. I don’t know her name either. People call her the Valkyrie online.”

            “The Valkyrie.” Erwin mumbled. He sighed slight.

            “What about them?”

            “It’s nothing important.” Erwin lied. “Just heard a few things, I wanted to know if it was true.”

            “Looking for another article?” Mike asked, raising his brow.

            Erwin rolled his eyes. “No. I’m taking a break from the magazine for a second.” For a moment he did consider a report on hacking, but he decided the task at hand was more important. “Is there a way I can talk to this ‘Valkyrie’?”

            “Yeah, Nanaba told me her address a while back.” Mike reached into his jacket, pulling out an address book thick with written information.

            “Really? You still carry that?” Erwin remarked.

            “Damn straight.” Mike replied. “I still have a rolodex on my desk too if you want to tease me.”

            “Christ. You’re just about to start yelling at kids for being on your lawn.” Erwin leaned over slight. Mike shoved him playfully, and held out the address book to Erwin. Erwin pulled out his cellphone, and typed out the address and phone number, as well as the name “Valkyrie” and saved it for himself.

            “Thanks Mike.”

            “Don’t mention it.” Mike replied. “If you ever need help, don’t be afraid to call me.”

            “I know the number to nine-one-one Mike.”

            “I meant me personally.” Mike returned. “Here.” Mike pulled out a fairly old phone of his, and showed Erwin his phone number. “If you ever need something, I’m here.”

            “Thank you.” Erwin added the phone number as well. He tucked the phone away just as the food arrived. Though he could barely eat at the moment. He wanted to leave now, and make sure this “Valkyrie” person was still at home. But he couldn’t bring himself to just bail on his friend. He chewed slow, contemplative bites. Mike was about halfway through the burger before he noticed Erwin, and set his food down.

            “All right, something is on your mind. What is happening?”

            “Nothing.”

            “Don’t give me that, Winnie.” Mike teased. “I know you too well.”

            Erwin could roll his eyes to the back of his head. “I can’t believe you still remember that.”

            “I’m sharper than you think, you know.”

            Erwin just continued to eat. For the small moments of silence in between them, Erwin felt a deeper level of comfort than most. Between his ex-wife and children, it always felt like a gap was between where he had not been there. Between his co-workers, Erwin felt his reputation and status alienated them from him. Between him and Nile, he understood that the relationship now was different. Mike had changed, nearly twenty years had passed, and yet Mike spoke to him like everything happened yesterday. Erwin stared down at the ketchup beside his fries.

            An image sparked of Annie’s blood filled eye sockets.

            Erwin pushed the image aside. He had seen too many horrific things to distract his eating.

            “Mike.”

            “Yeah?”

            “What do you think… about this whole murder? About Annie?”

            Mike dabbed his face with a napkin. He narrowed his eyes, brows knit for a moment.

            “Whoever did it was one sick sonovabitch.”

            Erwin blinked, and nodded silently. “Do you have any leads?”

            Mike made a slight face at Erwin, and set his burger down again. “I’m not supposed to tell you that.” He huffed. “But I’ll be honest. This is a stone cold case of who-dun-it. We’re clueless. There isn’t a shred of evidence to suggest any reason that anyone would want to kill Annie. We’ve checked Nile’s house, and the probation offices as well. We’re going to check Annie’s house tomorrow.” He shut his eyes for a moment, and shook his head. “I already shared too much.”

            “It’s all right. I know how to keep a secret.” Erwin replied. “If I didn’t, a lot of my sources would be dead by now.” He folded his arms, and stood up, pulling out his wallet. He set some money down on the table. “Thanks for meeting up with me. Could you bag that for me?” Erwin gestured to his food. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you later.”

            “All right.” Mike didn’t question Erwin’s sudden leaving, but he looked a little pale in the face from revealing information to Erwin.

            “I’ll see you around. It was nice talking to you again.”

            “Same.” Mike replied.

            Erwin turned, and stopped, before twisting back around.

            “Oh.” Erwin spoke up. “Annie was found by South end of Mercer Island, right?”

            Mike nodded.

            “I’m no expert, but, I’d say you should sweep Seward Park. See if anything comes up.” Erwin dipped his head like a goodbye gesture, and turned to leave without another word.

* * *

 

The other side of the bed was still warm as Levi probed the sheets with her hands, and she knew Hanji was still around. Though they had gotten off on the wrong foot a while back, Levi found herself attached to Hanji in a way different than anyone else. Levi had learned most of her hacking skills from the other woman. She slept beside her as well as with her. Hanji had always been a lot wilder and uncontrolled, but Levi felt that slight sense of ease around her. She rubbed her tired eyes, and looked out. It was already dark out, there was no frost on the windows, and the lamps were lit, shining orange glow on the snow that had sprinkled around. Down the road, some people were walking, chatting while their breath formed white vapor in the air. Levi started to stretch her arms, and looked around the empty bedroom.

            “S.H? You want tea?” Hanji’s quiet voice came to her ears once she was sitting up in bed. Hanji was standing in the doorway, next to the pile of their own clothes that had been scattered on the ground.

            “You have work.” Levi remarked. “I can make my own tea.”

            “I’m making some dinner before I go.” Hanji replied. “Or six o’clock breakfast, as you call it.” She was dressed up in a tight spaghetti strap, and a short skirt. Levi threw the covers off. She was naked underneath, and walked over to the closet, putting on her gaff, and slipping on a pitch black night gown that was a few inches above her knees.

            Hanji came forward, and wiped around Levi’s eyes softly with her hands. “You left your makeup on before we napped.”

            Levi shrugged, and buried her face right against Hanji’s breasts. “It’s fine.”

            “Don’t you rub it off on my shirt!” Hanji huffed, and pulled Levi back by the hair. Levi rolled her eyes and gazed up. The black eyeshadow was smeared around her eyes, and bit at the bridge of her nose. She had a very dark gaze because of it. Hanji found it charming in a way. She patted Levi’s head, and straightened her back. “Oh!”

            Hanji walked over to the counter on Levi’s desk. It looked like Levi had colored it black with marker, but on close inspection, Hanji knew it was just tiny inscrutable notes written by Levi. She touched her hand on the spot where the encroaching darkness of Levi’s notes ceased, on the day’s date. “I knew it. It’s the fifteenth.” She snapped her fingers, grinning. “It’s been three months already.”

            “Since what?”

            Hanji scoffed, putting her hands on her hips. “Since the surgery.” Hanji gestured towards her crotch.

            “Does that me we can fuck now?”

            “I told you we could fuck a while ago.” Hanji replied, and stepped forward. She lifted Levi’s dress up slightly to look down at her panties. The two very easily got into their personal spaces. Levi didn't mind it when it was Hanji, which was a rare feat. “You’re small anyway, I’m pretty sure the dilator is bigger than you.”

            “Good.” Levi huffed, then leaned against Hanji. Hanji wrapped her arms around Levi. “I’m glad it went well… how does it feel?”

            “It’s been fine for the past two months. The dilator gets a little awkward sometimes, but I feel great.” Hanji remarked. Levi was staring downward slightly.

            “You still thinking about doing it?”

            Levi shook her head. “I don’t know… I hate doctors. I can’t stand the hospitals.”

            “I know.” Hanji replied. “As long as you’re comfortable with your body, it doesn’t matter.”

            “I know.” Levi sighed, and pushed her dress back down towards her knees. “Now go make me food.”

            “Yes your highness.” Hanji huffed, and gave a casual smile before exiting the bedroom. Levi walked to the bathroom, washing her face of all the makeup. She sat there, wondering if she should reapply it, and decided against it. She wasn’t going anywhere today. It was her day off, so she didn’t intend to go out if there was food around the house. Levi brushed her teeth and flossed before eventually combing her hair. When she was just about done, there was a knock on the door.

            “I’ll get it!” Hanji called. The kitchen was the second room before the front door. She pushed open the front door, and glanced forward, and up at the taller blond man before her. She tilted her head in slight confusion, she had never met him before. Hanji held the door tight for a moment, and took in the other. He was dressed in blue jeans, a black polo shirt, and a black snow jacket.

            “Um, hello. Who are you?” Hanji asked.

            The man tilted his head slight. “Are you… the Valkyrie?”

            Hanji raised her brows. “Ah…” she turned her head back towards the kitchen. “Hey, one of your computer friends are here!”

            Levi’s face scrunched up at the announcement. She stepped out into the kitchen, looking towards the front door. “I don’t have any computer frie—”

            Erwin Smith stared right at her.

            “No fuckin way.” She hissed. Levi shifted back into the kitchen, and glanced towards the block of wood holding her kitchen knives. She grasped one, and rushed back out, holding it up to Erwin.

            “Woah!” Hanji raised her hands up, stepping away from the door.

            “Get out of my house.” Levi snapped, and came forward, arms down, knife pointing forward.

            “Recognize me?” Erwin asked, arms folded across his chest.

            “I said get out.” Levi barked.

            “You must be the Valkyrie.” Erwin remarked.

            “How did you find this place?” Levi hissed. “Who told you that?” She came right up to Erwin, bringing the chef knife up as well.

            “You must know all about me, so I figured I’d learn about you.” Erwin doesn’t flinch when the knife comes up towards his face. He felt surprisingly calm about the woman before him. He glanced to Hanji, and dipped his head as a way to excuse himself. “Good evening. I see you two were probably heading to bed. Mind if I come in?” Erwin stepped forward despite Levi ushering the knife closer to his throat when he does. He shuts the door behind him without waiting for either of them to give him permission. The silence rifting between them was somewhat intense, so he turned at the slight bitter smell, and the soft whistle of a kettle.

            “Is that coffee?” Erwin asked. “Could you spare some? I have a long night ahead of me.”

            “Wait just a fucking minute. Don’t come into my house and just invite yourself for dinner, you washed up old freak.” Levi hissed. “How did you get here?”

            Erwin turned around, now deeper inside her house. He folded his arms, and then reached towards his shoulder bag, retrieving a manila envelope with a thick report of his life. “I believe this is familiar to you?”

            “… That fucking liar.” Levi hissed under her breath.

            “Is there a problem here?” Hanji spoke up.

            “Several. But I’m here to resolve some, not make more.” Erwin then calmly walked towards the kitchen, where he smelt a scent like coffee. He poured out the fancy kettle on the stove, making a mug full, and shutting off the fire. He took a large drink, hoping for something hot after spending so much time in the snow. The bitter flavor was weak and somewhat gross, and Erwin turned around and spat it out into the kitchen sink, scrunching up his face.

            “What is this?” He asked, somewhat puzzled, sniffing it as if to see if it was coffee.

            “It’s roasted barley you fucking jackass.” Levi snapped. She dropped the knife on the counter, and folded her arms. “How did Nile know where I live?”

            Erwin raised his brow. “Oh, he didn’t. But he did know who knew you.” He sighed. “Look. I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

            “Good. If you do I’ll rip you a new one.” Levi huffed. “You’ll be sorry if you try anything.”

            Erwin nodded in agreement. He glanced between them, and the food that was cooking or resting on serving plates. “Why don’t we sit down? I just ate, so I won’t freeload any food off of you.”

            Levi looked furious, but Erwin only looked on with a very calm, stony face. She breathed, and folded her arms, turning away. She shut her eyes to collect herself slightly, and shook her head. “I can’t fucking believe this…” she felt like an idiot. Levi knew her thoughts were slow sometimes, but she felt pathetic. She had helped people for random requests on information before, but usually it was never personally. Levi knew she had only taken in Nile because the request was personal. A friend of a friend of a friend. Of course the connection was too deep to be untraceable. And now Erwin was here in her presence because of a rookie mistake.

            For a while the two just drank in the sight of each other, and Erwin allowed it. He could tell they weren’t sizing each other up, instead it felt more like they were analyzing each other. He glanced over to Hanji, who had made some fried rice and eggs. She glanced between the two of them, but she didn’t stop herself from eating, she was too used to being around awkward individuals.

            “You know my name.” Erwin remarked. “May I know yours? Or is it just the Valkyrie?”

            Levi grit her teeth. She stared for a long moment, ever so often glancing over at her big collection of kitchen knives, the only weapon she could get away with owning. She couldn’t legally own a gun. After glancing around, she sighed, and folded her arms. “Levi.”

            “Levi?” Erwin immediately repeated, thinking on the name. “Levi, then. Well, I apologize for barging into your home, Levi, but I think you’d like to listen to what I have to say.”

            “I doubt it.” Levi barked back. Erwin brought his hands to the table, and set down the report on himself.

            “You’re in my computer.” Erwin remarked. “That’s how you got a lot of this info, right?”

            Hanji glanced up anxiously, looking between the two. Levi was just analyzing Erwin for the time being, glaring at him. She was thinking. How did Erwin get this far without even knowing her name? He must’ve not contacted Nanaba. Levi tried to think of who had her address.

            “That gumshoe dipshit.” Levi hissed when it came to her.

            “What?” Erwin raised his brow.

            “You came here because Nanaba’s ex sent you.”

            “Mike? Yes. He’s a friend of mine.”

            “Brilliant.” Levi huffed.

            “As concerned as I am, I have to admit I’m rather impressed by your abilities.” Erwin explained. “I have a problem right now, you see, Ni—”

            “Nile’s daughter was killed, he wants you to figure it out, I know.”

            Erwin opened his eyes a little from surprise. He analyzed, and relaxed. He scoffed. “I guess I should’ve assumed you were still on my computer.” He shifted back, and glanced over Levi.

            At least he’s not clueless, Levi thought. She started eating some of the fried rice Hanji made, and poured herself a cup of barley tea. “Just leave me be and let me eat and we’ll talk about it.”

            “Very well.” Erwin folded his arms and listened. Levi was grateful for that. He didn’t interrupt at all while she instead focused on Hanji. The two discussed minimally, and Hanji remarked she’d be busy tonight, but she’d come by sometime soon enough to talk about the “unholy Pastor”. Erwin didn’t know what that meant, and even thought curiosity gnawed him, he didn’t pry. Hanji asked if he would like a drink, so he settled on iced water. He let them eat. It seemed like the time spent in silence was relaxing Levi a little bit, and she sighed deeply once she finished her breakfast. It seemed the two had just woken up, not just got ready for bed. Hanji put on a thin tight shirt with her short skirt, and added boots before wrapping her arm around Levi, and giving her a quick peck on the forehead.

            “Anything happens and you tell me, okay?” Hanji told her while the two stood at the front door.

            “If I have to dispose of his body I’ll let you know.” Levi gestured towards Erwin, much to his dismay. Hanji laughed about it, so Erwin assumed it was a joke. Then she exited, and Levi shut the door. Her eyes were shut, and she just stood still at the closed door for a moment. She collected herself, and walked over to Erwin, staring at him while she remained standing.

            “What do you want?” she finally asked.

            Erwin breathed in, he was glad that was addressed. “Were you aware of why Nile asked for information on me in the first place?”

            “I assume to blackmail you.”

            “I was thinking that too.” Erwin remarked. “But instead he asked for a favor instead of blackmailing me right off the bat. I assume he didn’t want me to say no to this case. You must know that I am now investigating Annie Dawk’s death.”

            Levi nodded. “So?”

            “Well. I could give you a firm scolding on not going through other people’s belongings, but I’ll spare you the lecture.” Erwin paused. “Not too long ago… this morning actually, I encountered some strange things in Annie’s room. I also have her laptop. I was hoping to find someone who could access it for me.”

            “Well, you’re shit outta luck.” Levi huffed. “I don’t have a computer at the moment, it broke a couple days ago. I’ve been borrowing from a friend.”

            Erwin pressed his lips. “I see. Regardless, I still want to ask something of you. I’d like your help in this case. I can see you’re a fantastic investigator whether you believe it or not. I need another set of eyes, another mind to work with. A different perspective.”

            “Why?”

            “There’s something off about this case. I can feel that instinctively.” Erwin stressed. “I’m not sure what I can tell you, what you don’t already know. Before I go on, I want to know that I can trust you.”

            “How so?”

            “In the way that my information is safe with you. I’ve heard you’re very reliable. Would it be all right for me to tell you things that can never be spoken about around anyone else?”

            “Considering I know you jack off to cartoons and BDSM threesomes, I’m pretty sure we can keep some secrets between us.”

            Erwin almost spat out his drink on the table. “What?” He asked, trying not to cough on his beverage.

            “If I remember distinctively, you have about twenty different videos saved to your computer. Ten of them were BDSM related, most of them were threesomes. Then a few videos of Japanese cartoons, and some lesbian and gay pornos. Right?”

            Erwin tried not to get hot under the collar, but it was a little too late. He couldn’t help a hot flush of shame coming to the edge of his cheeks, and even though his stone-faced expression stayed, his pink face indicated otherwise. Levi scoffed a laugh, and drank some of her tea. She tried to remind herself that knowledge is power. Erwin certainly may have walked in with brass balls and cocksure, but she knew confidently she was still the one in control. She thought a bit about Annie. Perhaps it was more power than she really wanted.

            “Don’t worry. Your jerk off material, and every other secret is safe with me.” Levi replied. “Unless you try to fuck me over. Then everyone’s going to know Humanity Magazines famous stone faced reporter, Erwin Smith, jacks it to shitty American dubbings of sex cartoons.”

            Erwin was taking quite a while to find a way to respond to that. After he took in the very uncomforting threat, he folded his arms, and sighed. “I wouldn’t even consider fucking you over.” He remarked. “I only want you to help me out.”

            Levi nodded. “Make it clear then. What do you want me to do for you? I have a job. A life. So be upfront.”

            Erwin agreed with the sentiment. “All I want you to do is help me catch a murderer.”

            “Fair enough.” Levi replied. “And what is in it for me?”

            “Absolutely nothing.” Erwin replied. “I have no way of paying you. Only the security that one less grotesque murderer is on the loose in Seattle.”

            Levi pressed her lips. Erwin knew his offer was hollow, and considering his phrasing wasn’t exactly how he meant for it to come out, he had a feeling she’d say no. He figured he could find help elsewhere, even if he was mildly disappointed. He thought on it for a while.

            “I’m sorry to ask this.” Erwin started. “Before this morning I didn’t even know you existed in this world. And not a few hours ago I didn’t even know your real name, Levi.” He turned his head. “And yet you know things about me that my best friends wouldn’t know. Including the more shameful things… yet I don’t know anything about you.”

            “Are you saying you want to be my friend?” Levi asked suddenly.

            “I’d at least like to get to know you.” Erwin replied.

            “You don’t think maybe inviting me to dinner would be a better way than proposing a murder investigation?”

            “I figure the latter is more your type.” Erwin replied simply.

            Levi scoffed, and shook her head. “I can’t believe you…” she stared down at herself.

            “Is that a yes?”

            She went silent for a long moment, then she sighed. “A tentative yes.” She huffed. “But it’s still a yes.”

Levi extended her arm to shake Erwin’s hand. He grasped her, and the two both shook on their mutual pact.


	4. The Flaying Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning : Before continuing on with this chapter I will mention there are graphic depictions of rape in this chapter. This will be discussed throughout the rest of the plot, if you don’t want to read anything regarding graphic rape, I suggest not reading this chapter. It’s all right to adjust to your comfort level and avoid this. Please take heed to the tags if you have triggers or discomfort from this topic.  
> I suppose if you've read the book this is based on, you knew this was going to happen.

_Every 2 minutes an American is sexually assaulted._

_Every 8 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison._

_—RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)_

_One in three women in the United States will experience some form of physical or sexual assault. This statistic is doubled for transgender and gender non-conforming individuals._

_—UN Women_

* * *

 “Sorry S.H. this is the fastest it goes.” Nanaba leaned on the desk chair where Levi was settled. Levi had Annie’s laptop sitting at the edge of the desk, several ports plugged the desktop and laptop together like it was on life support. Levi watched the hard drive and information continue to download. Only a few documents had gone through after a whole morning of trying to get the computers to hook up and connect in the first place.

            “Fuck me…” Levi murmured, taking a long drink of tea that Nanaba placed at her side. She tried to open one of the documents while the others loaded, to at least have some head start at reading.

            “Might not want to do that.” Nanaba pointed out. “That’ll slow it down some more.”

            “Fucking hell.” Levi cursed some more, and rolled her eyes as Nanaba’s words came true. The computer practically froze up trying to open the document while downloading. She forced the task to stop, and sat there, head tilted back while she stared at Nanaba’s ceiling.

            “I told you, you have to get a new laptop. And soon, ‘cause I’ve been holding onto your hard drive files and it’s cluttering up my computer.”

            Levi cringed at the thought. She knew she’d have to go back and face Nick again. Still, that didn’t stop her from trying to avoid it. He insisted on meeting once a week, and asking invasive question after invasive question. He would ask Levi about her boyfriend, who she had made up to try and stop his questions. Apparently Levi was sexually active with this ‘boyfriend’ and they had protected sex and all sorts of nonsense like that. Nick was still pushing to find out whether Levi was ‘worked on’ below the belt, and constantly insinuated what he imagined Levi looked like down there. Every moment spent with him felt like time spent drinking poison. It felt worse and nauseating the longer it went on.

            “What’s so important about this computer anyway?” Nanaba’s voice broke up Levi’s thoughts. Levi glanced down at Annie’s computer, and shrugged.

            “I got commissioned to do some work again. Nothing major this time, but I figure I get it done fast.” She muttered.

            “Well, like I said, better to just another laptop.” Nanaba repeated. They glanced over to Levi. “If you’re a little short on cash, I can spare you some change. I know you don’t like borrowing, but this is sort of our job. I understand the need.”

            Levi scowled, trying not to curl her lip. Her funds were just fine. Considering Levi spent very little money outside of what was necessary and a few cartons of cigarettes, she had a good amount in the bank. Nothing to be proud about, but considering she was so controlled and cut off because of the mental illnesses, it was more than the usual amount for ‘someone of her mental caliber’ as it was put.

            No, instead the problem was Nick again. He had frozen all of her funds pretty much an hour before their first meeting, without any consent from Levi. Nick had taken all the money and transferred it to a new account which he held under lock and key. He had stipend monthly allowances, which was enough for food and toiletries, but he had almost gotten it down to a science. He knew that anything more would have to result in asking permission like a five-year-old clinging to their mother’s side. Levi’s blood boiled at the thought of having to ask some disgusting old pig for _her_ money from _her_ account. What could she do? Pixis was always so kind, perhaps this was what was the norm? If that was the case, then Levi knew she was fucked. Even if Nick got pushed away, Levi didn’t know if any other guardian would be worse or not.

           Even something like a small tattoo would cause a noticeable charge. Nick would definitely push, and he would most likely want to know where the tattoo was, what it looked like, where it came from. Levi had already had him come far too close for comfort as he examined the tattoo behind her ear, on her wrists, on her ankle. He had tried to tell her to take off her shirt in his office so he could see the back tattoo. Levi nearly threw a fit, even after he tried to ‘stop Levi’s perverse thoughts’ as he continued to blame Levi for being the perverted one. For thinking such sexual thoughts when all he wanted was to ‘get to know her’. Levi cringed even more at the thought.

            A laptop, especially the kind Levi bought, would be a very noticeable charge. It would be two months’ worth of ‘Nick’s stipend’ and he would definitely be all over Levi for even attempting to ask.

            She decided that she would have to try regardless. The disgusting old man was still, unfortunately, an obstacle she would have to deal with. Pixis had stressed to her that much of life was dealing with things that she would want to avoid instead. Tackling the issue would be better than just waiting on it. Levi figured out exactly how much a laptop with some memory add-ons and a speed booster would be around roughly $4000 USD. The insurance on the previous laptop cushioned the blow to $2500 USD. She knew if it got more expensive, she could just ask Nanaba for a hundred or two, it would be much easier than asking Nick. The only unfortunate was Levi had a feeling as long as Nick was her guardian, she wouldn’t be able to pay back Nanaba for their troubles.

            Levi scheduled an appointment with Nick for the next available opening. She wrote and prepped and took some anxiety pills before trying to settle down and figure out exactly what to say to Nick in order to convince him that she needed the laptop. She called the office receptionist, and was able to slot in a time the next day for Nick to meet with her. He always seemed to push Levi towards the end of the day, so she was the last appointment, as usual. The few times they met, Nick very often held her past the hour, pushing invasive questions, vague threats, and meaningless advice over and over.

            The sun had set some time around four, so it was already getting dark by the time Levi arrived for her appointment with Nick. Her stomach is churning, every notion of him already sets her on edge. Still, there was no other way around this. She knew money had to be asked for in person, over the phone was too much of a hassle. On the phone, her anxiety spiked for no real reason and she couldn’t say her words right. If she was lucky it could go by fast.

            “I need twenty-five hundred dollars.” Levi spoke before she had even shut the door. Nick’s face was the same disgust and sagging old man as ever. There was a slight notice of surprise in his eyes, and he straightened his back in his chair.

            “I see we still need to work on your social skills.” He chided. His voice is low. Levi walked forward, and plopped herself down into the chair. She folded her arms.

            “I need twenty-five hundred dollars.”

            “What was Pixis even teaching you when he decided you belonged out in the world?” Nick raised his voice, clearly dissatisfied. “Do you think you’ll get what you want just barking at me like I’m your personal butler?” A sharp expression was met by Levi’s glowering. “What on earth do you need that much money for?”

            “I broke my laptop.” Levi mumbled.

            “What did you do to it?”

            She didn’t respond.

            “Well?” Nick urged. “How do I know you aren’t lying?”

            “I fell down the stairs while I was in town.”

            “Were you drunk?”

            Levi grit her teeth. “No.” she huffed.

            “So you don’t drink?”

            “Fuck’s it matter?” she hissed.

            Nick’s expression darkened, and his eyebrows knit. Levi shut her eyes and felt her stomach reel. She was already fucking up, she knew it, but his egging on was infuriating. He continued to stare at her, and he sighed deeply. “You are on such thin ice. Must you keep this attitude up?” He huffed.

            “It’s my money. I was using it just fine—”

            “You’ve argued this point enough!” He snapped loud enough for someone outside the office to hear. His fist was in a vice-like grip, and Nick froze, and stared at the door. He didn’t hear anyone outside, his desk was far away from the front desk, so he shook his head and continued. “I don’t see your mental capacity is well enough for handling money, let alone carrying a conversation. Now answer me clearly, why do you need so much money?”

            Levi felt her stomach tying up into knots. She had to be on his good side, as much as it killed her. She swallowed. “I need a good computer.”

            “At such a price? What for?”

            “It’s for my job. And I like to use it for general things. Games. Browsing.” She remained vague.

            “Do you watch videos on your computer?”

            “Sometimes.”

            “What kind?”

            Levi tightened her jaw. “Any.” She replied. “It only takes a few seconds to write a check. I’ll bring the computer and the recite to show you I didn’t use it for anything else.”

            Part of Levi realized that the sentence was wrong, and she shouldn’t have spoken it. She showed Nick now she was willing to obey his stupid rules and jump hurdles if she’d get something she’d like. And part of her realized he knew that, his body language changed, he leaned over the desk, and tilted his head in concern. “Is that so?” he asked. “So you’re going to co-operate?”

            Levi glanced away, regretting the move as well. She knew the body language she gave seemed submissive. Nick seemed to prefer that. “Yes.” She mumbled.

            “Good.” Nick rose out of his chair, and strode over to Levi. He didn’t have a checkbook in his hands. “I’ve been hoping you’d co-operate over something.”

He sighed through his nose, and reached towards the blinds, twisting them shut. The room had several lights on, and it was already dim, so the lightning didn’t change much save that the orange streetlights were no longer cast over the windows. Nick walked over to Levi, and put his hand on her shoulder. She twitched, but didn’t move. He pressed his thumbs against her neck, massaging. Nothing. Taking it as a sign, Nick slid his hands down, and grasped one of her breasts, squeezing.

            Levi had a sudden desire to act like a wild dog. To jump up and bite at his throat until she tore it out. She didn’t move. Pixis had stressed to her the seriousness of violence, of her actions, and she couldn’t bring herself to think through what to do fast enough. She felt the man’s huge hands on her chest.

            And they were gone. The whole incident only lasting seconds. She knew she couldn’t fight back, so Levi just sat there, trying not to show outwardly how disgusted she felt. Nick was smiling. He had white teeth, bleached clean, it seemed worn from drinking too much wine and coffee. He gazed to her, his eyes carrying some hint of amusement and pleasure. Levi pressed her lips. He was making his move, declaring his first attack, and Levi knew it was a display. Nick carried an overwhelming dominant disposition.

            “We’ve gotten off on bad terms.” Nick remarked. “But I know you have it in you to grow up. Right?” He asked.

            When Levi said nothing, he added. “You are already an adult. You have to make adult decisions.” He raised his brow. “Do you understand?”

            Levi glanced back. “I want control of my money if I’m an adult.”

            He frowned. “Well, I have to see if you’re actually going to be a grown up.” He replied, and sighed sharply. Nick massaged the bridge of his nose, it seemed he was trying to relax himself.

“Look, why don’t we start this whole meeting over?” Nick walked around, behind his desk, and opened a small mini-fridge located there. Levi noted there was some half-eaten food, an uncorked bottle of wine, some sodas, and water bottles. “I need something to calm my nerves. Do you drink?”

            Levi glanced at the bottle of wine. “No.” She lied.

            Nick frowned again. “I see.” He replied. Still, he removed the wine bottle, and a single glass which was sitting on the shelf along with some of his other unrefrigerated alcohol, bourbon and the likes, all in fancy decanters, decorating the cabinet behind his desk. He poured a single glass. “Take a drink then. A soda? You have a bit of a commute, right? You must want something to drink.”

            Levi blinked, she glanced down at the mini-fridge. She swallowed. He would get more irritable if she didn’t take something, but at the same time, she felt increasing worry about taking a drink. He seemed disappointed about the wine. Levi folded her arms. “Lemon-lime.” She replied.

            “Ah.” Nick replied, he smiled, and pulled a can of soda out. He cracked it open in front of Levi, and grasped another glass in his cabinet. He poured the drink out into the glass. Levi watched him do so. He did this all in front of her, open and vulnerable. Levi watched his sleeves, but nothing came out. He set the glass down. “Isn’t this easier when we are getting along?”

            “Mhn.” Levi mumbled. She reached forward, and grabbed the glass of soda. Nick sipped his wine, swirling it, letting it air a bit. She drank. The soda didn’t taste strange.

            “So why don’t you tell me about this whole computer thing?” Nick remarked. “Why did it happen?”

            “I was careless and I slipped down the stairs… I told you. It’s winter, and the floor got icy…”

            “Where were you?”

            “At a friend’s house.”

            “Which friend? Your boyfriend?”

            Levi drank, she downed the rest of the beverage. She had almost forgotten about her supposed boyfriend. She nodded in agreement. “He has a two story house.”

            “His bedroom is on the second floor?”

            Levi nodded.

            Nick started to prattle on and on, and asked more and more questions, about whether Levi liked oral or anal or vaginal. He pushed again to ask if Levi had ever had vaginal sex. She said yes, with another woman, once. He asked again if she was ‘worked on’ below the belt, but Levi didn’t feel like talking. She didn’t feel like doing anything. She just wanted to go home and forget all this even happened. She knew Nanaba would be irritated by being heckled for money, but Nanaba was a lot better than ever returning to this asshole. Nick asked if Levi wanted another soda. Levi nodded. He handed the can this time, and Levi thanked him in a muted tone.

            Levi woke up in a bed in a motel they had never been to before. She knew she was naked, she could feel nothing on her skin, and she was laying on scratchy sheets. The most obvious feeling was the assaulting pain inside her. A man was jabbing his hands into her. Poking and stabbing their fingernails into her insides. She opened her mouth to make a noise, but all that came out was a grumble. Levi felt cloth around her mouth, a knot fastened on the back of her head, the pain throbbing as she’d been laying on it for a while.

            Nick looked somewhat frightened. He stared at Levi with wide focused eyes, and sneered then. Levi immediately pulled her hands up to sit up, but her hands wouldn’t move. They were tied up, behind her back, wrists strapped to the adjacent arms elbow. She couldn’t free them if she tried. Her legs were spread eagle, and tied to the edges of the bed. She screamed, but it was a slur, not loud like she thought it’d be. Her whole body throbbed. She felt a blistering red pain on her face before she registered that Nick’s hand had slapped her face.

            “Shut your mouth.” He hissed. He licked his lips. His hair was a mess, and he was sweaty and naked and Levi stared at him, glaring, like her eyes could kill. Nick grasped her throat. She let out a yelp, and struggled her binds again. “I guess they lied—gave me a weak dose after all.”

            Weak dose? Levi’s mind raced, even if it felt like things had to catch up to her. He hadn’t slipped anything, no moment where the soda disappeared, he opened it in front of her, he couldn’t have pierced the can, if he did, could he guess that was what she picked? Or that she would drink it—

            The glass.

            Levi felt a stab of pain in her bottom, and yelped, but she grit her teeth when her eyes watered.

            The fucking glass. She felt stupid, she felt humiliatingly stupid, like all the high schoolers who called her retarded, who watched her sit in front of the chalk board and couldn’t answer questions, could barely read. God, she cussed, why was she thinking of this now?

            “So I guess you weren’t worked on down here, huh? Not even a real tranny.” Nick’s fingers twist painfully inside, enough to make Levi shout. “Doesn’t matter. I'll teach you how a real girl fucks. You're good when your mouth is shut.”

            Levi shut her eyes. She didn’t want to listen. Nick wasn’t done with her. He was pushing inside, and she struggled before she gave up and froze. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of her bouncing around helplessly. She laid limp. Play dead. Her eyes stayed open. The pain was intense, but she refused to cry.

            “It’s good to see you being obedient.” His voice was cutting, pouring acid on wounds, he was teasing and acting playful. He was clearly not wanting Levi to be awake right now. “You should’ve been nicer to me.” He remarked. His hand touched her face, she felt something slimy on his fingers smear on her cheek. “If you aren’t nice and obedient, I could have you locked away forever. Would you prefer that?”

            Levi stared at him, and nodded, her eyes glaring a hole through him.

            He slapped her hard across the face, the sting returning, she felt like a bruise might form. Nick grasped her by the sides, and dug his nails in, enough to leave marks. He heaved Levi upright, sitting on his lap, and stared her in the eye. He was over a foot taller than her, and weighed twice as much. Levi knew, even if she was unstrapped, she had no power to fight back. The pain went deeper. She shut her eyes, and crinkled her brow.

            “You act so brave, and speak so loud, but you’re still just a brat, a filthy mouthed little brat with no manners.” Nick’s breath was a disgusting smell of souring red wine and the scent of some dead animal rotting. Levi did her best not to vomit, she was gagged so she knew she could easily just choke and die, and she was not planning on dying. Not now. Not with this much rage in her, not with this much pain, not in this horrific position with this horrific man. “Don’t act fearless, even I know what scares you.”

            Levi opened her eyes to glare at him. He pushed her back down on the bed, and reached over her. She felt his sweaty skin slide on her, and she shut her eyes. He grabbed something off the nightstand. She heard a snap, and a click, and the sound of something charging, and a sudden buzzing clicking noise over her head.

            Levi couldn’t see, but she was paralyzed with sudden fear. She heard the noise, and instantly her body seized, her eyes held a terror, and she felt like a child, wanting to scream, wanting to cry. She threw her energy into pulling her binds on her arms, but it just seemed to make them tighter.

            Nick held the source of the noise to her face. Levi immediately stopped, and shut her eyes. He was holding a taser, short range, the thick blue electricity bouncing between it’s two prongs. Nick’s laugh is a pathetic one, a laugh like someone who had pulled a prank one someone, humiliating, demeaning, disgustingly happy with himself. He snapped it on and off and each click and snap of electricity made Levi’s heart go haywire. She couldn’t handle it. She turned away. She needed to get out of here.

            “Look at you… he was right. You’re like a child.” He hissed, and held the taser close. “Does it remind you of anything?”

            Levi could only be reminded of the desire to die. She struggled. The taser came up to her face, near her eyes. Nick didn’t even touch her, and she collapsed against the bed, her eyes shut, her body seizing, and suddenly, she was out of it again.

* * *

 

Nick was gone by the time she woke up. He’d left her there, and had placed a check for her on the nightstand, as well as a reminder for their next appointment. Levi found her clothes thrown all over the floor, some of it was torn, and her panties were gone. The pervert had stolen them. She didn’t doubt it. She felt intense pain just moving around. When she sat up, blood rushed down from her head and she felt her vision spot and black out for a moment. When it filled back in, she stood slowly, but collapsed back onto the bed. She glanced down. Between her legs was sticky, red and white liquid. Levi trembled in pain.

            “No crying.” She said it out loud, but her body couldn’t stop spasming, her whole frame couldn’t stop shaking. Levi repeated over and over. She found it in herself to finally stand, and limped, holding onto the bed, and onto the wall, making her way over to the bathroom mirror. She flicked the light on. The side of her face was red, and Nick had hit hard enough to leave a slight bruise on her cheek. Her wrists and elbows were bruising slightly, only red for now, but turning dark in color. Her ankles were not as bad. She limped, and felt the pain splitting inside her.

            She slipped on her clothes. Her shirt was torn slightly around the breast, but she had her jacket still, and slipped it on over the torn shirt. She slipped her pants on, no underwear. Then Levi stumbled out.

            If Levi was a normal U.S. citizen, perhaps she would’ve called the cops. Perhaps she would’ve told the motel owner, she would’ve collected the bedsheets, done a rape kit, it would’ve been enough. They would have to know that she couldn’t have consented. Not when she felt blood seeping onto her black jeans because she didn’t have her panties. Not when she felt freezing because her clothes were wet and she was in pain like this, limping her way home.

            Levi was once a normal citizen. She was once found sitting in a car as a teenager, drunk off her ass, with another man, around his fifties. They arrested him for rape then as well. He was a very rich man, and he often loitered around clubs. Levi remembered being forced to face him over and over, in court, in describing what happened. But she never remembered. He had drugged her, but they didn’t find any drugs in her system. Just alcohol. The man claimed he was lied to. Levi was in the club, he thought ‘he was of age’. Then he claimed he didn’t touch Levi because it was ‘a boy’ and he wasn’t ‘a fag’ as he had put it. He remarked that Levi acted like a prostitute, that he was a very important man, that he had a family, was divorced, that Levi was ruining him. Thankfully they still found him guilty, and Pixis rebutted as hard as he could. Levi was young, but she didn’t deserve such abuse, that she was drinking, but that she didn’t deserve to be drugged. That she didn’t deserve to sit here and be forced to retell this over and over again. That she was young and she had her life ahead of her. That she was misguided, and had an ill mind, but she was a good person, that she deserved better.

            They sentenced the man to six months.

            Levi recalled seeing him a few times afterwards. In the grocery store. In the mall. Walking to the coffee shop. Passing by restaurants. His reputation was bruised for life. But that was all the weight he carried. Levi was forced to carry the pain, the humiliation, the disbelief of others, the name calling, the pain, the ache of remembering, that this torture, this act of dominance and humiliation wasn’t enough for a man to be punished more than a year.

            She woke up in a car, and that was all it was. She woke up next to a man she never knew, in pain, confused, barely handling high school being beat up for being a shemale, now she was a whore on top of it. Levi couldn’t handle walking home while being close to the street. She didn’t want to go to clubs anymore. She would stay far away from cars being driven by men. The boys in high school would harass for a quick fuck in the back of their cars. Levi eventually beat someone up so violently they finally expelled her from school.

            A couple years later, she got over her fear of cars, and learned how to drive.

* * *

 

            Levi had to limp all the way home. When the same group of drunk men harassed her, she flinched harder than normal, and they jeered and reached out to touch her. She ran home, and threw herself into her small house. She locked the front door, and bolted it. The door opened into the kitchen, directly in front was her dinner table. to her left, the sink, with a window above looking over the street, the oven, a small counter in an ‘L’ shape clinging to the wall slightly so to separate the bedroom, which was just a small area with a large window and some bookshelves beside the bed. She didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t going to call the cops. She didn’t trust them. She didn’t trust the law. She’d seen enough trans girls in her life die from people with guns, she’d seen them hurt molested, framed, and she’d seen the cops do all but nothing for them. She didn’t trust them any more than she trusted a convict from prison. They were on equal levels. Believing they could live above the law.

            She sat in her kitchen, and smoked. Levi brought the American Spirit cigarette up to her lips and dragged long heavy breaths of it. Sitting was too painful, so she laid on her side in bed. The bed was too much, she didn’t want to lay down at the moment, not after what had happened. So she was pacing around her house, terrified at every shadow that passed her house, twitching and reeling at every person that walked by her house. She instinctively hid in the kitchen when she heard a man’s voice passing the house.

            When she finished smoking, she opened her fridge, and threw all of her cans of soda into the trash. She just couldn’t handle it right now. She wasn’t going to handle it, she needed to manage. After that she stripped her clothes and threw that as well into the trash. She walked to the bathroom now covering her naked, bruised body. She turned, and made sure to grab a kitchen knife. The chef knife, and she stepped into the shower with it.

            Levi washed and washed and watched reddened water drain into the tub as she washed between her legs. She could feel it. Feel what had happened, her body being touched numbly, and her ass and thighs erupted in pain. She tried to touch inside, but it only felt worse, and she pulled out, and tried to spray water inside with the shower head, but even that was proving painful. She slid down to her knees, unable to sit on her bottom. She let the spray of hot water just run down her body. Levi sat there for a long time.

            She allowed herself to cry. She argued and combatted herself for a long while, and decided that nobody was looking, and that was okay. She cried. Her eyes got puffy and red and pained at every touch. She felt her nose running and she rubbed her nose with her hands, and placed her face against the wall of the shower, and let the spray drown out any pathetic noise she made the whole time. Her fingertips were wrinkled by the time she got out. Levi slipped on her gaff. It took her a while, her legs and her whole bottom half was still in a lot of pain, but she managed. She thankfully had period pads for some old friends, so she made sure to place it in her gaff, near her buttocks—Levi was still bleeding there. She slipped on pants, and a belt, and pulled on her bra, and a shirt, as well as a jacket.

            Levi laid down on the bed, but she couldn’t sleep. The feeling was too familiar. She cussed at herself. She couldn’t be afraid of beds, she told herself. Who the fuck would be afraid of beds? How was she supposed to tell people she couldn’t sleep on a bed? Yet every time she laid her body down on her own bed, she felt the straps pulling her ankles, her arms bound, the pain between her legs—

            She couldn’t. Her body ached. She wrapped a blanket around herself, one Hanji gave her. It still smelt of Hanji, and her cheap 7-11 perfume. Levi was wrapped deeply in clothes and blankets, and her body still felt gross and naked. She cursed herself. No. She repeated. She had her crying time, she wasn’t going to do it again.

            The sound of a dog barking, and people trotting around was still making her antsy and jumpy. Levi shut all the blinds, and turned on the lights in her house. She didn’t want any shadows around. She walked over to the bathroom, and retrieved the knife she left in the shower. She clutched it to her chest, blanket quietly dragging on the ground. Another man’s voice came from across the street. He was greeting his friends. Levi nearly jumped suddenly enough to cut herself. She walked over to her CD collection, and popped one into her old radio. There was some vinyls from the band as well, she enjoyed them dearly. They were mostly cyberpunk heavy metal, and occasionally hard rock. The music was loud, and she cranked it up on high. She couldn’t hear any noises. Just the thudding of her own house from the sound echoing outside. She curled up in the armchair. Her back was still aching, throbbing, pulsing and she couldn’t sit for long.

            So Levi found a spot in her small kitchen, and laid flat on the kitchen linoleum floor. She held the knife in her hands, and curled Hanji’s blanket around herself. The music was thudding; the fluorescent lights were humming. The house was wide awake with light and noises. Levi listened to the music pounding on the floor of her house, and when it reached a certain song, one about how the robots enslaved humans and used them as batteries for their ‘god-computer’ how the humans fought back, and were obliterated and ripped apart, how there was no solution outside of total annihilation for the human race—somewhere in between, Levi found it in herself to sleep.

* * *

 

“Hey, Hanji, I know you were going to come over today, but, I’m going to be out all day, okay? I’m sorry… I know… I, I have some shit to do, you know, just errands and shit… yeah. I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m serious, don’t worry about me. Christ Hanji, didn’t you just get home from work?” Levi checked the clock on the over; it was five in the morning,

            “Get some sleep for fucks sake. All right. All right. I love you too. Okay. See you later. Bye.” Levi hung up first because Hanji liked to draw out hanging up, and she just couldn’t do it today. She didn’t want to see Hanji, she didn’t want to see anybody. Levi hated having to tell two different lies to her friends, but it was necessary. Levi couldn’t speak anymore, she didn’t want to, only Hanji was the person who got to hear from her that day. Instead she shot Nanaba an email.

            <valkyrie-blixt999>

Hey B,

Can you cover my shift today?

            <banana-nanaba>

What? Why? I just covered you a little while ago.

Are you okay?

<valkyrie-blixt999>

I’m fine. I’m just sick. Can you do it or not?

            <banana-nanaba>

I guess so. Do you want me to come over? I can bring soup or something.

            <valkyrie-blixt999>

Don’t come over. I’m tired.

            Nanaba might’ve sent a message back, but Levi couldn’t be bothered to check her phone after the string of emails. She was in pain, and she had to try and mask her limp as best as she could while she went to the drug store and got a sitz bath, an enema, some painkillers, some nausea medicine, and some bottled water. Her body throbbed, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to go out again. If she got hungry she decided on Chinese takeout, and left it at that.

            Levi felt like she was chugging painkillers all day, and followed the instruction to sit for only ten to fifteen minutes around three times a day in the sitz bath. She cleaned herself with an enema, but her body only felt terrible afterwards.

            The pain lasted a whole week. Nick called, his secretary reminded Levi to make another appointment. Hanji did eventually visit, and Levi admitted that she caught a cold doing errands and got sick. Hanji noticed the bruise on her face. Levi admitted she got drunk and fell down the steps outside of the bar they frequented. Hanji felt incredibly worried, and she was only over for an hour when she concluded something was wrong. Levi told her she honestly didn’t want to talk, and asked if she could leave.

Hanji did so, and she texted Levi later asking if Levi was afraid to talk about something out loud. Levi remarked that she was just irritable when she was sick. Hanji said that wasn’t true. Levi knew she was the one who took care of her usually when she was sick, so Hanji would know. Levi admitted that she just wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to talk about it. Hanji reassured Levi she was there for her. Levi thanked her, and Hanji responded, but Levi just couldn’t text back.

            About three days later, drugged up on painkillers, making sure they weren’t blood thinners, Levi wandered to her usual tattoo shop, and rolled up her pants, and asked for a tattoo of a knife on the back of her knee. It was a very quick design, not cartoonish, but somewhat cold and flat, simplistic. The tattoo artist had done quite a bit of work on her before.

            “I know you’ve got tats before, but the back of the knee? That’s gonna hurt, hun.”

            “I know.” Levi laid on her stomach in the chair, and kept her hand on the chef knife in her jacket. “It’s to remind me of something.”

            “All right. If you say so.”

            For the whole time, Levi could only think of how to get Nick out of her life. The first couple of days she fantasized killing him, torturing him the same way she was being tortured now, skinning him crossed her mind. She looked up some pictures of flaying during the renaissance era. Since most of it was church imagery, there was slight reassurance to her, knowing some of the people depicted in the pictures were pastors.

            She thought about poison. He had poisoned her in a way, she looked up all sorts of recipes. Anthrax in the mail. Or even Devil’s Breath. He would be out like a light. He’d just have to open it in the right place. She thought about freak accidents. Car explosions, stovetop gas leaks, gasoline fueled explosion in the garage. She didn’t even know what his house was like, so she scrapped most of the ideas.

            When it hit Levi, she realized that even if she got rid of Nick, there was no telling that the next guardian would be even worse.

            Her body shuddered when she thought of the possibility that there was someone worse.

            Nick had control on her life. She needed it back. Eventually she decided she couldn’t kill him, but she needed to take control back. If she had control on Nick, then all would be well. She felt like laughing at her pathetic self, only that she wasn’t cruel enough to laugh at who she was. Here she was, plotting her liberation, yet she couldn’t even handle the thought of drinking a soda without seizing up.

            Levi thought.

            She needed proof. A reason that Nick needed to be under her control. So Levi thought for a while. She needed to catch him in the act. As much as the idea disgusted her, she knew she had to be strong. People had endured torture, and they made it out alive. She had to be the same.

            Levi had managed to avoid calling Nick for a while, though he had rung he house phone several times. She finally called him back, and told him she needed money again. It was a lie, since she hadn’t bought a laptop with the money he gave. He had only handed over $500 dollars. Instead, she withdrew all of the money in cash so Nick couldn’t see what she’d been buying. She had bought a miniature snake camera, and a very small battery pack so it was small enough to fit in her jacket. She knew to play it smart. She wasn’t going to drink anything. She wasn’t going to get close. If she had to strip, she would lay her jacket somewhere properly. So long as she had caught him, she would have what she needed.

            Nick had asked her to meet him at his house instead of his office. She was all right with that, it meant she wasn’t going to be dragged over to some motel, he was probably going to commit the act right then and there.  So she prepared herself, took more anxiety meds, more painkillers, made sure she was sane and ready for what was about to happen. Last time she was unconscious, but she needed to make sure this was caught. The pain still haunted her. Levi wasn’t daunted. She needed her freedom back, and she was going to get it.

* * *

 

Levi had pockets on her studded leather jacket, and the camera was impossible to notice when it matched the sleek black shine everything else had. She had a black t-shirt, black jeans, and combat boots on.

            The moment she walked in, Levi felt disgust crawl up her spine.

            Nick was dressed only in his bathrobes. He was swirling some glass of wine. His house was well furbished, old bookcases covered with bibles and pictures of members of Nick’s church back when he was a former pastor. Did they know who he really was? Levi decided not to think about it. She just skulked forward, running her finger over her mascara cover eyes. Levi knew she’d get evidence. It was radiating off him. She just hoped she could bear it.

            “Eager, are we?” Nick remarked when Levi walked into his house. She studied the area. There was a coffee table and a long couch. The next room on the left opened up into a bedroom, she could see there was already things laying on the nightstand. There was a big flat-screen T.V. inside the room, at the far end of the room, across the foot of the bed. Levi turned around. Nick shut the door, and locked it. Levi turned around, and faced him.  
            “Come on.” Nick put his arm around Levi, and squeezed her shoulder. She tensed up. “Tell me what you need this time. Are you buying more computer parts?”

            “I need money for food.” Levi replied blunt. Nick noted the attitude. He steered her towards the bedroom. No small talk. Levi resigned herself to this, she decided that was fine. The faster it got done, the faster this would all be over.

            “Of course.” Nick replied. “You haven’t come into the office for your stipend.” He grasped Levi’s chin, and yanked her head up, so she had to look him in the eyes. “How have you been since our last meeting?” Another smile, spotless white teeth. Levi shrugged, glancing her eyes towards the left, only to see the bed. The bedding was satin, and there was baby oil sitting on the nightstand. Her stomach lurched.

            “Did you enjoy our last meeting?” He asked. “I didn’t want you to wake up so suddenly. You must’ve been frightened.” He dragged his fingers through Levi’s short hair. “I enjoyed it quite a bit.”

            Levi stepped back. She shook her head. “No.” she answered.

            Nick’s hand squeezed her lower jaw until she felt a sharp pain. “Levi, don’t act stupider than you already are.” Levi twitched at his words, but she didn’t say anything.

            “I need money to buy food.” Levi repeated.

            “Yes, I know.” Nick snapped, and released her jaw. Levi touched it quietly, and dropped her hand. “And I told you, be nice and obedient and I will make sure you can get what you want. All right?”

            “I just want money, what do you want me to do?”

            “You know what I want.” Nick touched her face softly.

            Levi stepped back. Nick tried to steer her towards the bed.

            “Wait.” Levi huffed. She felt her fingers trembling. Slowly, she unzipped her jacket, and made sure to carefully place the jacket on the armchair beside the nightstand, the front and pockets facing towards her and the bed. Nick watched, mostly looking at her frame, staring at her small breast underneath her shirt. She turned towards the bed. She stopped, so Nick came closer.

            “Stop.” She hissed. Nick stared at her with a glare in his dark eyes. Levi glanced up at him, and folded her arms, tucking her hands away so it was hard to tell they were shaking. She knit her brow. “Are you going to rape me every time I ask for money? Give me back my panties at least you fucking pervert.”

            Nick had a spur of rage in his eyes, and his palm connected to Levi’s jaw, and Levi stumbled. Levi opened her eyes in shock, and Nick was already kicking her down, pushing her onto the bed. He pushed her up against the headboard. Levi shut their eyes, and just hoped he’d be done soon. She could barely register what was about to happen, but she heard the clink of metal, and opened her eyes to see he had locked her wrist to his bed. She jerked violently, and twisted, bringing her other wrist inward.

            “Give me your hand.” He barked.

            Levi trembled. She didn’t say anything, or do anything, so he slapped her again and again, until she tried to cover her face. “Give me your wrist or I’ll break it.” He snarled. Levi relinquished her hand, and it was cuffed to the other side of the headboard. She froze in fear, eyes wide. Nick was panting, smiling, and Levi thrashed her legs. Nick pulled away from her kicking, and pulled out a cloth handkerchief. He covered her mouth with it. It smelt like nail-polish remover. Levi could only breath in the chemical, and her head was getting light, and her body was feeling fuzzy and it became harder to thrash.

            “I told you I would be nice. Well I’m not playing nice anymore.” Nick hissed into her ear. Once he assumed she was unconscious, or at least dazed, he dropped the handkerchief, and grabbed some rope. “You’re so much nicer when you just relax and take it.”

            Levi was facing upright, so she could see what he was doing. Nick took a knife, and Levi tried to struggle, but the display was only pathetic, and amusing to Nick. She was too dazed on huffing whatever he had covered her mouth with, and her movement was delayed from what she wanted to actually do. Her leg barely kicked out. Nick grabbed the boot, and ripped them both off her feet. Levi turned her head. The jacket was laying on the armchair. He ripped off her pants, one of her socks rolled off as well. Levi felt panic rush into her body, and finally she screamed.

            Nick laughed at her, more of a scoff, and pushed her legs down, his hands on her bare thighs. “Scream all you want. Nobody is going to hear it but me.” Nick hissed. He knocked the wall behind Levi’s head. Insulated. Levi twitched. Had he done this before? To other woman? To other people? She couldn’t think about herself for the moment, so her mind wandered to others. Levi assumed Nick would tie her spread eagle again, so she shut her eyes. He was pulling her panties off, exposing her.

            Instead, her back ached, and he pushed her legs up over her head, tying them to the headboard as well. Her lower back was raised off the bed, and her buttocks and the back of her legs were completely exposed. Nick started touching her tattoos. He touched the one on the back of her knee. Everything was displayed, and Levi stared, pulling violently before screaming again. This time, Nick shoved her panties into her mouth, twisting it around her head.

            “You sound better muffled.” He teased. “You’re so much better when you’re docile. But I’m not playing nice with you. I will teach you how to be submissive.”

            The pain was already hitting of just being uncomfortable. Levi felt disgusted in the position she was in, her crotch was exposed, and she couldn’t pull her legs together without hearing Nick’s disgusting laugh. She just shut her eyes again. It’ll be over soon. She reminded herself. It’ll be over soon. Her body was trembling.

            The next sensation was a pure blistering pain just at the thin skin between her buttocks and her thighs. The pain was searing, and she screamed again into her own gag. She stared forward. Nick had a cane in his hand, a thin long piece of wood. Before she could think, Nick stroked her again, and she screamed. He continued, relentlessly beating her behind, all the way up her thighs, hitting the painful spots that she already felt searing in her forehead.

            “If you speak like that to me, you have to be punished.” Nick grunted. Levi could see his boxers rigid, and she shut her eyes tight, trying to remind herself not to look as the pain intensified, and went on and on.

            There were thin dark red strokes on her behind, all the way up to the back of her knee by the time he was done. Levi’s face was flushed red, and tear streaks were around her eyes from the pure pain of it, but other than that, she did not cry. Nick dropped the cane, and decided he wanted to use something else. “I’ll punish you until you understand. Just be friendly to me, and I’ll be your friend.”

            Levi saw him grab something glassy out of his nightstand.

            “Last time I was nice, I made sure it was loose. But I don’t feel the same today.”

            Levi felt Nick touch her already throbbing backside, his hand on one cheek. He spread Levi. Levi tried to scream, and thrashed. The next moment she felt a splitting, excruciating pain as Nick forced something inside her. Levi screamed so loud her lungs were pained, and her vision went black.

* * *

 

Levi was bleeding for over a week. She hid the fact, and she even had to go out and buy more pads. Hanji noticed her limp, and Levi admitted she twisted her ankle. It was so hard to lie, and so hard to tell Hanji to leave her alone. She lied back and forth that she had errands, and stupid shitty problems to manage. Hanji didn’t want to get on Levi’s bad side, but she was clearly concerned about Levi. Levi tried to exercise her body, but there were injuries she was still recovering from. The handcuffs biting into her wrists, the blistering red welts from the cane on her thighs. She couldn’t sit properly, and at night she would just lay on the kitchen linoleum, her music blaring in her headset of her CD player. She had been blasting music too much, so the neighbor complained and called the cops. She was terrified they’d report the incident to Nick. Thankfully the officer let her off with a warning, assuming she was drunk. Levi was just trying to handle the painkillers, and still stumbling from the pain.

            Levi had no intention of being beaten so horribly. She had to nurse the wounds for a long time, and took quite a few sitz baths just to help it. She had no idea the kind of person Nick was. Levi knew she’d have to recover soon, and she would have to retaliate hard. After the first night, Levi started looking up articles on sexual sadists and sexual abuse. She found articles from United States FBI reports and women’s groups in the U.S. The article talked about how a sadist will often have an eye for a vulnerable target, and capitalize on making them their victim. One way they zeroed in on a victim was to make sure they were in a position of dependence. A victim who did not think they had a choice.

            Levi was Nick’s target. She understood that now. He not only took away her freedom bit by bit, but was trying to take over her life. Trying to make Levi think she could do nothing else.

            When Nanaba came around to give over Annie’s laptop, now cracked open and the password identified, (it ended up being ‘crystalize’) Levi first plugged in the snake camera, and watched over the recording of everything that had happened to her.

            The night had played in her mind over and over, but she could not remember everything. Nick had driven her home, knowing full well he didn’t want her to be stumbling around at night in the state she was in. He told her they would have another appointment, and Levi stumbled into her house and vomited into the toilet.

            She showered, washed the vomit from her mouth, and wiped the blood off her genitals. Levi chugged a bunch of painkillers and took a heavy sleeping pill and collapsed on the kitchen floor with her knife clutched to her chest.

            She tried to be proud of herself. Levi tried so hard to find a reason to care, a reason to live for the moment. She was glad that she did not cry. Aside from the tears of pain that she shed, she did not burst into tears in front of Nick. Since she returned home, her feelings mostly dulled, she couldn’t feel happiness, or sadness, or even fear or calm. She just felt pain. Just exhaustion, and pain.

            Levi watched the video of Nick raping her. She smoked the whole way through, her fingers shaking as the cigarette ash got all over her clothes. She listened to her own screams, his laughter, the harsh crack of the cane that caused her to flinch in her seat. He had brought the taser again, and zapped her on low settings, on her shoulder, on her thigh, near her genitals, on her nipple, until she either screamed in agony or passed out in her distressed state. He shoved sex toys inside her, and shoved himself inside. The tape lasted two whole hours, and ended with Nick drinking a glass of wine, naked, leaning over Levi as she was passed out and limp, her body untied.

            She saved the video, and burned it to a disk before finding an empty CD case and putting it inside. She wrote in sharpie ‘Nicholas’ on top of it, and stashed it in her banker box which was filled with her journals. Records of her life. She shoved the box inside her closet, where other boxes filled with other memories were. She would need it later, but for now, she needed a plan.

            Annie’s laptop wasn’t anything special, but it was going to have to do. Levi plugged some speed processors on it and some other devices to help with hacking, and she started her search for the ex-Pastor Nicholas. She had to talk to a good friend of her and Hanji’s. This was all going to have to happen over time, and out of the sight of her own friends. Levi wasn’t concerned about getting those things done. It would happen in time. She knew she could free herself. She just had to be careful. Watching the video made her feel nauseous, so she couldn’t do anything other than take car sickness medication.

            Hanji and Nanaba would call at least once a day, and Levi felt it starting to wear. She wanted to cry to them and tell them what happened and have someone hold her and tell her all was well. But the battle wasn’t over, and she needed to store her problems for now, and focus on the solution. She tried to think of a way to get them off her back. Their kindness and concern was appreciated, and Levi wanted desperately to cling to it, but she couldn’t drag them in.

            What she assumed was either Nanaba or Hanji messaging for the fifth time that day, surprised her for once. Levi took Annie’s laptop, and found a new email had come from a new source.

            <humanitymag.esmith>

Hello Levi,

This is Erwin. You probably already knew that. I asked your friend for this email, they said you seemed to be acting differently. I hope you’re not stressed out by my asking you for help. If you need to focus on your life, then by all means do so. You can send me anything you got, or anything you’d like to return. I know we don’t know each other well, or at least, I don’t know you well, but if you need anyone to talk to, or any help, I’m here.

Thank you for all you’ve done.

Erwin Smith  
Head Journalist and Editor, **Humanity Magazine**

            Inside contained the address of where he was staying at the moment. A little cabin by the lake in Kirkland not too far from where she lived. She packed some clothing into a small suitcase, and packed her knife on her, as well as the money she had gotten from Nick, and some general toiletries.

            <valkyrie-blixt999>

Hey, could I stay with you for a little while? I need to sort some things out. I need a place to stay.

            Erwin responded quickly.

            <humanitymag.esmith>

If you want to, you’re welcome to stay. There’s two beds here, but there’s only one bathroom. I hope you don’t mind.

            Are you dropping the case?

            <valkyrie-blixt999>

No. I’m still with the case. I just don’t have what I need. I need to sort some things out. Personally. On my own. I was hoping staying somewhere new would help.

            <humanitymag.esmith>

Very well. Come by when you want. I’m not there at the moment, but I’ll head over in about an hour. We can compare notes. I’ll send you a message when I get there.

            <valkyrie-blixt999>

All right. Thank you.

            Levi didn’t add anymore to the conversation. She felt a bit relieved. She also felt worried. She knew the person Erwin was, he was considerate, he was cold and calculating and intense, but she didn’t know if he was a criminal like Nick. She couldn’t bring herself to believe that, but she didn’t bring herself to trust it either. She knew who Erwin was, but this seemed to be her best shot at having peace and a place to compile all she had.

            Levi waited for Erwin’s message, and once he sent her a message back, Levi dusted off her old motorcycle, and rode down towards Kirkland, carrying her bag, and a suitcase on her back. She met Erwin by the small cabin, parking her black bike beside his borrowed car. Snow was mild, and the windows were covered in frost. Levi watched Erwin sitting anxiously by the doorway, and he offered a calm slight smile and a wave. He had an oversized beige camel knit sweater, surprising, considering he was a large man already, and grey jeans. Levi returned the wave, carrying her bags towards him, and under her helmet, she found it in herself to give a small smile back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize now the only thing different about this fic and the actual story is just the case Erwin is working on, and some dynamics with the characters, and even then it’s just barely. Still, I appreciate you guys for reading, and your kudos and comments mean a lot to me.


	5. Glass Shards

_January 1995_

_._

_._

_._

_I don't remember her name anymore. I swear I carved it into my body, stitched it somewhere into my skin. I remember her voice, I remember her face... but was that her voice? Were those her eyes or her smile? Were they a girl? I don't remember. I don't remember..._

_What have they done to me?_

* * *

 

Mike laid naked on his bed, breathing quietly as he watched over Erwin, his arm serving as Erwin’s pillow. Erwin blinked a few times, the two of them just lying there in a haze of after-sex. Mike breathed in against Erwin’s hair, all tousled with sweat now and a slight scent of hair gel. The T.V. droned in the background. One of what Erwin assumed was about five-hundred dogs Mike owned was sitting in the bedroom corner. Originally he felt a bit awkward having a dog in the room when they were intimate, but Mike remarked that she was old and probably didn’t care about two gay old men.

            “How has everything been going?” Mike asked after a long moment of silence.

            “It’s been good.” Erwin said soft, his hand touching Mike’s quietly. “I mean; community service has been good. So far anyway. I’m still a little stuck with Annie’s case. You’ve been a big help though.”

            “Has that uh… Valkyrie girl got back to you?”

            “We talked… she hasn’t really said anything in a while, actually. I left her an email this morning. That reminds me—” Erwin sat up, pulling the bedsheets off his naked body. He had a small scar on his side from a time where an interview went wrong, and he was stabbed badly in the kidney. There was another was a small scar over his navel from gallbladder removal, and another one below from an appendectomy. Other than that, and some stretch marks around his stomach, he was reasonably scar free, and his skin was smooth and pale from how little he spent outside. He was slightly greyish now that he returned to a very sunless place, but Maryland wasn’t any better.

            Erwin picked up his phone. His feet touching the floor beside the bed cause the dog to come forward with interest. She sniffed at Erwin’s feet, curious, and Erwin gave her a quiet pat on the head. “Ah… down Maddie.” Erwin remarked when the dog put her paws on the bed. Most of them were obedient since Mike had trained them as such, though a lot of them were retired police dogs, so most of them came trained.

            “Anything?” Mike asked, Erwin was grateful for all Mike’s help, but he could tell Mike was not entirely interested. He had seen so much in the military, so much with being Chief of Police, he had seen the blood, the guts, the horror, the pain of losing someone. It was numbing to him, and his body had scars to tell the tales he never spoke of.

            “Yeah. Looks like she sent something a little while ago.” Erwin knit his brow, turning on the bed to look at Mike. “She’s asking to stay over.”

            “Why?” Mike asked.

            “I don’t know.” Erwin remarked.

            “What are you going to say?”

            “Nile said he didn’t mind guests.” Erwin was already texting his email out to Levi through his phone. “If she wants to, she can.” He remarked.

            “You sure that’s a good idea? Nile wanted you specifically. That’s what he said.”

            “Regardless of what Nile wants, two heads would be better than one.” Erwin returned. “I’ll just let her know the cabin has a spare room… she’s been busy I hear. She might not even want to help.” Erwin paused, but he quickly added something to his email and sent it.

            “And if she doesn’t help?”

            “She’s still welcome to stay.” Erwin remarked. “I wouldn’t mind company. Or someone to talk about theories with.”

            “I’m here for you.” Mike leaned in, and pressed his head against Erwin’s shoulder. Erwin smiled softly, and leaned over, pressing his lips to Mike’s temple.

            “I know. But you’re busy with work yourself.” Erwin said. “I enjoy coming here… I need a space to relax. Nile’s cabin feels more like a place to think and work.”

            Erwin’s phone pinged, and he checked the screen. He sat up slightly. “She says she’s still interested. Just needs to sort some things out in her life.”

            “Well, that’s good right?”

            “I guess she wants me to meet up right now.” Erwin shifted around, and groaned slightly. “I need to shower first.”

            “Right.” Mike slid out of bed, opening the door to his bathroom, connected to his bedroom, and started to pick up Erwin’s pants and underwear.

            Erwin grabbed his jacket, and scoffed, walking over to Mike. “I don’t think it would be professional to meet her with this.” He held up the jacket, showing there was some stains of semen on the collar and wrists. Mike glanced at Erwin, noting he was getting a look.

            “It’s not my fault you go down on me without taking your clothes off first.” Mike shot back. “Give it to me. I’ll wash it. You can take one of my sweaters.”

            “Won’t they be big for me?” Erwin remarked.

            “Yeah, but I’m not letting you go out without a jacket, it’s been freezing outside.” Mike plucked a camel knit sweater from his closet. “Besides, I like seeing you in my clothes. You look cute.”

            Erwin made a face. Considering his age, the both of them didn’t really think cute fit their vocabulary, so he knew Mike was most likely teasing him. Erwin set the phone down on the nightstand, walking over to the bathroom with Mike. “How kind of you.” He said it with a slight hint of sarcasm. “I didn’t know you could be so romantic.”

            “That’s all right.” Mike rolled his eyes before turning on the shower. “Neither did I.”

* * *

 

To Erwin, there was something so mesmerizing about Levi. It doesn’t help the way she rides in, on a sleek jet black Honda Blackbird bike—everything about her seemed to be jet black. When she takes off her helmet, Erwin realizes it’s the first time he’s seen her fully dressed. She has two piercings above and below both of her eyebrows, silver studs, a small silver ring under her nose, and one on the left nostril. There’s about five or seven piercings on each ear, Erwin doesn’t get close enough to count. She has snakebite piercings under her lips, and one on her tongue as well, he noticed when she talks. Her eyes are shockingly intense. Dark charcoal black irises, and they burn with something Erwin can’t quite describe, but he feels rage inside them. They’re outlined in black eyeliner and dark grey eyeshadow. He felt frozen in place by her simple gaze. Erwin ended up staring until she asked him if he was having a stroke or something.

She was dressed in a black shirt with the words “I KILLED LAURA PALMER” written across it. She also had a black leather jacket, black jeans, and boots. Her hair is trimmed short, and seemed to be buzz cut from the end of her hair, up to her ears. Erwin can’t help thinking she’s mesmerizing from appearance alone. It was not in a way he was familiar with, the way a model or an actress is beautiful. No, it’s the way dangerous things are beautiful, the way a snake is graceful in hiding their own viciousness. The way a rose seems beautiful, but up close they are covered with thorns. He doesn’t say these things; he feels like sitting out in this cabin has turned him into some melodramatic romance poet. Erwin realizes he has been alone for a long time. A roommate was somewhat of a relief to him. He enjoyed the peace and communing with nature, but he missed the company of others. He had been in Seattle for over a month now, and all his co-workers at Humanity Magazine hadn’t really sent much outside of their regards and emails.

The cabin Erwin resided in at this point, was decorated in a gruesome display of different photographs and information all attempted to be strung together. It was cold, no insulation or thermostat, so Erwin had the task of having to chop firewood up in small logs so the small iron fireplace could fit it. The beds were mostly decorated with Native American blankets and items from other cultures, Suquamish woodworking, Makah style canoe paddles, Yakama clothing hung on the walls, an Ojibway dreamcatcher hung over the beds. Levi pointed out all the different cultures, which Erwin didn’t really realize. She thought it felt tacky, and a little insulting, but she figured she was the one who asked to stay, so better to not complain. Neither of them owned it anyway.

Erwin was relaxed about Levi coming over, he did his best not to intrude. Levi talked to Hanji on the phone, and explained she was staying with a friend for a little while. She felt a bit better since it wasn’t a lie, but Hanji still persisted in seeing Levi. Levi promised they could meet up in a few days. For now, she would just stay in the cabin and work on the case of the mutilated teen.

            Erwin was unobtrusive. He made sure to give Levi space. He pointed out that he didn’t really clean up the place, but he had clearly made up the second bedroom for Levi’s behalf. He cleaned the dust off of most surfaces, and made sure the closet was organized in case Levi wanted to hang anything up. What she appreciated more than anything was he didn’t ask her what she was dealing with. He didn’t ask about the limp, though she could tell he noticed. Erwin didn’t involve himself in her affairs, and he stayed distant. There was only one moment on the first night where he was a bit weirded out, but that was it.

            Levi tried her best to sleep in the second bedroom. It was cold, and blankets were warm, but she much preferred her own blankets that smelt like Hanji. She just couldn’t do it. And she hated herself for it. How could she feel this way about beds? It wasn’t like people were going to accommodate her for being set off by beds. The first night she woke in a cold sweat, her arms and legs stretching out and grasping the edges of the bed, and she hazily recalled struggling violently.

            So she gathered her blanket, and tucked her knife into a sheathe and settled down in the small kitchen on the cold tile floor. It was freezing, sure, but she could sleep, and soon enough an inky darkness fell on her, and she was able to rest.

            “Ah—Levi, are you all right?”

            Levi jumped back when she felt a hand on her arm. Her right hand instinctively threw itself under her left arm, grasping the kitchen knife. Erwin was kneeling, his eyes wide, concerned at the state of Levi before him. He sighed soft, and shifted forward. “I’m sorry.” He apologized. “You felt cold, I got worried… what are you doing on the floor?”

            “I couldn’t sleep in the bed.” Levi mumbled.

            “Ah.” Erwin glanced over his shoulder towards the bedroom. “It was uncomfortable? Or you just weren’t used to it?”

            “I sleep better here.” She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

            “All right. Well, I have to go work.” Erwin explained. “Cleaning graffiti.” He was wearing some old stained t-shirt and some working jeans that had been worn down with age. He threw on a snow jacket that he had hanging by the door. He walked back to his room, and returned with a fairly flattened pillow.

            “Here.” He set the pillow down beside Levi. “I didn’t realize you were uncomfortable. It’s all right to tell me. This should probably be better for laying on the ground with.” The pillow wasn’t over stuffed, but still supported Levi’s head, and it wasn’t as cold as the floor. Erwin stepped back, and Levi grasped the pillow and put it under her head. She was laying in front of the sink, pressed to the cabinet doors.

            “Uh… thanks.” Levi replied.

            “Don’t mention it.” Erwin returned. “I’ll be going now…” At first he started to head towards the door, but he snapped his fingers, turning on his heel back towards Levi. “Oh, there’s some T.V. dinners in the freezer and some vegetables and sandwich supplies in the fridge in case you’d like some real food. There’s bottled water and sodas. Coffee’s on the counter. I don’t have any tea; I can pick some up if you’d like.”

            “You don’t have to.” Levi murmured.

            “All right. There’s no T.V. in here, and the wi-fi cuts out whenever it feels like, so I just use the Ethernet cable. It’s over there. You can unplug my laptop whenever you want to use it.” Erwin put on a baseball cap, though it really didn’t fit his image, considering he seemed to spend some time on his hair. He bid Levi a goodbye, and stepped out. Levi listened for the car to start, and the sound of the snow crunching as it pulled away, and drove down the snow covered dirt roads. When Levi knew for a fact that Erwin was gone, she rose from her makeshift bed, and got to work.

            Levi had looked up enough about sadists, but she needed more information on Nick. She wanted as detailed a map as she could of Nick’s life; his childhood, his career, his involvement in the church, his finances. She checked the old places he used to work, learned he was a pastor at an old Christian church in Mississippi, and pinged around some other places. He was also a Pastor at a church inside of a sanitarium for a few years, or at least, that’s what the records she found said. There was no information on where that was. She couldn’t find any police records on him.

            The results were mostly discouraging. Most people were Christians who praised him, saying how he helped them find god, or how Nick got them to seek the truth, and quit drugs and the like. Nick had a spot missing from 1990 to 1995 of which he spent time in some distant sanitarium church for mentally ill, but Levi could find no info about it.

            He was spotless. No police record. Both parents deceased. Nick went to school to be a lawyer, but eventually ‘sought after god’ as it was put. The only trouble he had was he had once gotten into a bit of a controversy over defending some old doctor for malpractice, but he was able to prove his innocence, despite what others felt. However, that trial had to have been at least twenty years ago. There was very little about it.

            Levi focused in on his wife for a while. They met at college, and she stayed married to him for twenty-three years until her death in a car accident. Nothing else to be found about her.

            He worked with troubled youth for a while, and specialized with dealing with psychopathic and mentally retarded individuals. The description said he helped assist youth into being more ‘high functioning’ but the whole spiel could make Levi gag. None of them seemed to report anything strange about Nick, one even still talked to him about general advice, and sometimes ‘spiritual’ advice.

            She did finally hit something. Only a small notion, but Nick’s finances didn’t seem to match up with how much he was making. His wife’s life insurance seemed to disappear from his account after she passed away, and there was no record of him opening a new account to store it. Levi capitalized on that, trying to find an edge on Nick, and she discovered something light. After she called a few people, claiming to be either a bank teller at one point, or a concerned agnostic looking for god, she found what she was looking for, and stored the information on Annie’s laptop.

            She shut the laptop, and stashed it hastily into her bag. With that out of the way, she at least had a better grasp on the person she was dealing with. Levi decided she knew what to do, but it would require a bit of moving around on her end. She also needed some personal work done for herself, just for her own security. She packed away the money from Nick, all cashed out into about $700 dollars for her at the moment. Levi packed up her supplies, doused the fireplace, and wrote a note, in case she was gone too long, letting Erwin know she had errands to run.

            Levi climbed onto her bike, revved the engine to get it going, and drove back into Seattle. She’d have to meet up with an old friend, and she didn’t exactly like the circumstances. Still, she didn’t like any of her circumstances at the moment, so she tolerated it. Levi chained her bike outside of one of the strip clubs she knew, and walked in, carrying her helmet. It was dark, neon drink lights and neon lights depicting women in heels, dancing around a pole. There were mostly men, sitting around, drinking, watching girls on the pole. She searched in the dimly lit club. It was early in the morning still, so she expected it to be emptier, but she was proven wrong. Levi walked towards the bar, and glanced over the bartender, over to a tall woman sitting on the end.

            “Eld.” Levi hissed.

            The woman turned. She was dressed all in purple, even her blond hair had streaks of lilac purple. She was smoking, thin grey shrouding her face, and for a moment she seemed dazed, and then opened her eyes wide in a slight shock.

            “Levi!” Eld waved her purple manicured hand at Levi. She stood up, and Levi watched all the sequins on her lavender cocktail dress shimmer. Eld had a bit of a beard, her makeup had smoky eyes, also purple, and wing tips on her brown eyes. She smiled over at Levi, exhaling some smoke before stamping it out on the ashtray. “Long time no see. You still look… like yourself.” Eld’s voice was deep, baritone and a bit more casual around Levi.

            “And you still look like your mom fucked an orchid.”

            “Good to see you haven’t changed.”

            Levi sighed, and folded her arms. “Eld, I need a favor. Something you can’t tell Hanji about.”

            Eld’s more playful look in her eyes fell to a serious one. Eld knew Hanji was Levi’s closest confidant, and the only one close enough to be considered a friend by Levi. It didn’t take much for her to figure out that something wasn’t right. “What’s going on?”

            “You can’t tell Hanji.” Levi hissed.

            “I won’t.” Eld swore, and leaned back. “Is something wrong?”

            “Not yet.” Levi huffed. “You know the guy Gunther met a while back? The one you two used to deal under the table? I need to meet with him.”

            Eld seemed surprised. “I thought you didn’t like hard stuff.”

            “I don’t. I just need something strong. Preferably not cut.” Levi huffed. “Fresh out of the prostitute’s ass type of strong. Capiche?”

            “Which one?”

            Levi glanced to the side. “Lunch money.”

            Eld looked shocked. “What? Why would you need that?”

            “To prove a point.” Levi hissed, and stepped in closer. “Eld. You know the type of person I am; I would never use it to take advantage of someone. I’m not a rapist. I need it for a reason. But I can’t explain. And you can’t tell Hanji about this.”

            Eld hesitated. She didn’t seem very happy about the situation, but she didn’t disagree. After opening and closing her mouth a few times, looking like a fish, she shut her eyes and sighed. “Just promise me you aren’t going to hurt someone.”

            “I would never hurt a person who didn’t deserve it.” Levi huffed. “But I will damn well hurt someone who needs a lesson. You of all people should know that.”

            Eld glanced down at herself, a thin outline of a knife scar carved down her left arm, and she shut her eyes and sighed. “All right.” She mumbled. “All right. Because I owe you.” Eld touched her scarred arm.  She turned, and urged the bartender for a napkin and pen. He produced one, so she started to write out an address on it. “They moved down to Renton. We usually dealt smack though, or coke. Nothing like that. So I don’t know if he has it.”

            “If he doesn’t, I’ll find out.”

            “Levi, what are you about to do?” Eld held out the napkin to her. Levi grasped it, and tucked it into her jacket.

            “I’m going to teach someone a lesson.”

            “And what lesson would that be?” Eld inquired.

            “Lesson number one—” Levi pointed at Eld’s scar, as some sort of silent reminder. “Nobody fucks with me.”

* * *

 

“Actually, I had a guy come down a few weeks ago for that stuff.”

            Levi held the small eyedropper in her hand, looking over the colorless liquid inside. She tensed up, glancing over to the dealer. They were very casual, letting her sit inside their place, though she imagined this place might not be their house at all, just a well-guarded drug den. Right in the heart of a little Renton suburb. Part of her felt a sick feeling come over her spine.

            The dealer usually kept his face covered, but he had some marks of where his eyebrow was shaven, and a kerchief wrapped around the lower half of his face, masking his nose and mouth. He wasn’t very tall or strong, and only a few inches taller than Levi. Still, Levi could see a pistol tucked inside the waistband of his pants, poorly covered by a loose t-shirt.

            “Really? And who was that?”

            “I don’t ask names.” The dealer had a slender frame, and they sat down beside Levi on a couch, sipping some drink. Levi didn’t ask what it was, and he didn’t offer anything. “He hawked over some cash and that was it.”

            “Was he tall? Dark hair? Old? Looked a little skinny and gaunt?”

            The dealer raised his brow. They pulled the kerchief down off their face finally and revealed themself. Levi had seen them before, but they were never on very good terms. He looked younger than he was. “How’d you know?”

            “Petra, answer the question.”

            Petra scowled in return. He had a small scar by his mouth that made him look a little vicious considering the expression. “Yeah, he looked it. Old man, saggy face, clean shaven.” He huffed. “Don’t say my name like that, Valkyrie.”

            “Why? You worried your house is getting wired?” Levi huffed.

            “Doubt it.” Petra continued sipping whatever he was sipping. “I’m a middle man.” He set his cup down, and folded his arms, pressing up against his chest binder. “They throw a lot of parties here so it’s not so suspicious as to why I get so many visitors.”

            “You realize selling this shit is a bad idea, right?” Levi held up the eye dropper.

            “Selling all of this is a bad idea. I’d be pretty sad if I didn’t know that.” Petra huffed. “I could be selling cigarettes and booze and killing just as many people, so I don’t see the difference other than three times the salary.”

            Levi rolled her eyes, she didn’t want to get into this discussion with Petra of all people. Petra was far too defensive about the profession, and she’d rather not have the whole legal and illegal conversations with him.

            “How’s your top surgery?” Levi asked, glancing over him. Petra looked sideways towards the big flat screen in the living room. He casually placed his hand on his chest.

            “Didn’t do it yet.” Petra mumbled. “I pushed the date back.” He glanced to Levi. “I heard Hattori did her bottom one.”

            “Yeah. She did, a few months ago. It went just fine.”

            “Good.” Petra huffed. “Look, are you going to buy it or not?”

            Levi handed over the cash, and pocketed the eyedropper. She stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder to leave. She turned to stop by Petra. “Hey, can I ask, just two more things?”

            Petra gave a curt nod. He knit his brow in concern.

            “One, does your ex still work at the Planned Parenthood?”

            Petra raised his brow. “I don’t know. Why?”

            “Doesn’t matter.” Levi replied. “Two, how much of this can you inject before killing someone?” She held up the eyedropper in front of Petra.

            “Inject?” Petra huffed. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

            “How much?” Levi repeated.

            “I would say just go for one and a half grams. Go up to three and you might kill someone.”

            “And the effects are immediate right?”

            “You’ll be out before you can even take the needle out.” Petra replied. “Now that was three questions, so get out.”

            Levi nodded, and the two parted without so much as a goodbye. Levi knew Petra was a bit more troublesome and a lot scarier than most of her other friends, but at least she knew his uses. Levi kept the eyedropper secured inside a plastic baggie, and kept it in her bag. She glanced around the suburb, watching some children playing in one of the yards. She wondered for a moment how many of the people in the subdivision were druggies, and decided if that information was available, she probably didn’t want to know.

            It seemed Oluo moved on to some other clinic, but all they really did was answer the phone and schedule appointments, so they wouldn’t have been much help. Thankfully the Planned Parenthood took Levi in that day, and she was able to get an STD check without any questions asked. She cheek swabbed, peed in a cup, and drew blood. The sterile feeling of the place made her feel sick and uncomfortable. She hated hospitals with a passion, but she didn’t mention anything.

            “What are you checking for?” the woman asked.

            “Everything.” Levi replied.

            The doctor seemed slightly concerned, and nodded. “There are quite a few STD’s and STI’s you know… unfortunately, without insurance, it can be pretty costly.”

            “Dying of AIDS can get pretty costly too.” Levi retorted.

            “Right, right...” The woman replied. “Well, do you feel your last partner might have had AIDS?”

            “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

            “When were you last sexually active?”

            Levi scowled at the thought of calling it sexually active. But there was no other word for it. She thought back, and reached into her bag, pulling out her journal. Her mind was already skewed with the fact that every day afterwards seemed to meld together.

            “Thirteen days ago.”

            “Okay.” The doctor wrote something. “So about two weeks.” She murmured. “Do you want to do a pregnancy test too? We can do that quickly.”

            “I don’t have a uterus.”

            The woman raised her brow, the next second it clicked in her head and she nodded. “Oh, I see.” She nodded, and shifted in her seat. “All right, well, we can do the tests now. How many times have you had unprotected sex?”

            Levi clenched her jaw. “Twice.”

            “Okay, was it with different partners?”

            Levi shook her head.

            “The same person.” She nodded. “All right, well, we’ll start with the cheek swab, and then the other two can follow.”

            “I’m not very good with needles.” Levi mumbled. “Not when they’re injecting me. Tattoo needles are fine, but I’m not sure how I’ll react to the blood drawing.”

            “I’ll make sure our nurse is gentle. Would you like to put up a divider so you can’t see?”

            “No. I want to see.” Levi didn’t like the idea of her own limb being hidden from her.

            “Very well.”

            The rest of the discussions went by rather plainly, and Levi washed her mouth before the cheek swab, peed into some sterile cup, and waited around, trying not to cringe and flinch as blood was drawn. They removed a couple vials since they were going to do so many tests. Levi thought a bit about how Hanji was always there for her when she got injections, even most of her tattoos Hanji was with her, and she realize how coddled she was over doctors. It was somewhat pathetic, but Levi was tired of thinking herself as a pathetic thing. She was just tired. She wanted to get this all over with.

            Once she was done, she realized she would still have to deal with syringes just one more time. She asked the doctor if she could write a note for a pharmacy to pick up diabetic syringes. The doctor asked if she was diabetic. Levi replied that her mother was, but she was a little ill in the head. Maybe it was a stroke of luck, but the woman believed her, so she wrote out an order of disposable syringes for Levi.

            They agreed to send Levi the results back to her house, and Levi paid for the tests at the register. There was a basket full of condoms with the little sign declaring “Practice safe sex; take one for free! J”

            Levi grabbed a handful of them, and shoved them in her bag. She wasn’t so sure when she’d be having sex with Hanji or someone else, but she’d like to do something to feel good sometime soon, and it was extremely tempting to just ask Petra for some uppers. Levi went out and grabbed her prescription of diabetic needles, and kept them in her bag before finally returning to the cabin. Erwin still wasn’t back yet, so she warmed up some Hormel Compleats Beef Pot Roast and ate in her lonesome. The cabin was freezing since she doused the fire. She filled her stomach with warm food, and reached for the landline phone, finally bringing herself to call Nick.

            She scheduled another meeting for some money tomorrow. Levi took a quick stop at her house to retrieve the disk in her closet, and locked up her house. Nick asked that she return to his apartment, and Levi showed at their agreed upon time. Again Nick wore a silk bathrobe and his underwear. Levi walked inside his house. He put his arm around her. Levi felt him squeeze her arm tight. He shut the door behind them.

            “And how have you been, Levi?”

            Levi didn’t respond. So Nick jiggled her arm with his hand a bit, patting her shoulder.

            “I didn’t mean to be so rough last time.” He chided. “You seem… withdrawn.”

            Levi glanced up at Nick, and smiled awkwardly, a very unsettling look on her face. Nick raised a brow, glancing down at her. _She isn’t in sound mind._ Nick reminded himself of that fact. _Perhaps, I ought to be easy on her tonight._

            There was already handcuffs on the nightstand, as well as baby oil. Nick walked over towards the bed, and watched Levi for a moment, noticing her strange movements. She dropped her bag on the armchair, and turned around to face him. She put one hand on his shoulder, and brushed away his bathrobe, revealing his chest. Nick raised his brow, he felt confused for a moment. Levi seemed to be trying to take charge. He liked the enthusiasm, but he wasn’t exactly a fan of her trying to be on top.

            Levi put her hand inside her jacket pocket, and there was a soft sound of a plastic cap. Nick felt her suddenly hit is chest. He blinked, and stared down at himself. She had a weak punch, at least he thought, but when she pulled away, a small syringe was piercing the right side of his chest, and before he could even think of saying a word, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he was out like a light.

* * *

 

Erwin had splatters of paint on his arms and fingers by the time he returned to the cabin. It was freezing, and he shoved some firewood into the iron fireplace. For a moment he considered lighting it, but he realized Levi wasn’t home. He checked the rooms, and found a note on the dining room table, sitting on his laptop.

            “Out running errands. Might not be back until very late at night. Sorry. This is important. I need to clear my mind.”

            Vague. Erwin set the note back down on the table, and turned the water on. The pipes gurgled, and went silent. He groaned slightly. It seemed like they’d frozen up. He couldn’t do much about the pipes, so he made a note to call Nile about it tomorrow. It was already dark, the sun set at five, and he arrived at around six. Erwin plugged in his laptop, and typed an email to Levi.

            <humanitymag.esmith>

Levi,

The pipes in the cabin seem to be frozen. I’ll try grab a heat lamp tomorrow. Probably best to take a shower at your place and come by. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope your errand running has gone well.

            Erwin sent the email and shut his laptop before unplugging it. Working for Nile was proving to be more trouble than it was worth. He was still curious as to why Levi even wanted to stay with him in this little cabin, they had barely gotten to know each other, and now it seemed they were missing each other with their own errands. Still, the presence of another roommate did make him feel a small bit better. Someone to at least communicate with during the day. He just didn’t want Levi to be uncomfortable.

            After that, Erwin settled by the phone and called Mike.

            “Hey Mike… yeah, it’s me again.” Erwin leaned on the countertops. “The pipes over here are frozen. You mind if I shower at your place?”

            “Sure.” Mike agreed easily. “Do you want to spend the night again?”

            Erwin smiled slightly at the idea. “You sure you have the stamina for it?”

            “If my hip gives out in the middle of it, I’ll let you know.” Mike huffed.

            Erwin scoffed, that seemed to be how his laughs sounded. “All right. That’s fair. Let me write a note for Levi. I’ll be over in a bit.” Erwin did as he said, writing a small note for Levi, and setting it on the table where she had left her note before.

            “Staying with a friend, possibly spending the night. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Sorry today was a busy day. Let’s compare notes tomorrow afternoon.”

            Erwin glanced around, noticing some diabetic needles sitting on Levi’s bed. He raised his brow, and shrugged, deciding it wasn’t a big surprise if she was diabetic, and then headed out the door before he thought about it too much.

* * *

 

Nick felt fire spreading from the right side of his chest, a burning, aching sensation that made him groan in pain. His head was fuzzy and light like cotton. After a few seconds, it registered to him that his mouth was taped shut, and something was inside of his mouth. It felt like a rag. He realized he was naked, his body was bare, and he was lying flat on his back, spread eagle, his wrists cuffed to the headboard. There was a blistering pain in his chest, from whatever he had been injected with. He couldn’t tell how long he’d been out of it.

            “How’s it feel, to be the one getting drugged?”

            Levi was sitting in the armchair beside the nightstand. She had been smoking, and cigarette ash was decorating the armrest. She had her boots up on the night stand. When he turned to look at her, his eyes turned vicious and enraged. She had emptied his vanity, and dumped all the contents of the drawers on the floor. She stood up, feet crushing some broken bottle of cologne into the carpet. She walked around the bed, and lifted the cane in her hands.

            “This was the one you used on me, right?” Levi asked. “Don’t speak, I don’t want to hear your voice. Just shake your head or nod at what I say.” She gingerly placed the cane across his thighs. The pain of fire running in his chest suddenly turned to ice. Nick’s veins went cold. He thrashed, and pulled on the cuffs, and his restraints.

            “It didn’t work for me. It’s not going to work for you.” Levi hissed. There was all sorts of other dildos and vibrators on the floor, as well as a leather riding crop and a gimp mask. Levi leaned over, and plucked a glassy anal plug off the floor. “This is what you shoved in me right? Without any lube?” It was about four inches, making a wide teardrop, and thinned out at the last inch, attached to a piece of ribbon. She stepped over to him, and placed the anal plug between his legs. She held no expression in her face.

            “Does this get you off?”

            Nick shrieked into the gag as Levi rammed the plug into its place. Nick started to pull his arms wildly, shaking the bed frame.

            “You have to be punished.” She mimicked his voice. “You’re so much better when you’re docile.”

            Nick had a violent expression in his eyes, glaring at Levi with a smoldering hatred. Levi picked up the cane, and walked around. “You think I’m not going to get away with this, but I am.” She replied. “I have a video to show you. Since rape gets you off so much.” Levi pulled the cigarette from her mouth, and pushed it into Nick’s stomach until he howled. Then she turned away, and walked over to his TV. She pulled out a disk, and placed it into his DVD player.

_“Eager, are we?”_

            Levi watched Nick’s face contort from rage into a muted horror. She stood up, walking over his belongings, and stepped out into his living room. She tried not to shake, and she still flinched when she heard the sound of the cane whipping her, and her own cries of pain. Levi gazed down at herself. The cane was in her hands now. She took a deep breath. Her hands still trembled, but she refused to let Nick see her like this. She had searched around his living room, throwing all the bibles and books on the ground, and she eventually found the rohypnol stashed in a cut out bible. He had a whole glass bottle of it, the rest of the bible was stuffed with cotton so the bottle wouldn’t break. Part of Levi felt a muted anger towards Petra, but he couldn’t have known. A gun store owner couldn’t know the difference between a hunter and a murderer. Not until the customer used the gun.

            Levi had found some red wine that Nick stored in his kitchen. She found a pair of scissors as well, and returned with her two findings. Nick stared at her when she returned to the room, he was trembling a little, Levi imagined he felt inexplicable guilt at the thought of being caught. She didn’t open the wine, just leaving it on the table, as well as the scissors. She opened another pack of cigarettes, and started to smoke. When the smoke burnt down to the filter, she stamped it out on Nick’s belly, and he howled each time, making ten little burnt marks on the left side of his ribcage.

            _You fucking cunt, I’ll get you for this._ Nick’s mind was racing, and his heart pounded at the pain of being burned in the side. He glanced at the video, but he tried to look away. Levi let the whole tape run, and then she quietly shut it off, placed the DVD back in a case, and turned around to face Nick.

            “When I came over here, I expected you’d rape me again.” Levi was calm, cool, eyes narrow, expression muted. She lifted the cane over Nick’s stomach. “I didn’t expect you to beat me and rip my ass until it bled.” With a very swift, sudden move, Levi snapped the cane down over Nick’s thighs, only inches away from his genitals.

            He shrieked again. Levi pushed the end of the cane into his throat. “You’re going to listen very carefully. Okay? You’re going to do everything I say. Or this little video is going to go to every goddamn police station in the United States, and every newspaper house the next morning. Got it, fucker? – Just nod if you do.”

            Nick swallowed, feeling his mouth dry and the gag tight in his teeth. He stared at Levi, watching her walk around him. She came up closer to his face.

            “Starting tomorrow, you are going to call the bank. You are going to tell them that _my_ money is _my_ property, and you are going to give all the bank account access back to me.” Levi put the cane over his nose. “You understand?”

            He nodded furiously. She could see Nick sweating around the edge of his brow.

            “Every month you’ll write a report about how I’m the nicest angel on earth.” Levi hissed. “You’re going to make sure I look like the most competent, well-adjusted mental patient you ever had. Then in a while, let’s say a year, you’ll write in a report saying you’d like to retire, and then you’re going to do just that. Before that happens, you’re going to hire a psychiatrist, who will say everything is fine and dandy in my head and that I don’t need a guardian anymore. I’m a fully functioning adult. You’re going to do that. You know why?” She paused, no response, so Levi snapped the cane over Nick’s legs again and he screamed into the gag.

            “You’re going to do that because you have no choice.” Levi hissed. “Because if you don’t, then this little video is going to be on every police station and every newspaper and every goddamn inch of the world wide web will know that Nick, the widower, the ex-Pastor, the man hiding millions in his off shore Cayman bank accounts; they’ll know that you’re a sadistic rapist who took advantage of a mentally disabled girl.”

            Nick’s eyes opened wide when she mentioned the bank accounts. _How could she know about that?_ He stared at the DVD in her hand. His mind raced with all the things Levi told him. He locked in on that disk. _I need to get that fucking tape._

            Levi then returned to her bag, and she removed some metal frame about the size of her hand, containing two pitch black cartridges. She fastened a long black nib to it. She plugged a cord into it, and connected it into a wall. Levi snapped on two latex gloves. She opened the small case in her bag, and pulled some ink cups, and filled them with black ink. When she clicked it on, Nick heard the buzz, and realized it was a tattooing needle.

            “Well, now that we’ve made our deal, it’s time we sign the agreement. Right?” Levi huffed. “But you’re in no shape to sign. So I’ll just give you something to remember our agreement by. Okay?”

            Nick groaned when the needle touched him. Levi pressed hard into his skin, knowing she shouldn’t have been, but she could care less. She continued to push until thick black ink showed on his skin. She dabbed it with a towel from his bathroom.

            “Don’t struggle.” Levi hissed when he jolted around. “This is my first time, so I’d hate to fuck it up.”

            The whole work took an hour, but when Levi was done, she had written out in large capital letters “I AM A SADISTIC ABUSIVE RAPIST” on his stomach, starting beneath his nipples and ending just above his navel. She looked over him, and shifted lower. She glanced up at him. Levi grasped his scrotum, and pulled until his face contorted in pain.

            “This is the last time someone ever touches your dick.” Levi hissed. "The only other time will be me shoving it down your throat after I castrate you. Got it?"

            This time Nick truly screamed when she pressed the tattoo needle at the base of his penis, and started to write down the shaft. Levi felt disgust having to look at it, but when she was done, he was blistering red all over, and down the shaft of his penis she’d written the word RAPIST a second time. He was crying from the pain, Nick had tears coming down out of his eyes, red down his cheeks. Levi tucked away the needle and the ink cups to be thrown away later, in the same plastic bag she had stashed the diabetic needle inside of. She packed them away into her bag. Then she returned to Nick.

            “If you ever, ever touch me… no, if you ever touch another woman—if you ever touch anyone, if you even look at anyone wrong.” Levi ran her thumb across her throat. Nick swallowed, but his mouth was too dry, and he felt he was choking. “Got it?”

            Nick was nodding furiously.

            “Good.” Levi hissed. “And you better get it. Because I’m going to be watching you. Every single moment. Now you get to know what it’s like to have a guardian. Except if you fuck up, I’ll send you straight to hell where you belong.” She stepped around the bed, and reached to the bottle of wine and the scissors she had gotten. Saying nothing, Levi snipped the small ribbon on the anal plug that was inside Nick, and then she placed the top of the wine bottle up against the plug. Nick’s eyes widened again, though he was now red-faced and tear soaked.

            Levi thrust the bottle inside so hard Nick screamed in a high pitch whine and truly started to cry. Levi didn’t find it went inside far enough, and put her boot against the end, and pushed even harder, ramming the glass bottle up to the widest point, and then she stopped.

            “After you shit out all that glass, you start doing exactly as I said. Understand?”

            Nick nodded furiously, his face was red, and his eyes were shut.

            “Good. I’m glad we had this talk.” Levi slipped her bag over her shoulders, and peeled off her latex gloves, shoving them into her pocket. She picked up the amber bottle of rohypnol, remembering it was the one last thing still around. She walked back to him, and smashed the bottle all over his stomach, burning the tattoos even more. His skin is bright red and burning now, and Nick squirmed. The clear liquid dripped off his skin and into the bedding.

            “If it wouldn’t kill you, that would’ve been shoved up your ass too.” Levi hissed. She pulled out the handcuff key, and uncuffed one of Nick’s hands before placing the key on his chest. He was still sobbing, and reached out against his chest for the key, and Levi noticed his hands were shaking, and his body trembled, and for a moment she felt a concern in her, but it died down, and she realized there was nothing to fear about him.

            “Remember, I’m a crazy depressive retard who can’t take care of themself. Keep that in mind the next time you think I would hesitate to kill you. You’re lucky you get to leave with your life. Instead you get to live and learn lesson number one.” Levi leaned in, and grasped his hair furiously.

            “Nobody fucks with me.”

 


	6. Bodies

_August 1999_

_._

_._

_._

_I think I've killed someone._

_And I think I used to know him._

_It was a wonderful feeling. Remembering, and killing. I'm not sure which felt better._

* * *

 

Erwin entered the cabin the next morning with a heat lamp and some thermostatic heat tape to bind the pipes with. He took off Mike’s jacket as well as his shirt. He had only been in Seattle for a small while, but he was already gaining quite a collection of Mike’s clothing. Before he entered he had shut off the water, and found Levi sleeping on the kitchen floor again. He woke her quietly, remembering how startled she was the last time. Levi did jerk awake, eyes wide open and hostile, and in a second she was relaxed, and lifted her head.

            “What?” she asked, voice slurred with sleep.

            “Nothing. Sorry for not staying last night. You must be freezing.” Erwin stood up straight. “I brought a heat lamp for the frozen pipes, and some heat tape. I’ll get the fire going. This place is falling apart… Nile should be coming by though.” Erwin sighed, and found his old wood pile was still in the fireplace, so he easily lit some kindling and let the fire start to smoke and eventually blaze. He turned to look at Levi, who rubbed her eyes awake. “You sleep well? Got everything you needed to get done yesterday?”

            Levi glanced at Erwin. “Yeah, I did.”

            “That’s good.” Erwin replied, and snapped the iron gate shut on the fireplace. He walked over to the counter, being careful to step over Levi’s feet. He started the coffee machine, and poured some of the bottled water from the fridge inside the top. He spooned in some ground coffee, and snapped the lid shut. “If you don’t mind, I was hoping I could ask about Annie’s laptop.”

            “I only got it cracked open yesterday, so I got fuck all for you.” Levi huffed, and slowly lifted her aching cold body off the ground. She stretched her arms out, yawning, her eyes crinkled as they watered a bit. Levi walked over to the dining room table, and plopped down, putting Annie’s laptop up to get charged. “But starting today I’ll be able to get you some results… I’ll be able to buy a new laptop pretty soon.”

            “Oh, that’s good.” Erwin replied. He glanced towards the kitchen, where Levi seemed to have claimed her bed. “Um, your friend said you’ve been a bit different lately. If you don’t mind my asking, are you all right?”

            Levi glanced up. “I’m all right now. Better, at least.” She turned away. Erwin blinked, and nodded.

            “Did you get all your errands done yesterday?”

            Levi blinked, and nodded her head. “Yeah. Wasn’t much to it.” She reopened Annie’s laptop, and deleted the video she had downloaded, as well as some other things she had kept on Annie’s laptop. She opened up Annie’s skype account, and found it was already logged in. She sighed, leaning against the table. She searched through the chats, but found nothing of interest from Annie’s contacts.

            “What exactly are you looking for?” Levi asked. “It’s about time we got to work.”

            “I haven’t had much progress.” Erwin replied. “I’ll fill you in.” Erwin walked over to his gore-covered wall that showed pictures of Annie’s body, of her arms and legs, though he had hidden them together out of courtesy instead of spreading the photos around the wall. There were some police reports, autopsy reports, as well as newer autopsies. Dental, hospital, even school records. Her resume and employer’s information.

            “A while back I found out that Annie’s body most likely was dumped at Seward Park.”

            Levi immediately froze up. She glanced down at herself. Erwin was too busy staring at his wall of mysteries.

            “I decided to just let the police handle it. They scanned the park. They found Annie’s limbs not very far underneath the snow.” Erwin continued, and pulled some pictures down of a frozen pair of legs, and a frozen pair of arms. “The arms were together, as were the legs, but both sets were at least a hundred meters apart. It’s not clear why.” He set the photos down beside Levi. He set another photo. “They did find this.” He pointed out a huge chunk of frozen red blood in the snow, and a knife blade sticking out. “Cutco. Kitchen knife. It seemed to be the murder weapon… or perhaps the mutilation weapon. Lots of injuries seemed to have been inflicted after Annie died.”

            Levi touched the kitchen knife strapped under her left arm, inside her jacket. She swallowed, and stared at the picture. “Did they find… prints?”

            “Fingerprints?” Erwin replied. “Yeah, and some blood that wasn’t Annie’s, but they can’t identify whose it was.” Erwin left the photos, and Levi leaned over them, staring intently at the knife. She breathed in a harsh breath.

            “All right.” She mumbled. “Anything else?”

            “Unfortunately nothing I can find any use of. That knife and blood were my biggest lead.” Erwin explained. “I talked to the employer, alibi checked out, Annie had no ire for them either. Seemed Annie was just waiting for the job to pan out until she could make cartoons. Annie didn’t have many friends… Nile and Marie had an alibi. Same with Annie’s siblings.” Erwin ran his fingers through his hair. He stepped over towards the wall, and came up to the small dresser beneath it. There, Erwin opened a drawer, and pulled out a small book.

            “This is Annie’s diary.” He explained, walking over to Levi. He set it down, and then turned away again. This time Erwin walked into his designated bedroom, and retrieved a pair of black framed reading glasses. The black frame only came over the top of the glasses, and there was rectangular smooth glass. Levi could see the wrinkles around Erwin’s eyes. He looked a bit tired, and a bit frustrated. His blue eyes were bloodshot and veiny. He was having trouble sleeping, no doubt. Levi’s charcoal eyes also looked the same. “Nothing in here seemed of any interest… except for this.”

            Erwin turned to the back, where the torn out page with Annie’s message was there.

            AA—UT 20050616

            BH—CAN 20041130

            RB—OR 20040131

            Marcel?—? 1999?

            Levi leaned in, and propped the book up towards herself. She stared at it.

            “What do you make of it?” Erwin peered over his glasses at her.

            “Those are all dates.” Levi remarked. “June, 16th, 2005. November 30th, 2004, January 31st 2004, and 1999.”

            “I figured that much.” Erwin explained. “And I figure Marcel is a person. But that random letters haven’t really gotten me anywhere. Annie didn’t know anyone with these initials.”

            “Those aren’t initials.” Levi pointed to. “Not some of them, anyway.” She pointed at OR. “Oregon.” She spoke. “Can is probably Canada.” She pointed to the first. “UT is probably Utah.”

            Erwin lifted his glasses to rub his tired eyes. The place started to smell like coffee as the machine beeped and the dark brown liquid started to pipe into the glass pot, heating the room a bit. Erwin opened the cast iron fireplace, and chucked a split log into the fire, hoping to warm the place up a bit more. He poured a mug of coffee.

            “Coffee?” he offered.

            “No thanks.” Levi replied.

            Erwin drank a gulpful, he was thinking of something, but he didn’t tell Levi anything. Levi was already plugging the Ethernet in, starting to search for something online. He pulled the police records out of the dresser, and set them between him and Levi.

            “She’s been to those places before.” Erwin explained. “She has several reports of running away from home.”

            “Where?” Levi asked, clicking open a search bar. She plugged something into Annie’s laptop, some black box that Erwin wasn’t familiar with. “Which ones match up?”

            “Well, she tried to sneak into Canada… or perhaps she did, she was in the country for a few days before they kicked her out.” Erwin explained. “She was in Salem, Oregon for a time… and… somewhere in Utah… Ogden, I think.”

            “Those places match up with the three initialed on her diary.” Levi remarked plainly. “What times did she go?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Check her police records.”

            Erwin did. He opened up the cases. Going to Salem, Oregon was one of the first ones, Annie had done it back in 2004, somewhere near the end of January, around the 21st.  Her parents were unsure of when she would leave. She turned up around February 4th. Levi placed a paper down, and wrote the dates and Erwin listed them.

            “And for Canada?”

            “Disappeared November 30th, 2004, got caught December 3rd, deported to Washington.” Erwin read.

            Levi wrote. “And Utah?”

            “Disappeared June 11th, reappeared around June 19th.”

            Levi stared at Erwin. “All those dates match up with some time she wrote inside her diary.”

            “Yeah, they do fall somewhere between.” Erwin pieced that much together simply. “Nothing about California or Spokane.”

            “Doesn’t need to be.”

            “Maybe the Marcel one is something…? But Annie never left somewhere in 1999. She would’ve been in the hospital.”

            Levi glanced up. “What hospital?”

            Erwin glanced over, he shook his head, and took another large gulp of coffee. “I couldn’t tell you. I’ve tried long enough to get her medical records from her childhood, it’s like pulling teeth with those idiots. I’ve gotten nothing… all Nile told me, is that when Annie was young, she was in a hospital.”

            “1999, she would’ve been eleven.”

            “Right…” Erwin blinked. “She was adopted at twelve. That would match up with when she was in the hospital. From what they said it was from age eight until twelve. Nile said she doesn’t remember anything about being institutionalized.”

            Erwin finished swallowing up his first mug of coffee, and excused himself to get some more. Levi was still doing something on the computer. He sighed sharply, his breath formed soft vapor in the cold little cabin. He stared out the window. There was no real sun, just a grey sky that made it hard to tell the sun had even risen. Though there was a dull glow of the sunlight in the melted snow outside. He knit together what they just discussed.

            “I don’t get it.” Erwin remarked. “The dates and places match where Annie ran away to. But what does that have to do with anything?”

            “I have an idea.” Levi remarked. She glanced up at Erwin when she felt his eyes go to her. He waited with baited breath. She returned her gaze to the computer.

            “What is it?” Erwin was brimming with curiosity over Levi’s thoughts.

            “Well. Marcel is the only one that seems to be a name, but it has no last name. So I’m assuming all the others are initials, like you thought earlier.” Levi clicked open a few pages. “Well, I figure if I look for those dates, and those locations, and those initials for names, something is going to come up.” She scrolled through something, gritting her teeth. “Looks like it did.”

            “You got something?”

            “A.A. Ogden—Utah, 2005, June 16th.” Levi replied, and then turned the laptop around for Erwin to see. It was a newspaper website for Ogden, and Levi had it opened to the obituary section. Since it was alphabetical, a name popped up first.

            “Armin Arlert. A young boy studying for a Ph.D. at Weber State University was killed late last night after disappearing around three days prior. Believed to have died somewhere in Liberty Park. Body found by a jogger in the early morning. Funeral services will be held the following Saturday. Closed casket. Cremation to follow. He was 19. If you have any information about Armin Arlert during his disappearance, please contact the Ogden Police.”

            “Christ.” Erwin murmured. “These kids are getting murdered left and right.”

            Levi glanced at Erwin after shortly reading through the newspaper. “That’s not all. Look at this.”

            There was no photo of Armin, instead, there was a picture of a policeman leaning over a white sheet, what seemed to be Armin’s mother was being held back by to other police officers, her mouth opened wide and screaming while crying. The picture showed a small crowd of rubbernecking people had formed around the sight. The worst of the picture was the white sheet was clearly bloodsoaked, and the outline of it was anything but human. It looked like a pile of mush was underneath it.

            Levi started to read. “Armin left this earth too early, but God always has a purpose and therefore we all must believe that Armin is still among us fulfilling his duty in heaven.” She scoffed at that. Erwin made no comment. She skimmed. “He was mutilated. They never found his legs, or his fingers.” Levi remarked. “And that’s just what they said in the newspaper. I can imagine what it actually was like.”

            “This kid was also mutilated?” Erwin remarked.

            “Similar to Annie.” Levi replied.

            “Keep searching. What about the others?”

            It didn’t take long, but Levi found two other obituaries in places exact to where Annie was. “Bertolt Hoover. 17. Calgary, Alberta, Canada.” The newspaper was in French, so Erwin was really the only one who could understand it. There was only one thing he needed to read.

            “Cause of death, blood loss shock.” Erwin translated aloud. “Went missing twelve hours before death. Any information please contact the Calgary police department.” He scowled. “This boy was murdered too.”

            “Reiner Braun. Salem, Oregon.” Levi read to Erwin. “Same here. Went missing for a while. Body mutilated. Parts missing.” Levi glanced up to Erwin, staring him in the eye.

            “Erwin.” She started. “These all match the days Annie went missing.”

            “Nile said Annie would come home detached and muttering.” Erwin whispered. He shook his head, gazing at the newspaper articles in front of him. “Could that really be it?”

            “Erwin, this means—”

            “I need to talk to Nile about this.” Erwin stood up suddenly, thanked Levi and clapped her shoulder kindly, unsure if he should really lay a hand on her. They were still strangers, but he felt a sudden rush in his gut, and he thanked Levi again, grabbing the papers and the Annie’s diary, collecting what they had gotten, and went back out towards the car. “If you can, try to find more about this. I need to tell Nile something isn’t right.”

           “Right.” Levi replied. “What exactly are you going to tell Nile?”

           Erwin stood in the doorway, wind rushed to his cheeks, flushing his warm face a soft pink. He turned around, grasping his laptop tight, papers squeezed up to himself. “I have to tell him the truth. Annie might be involved in these murderers… not to mention, they’re all exactly like her own death.”

           “We still don’t know shit about what this means. You think he’ll react well to this?” Levi challenged.

           Erwin was too busy with the spur that he finally had something for Nile. “I guess we’ll find out.” He returned, and exited the door, the car starting being the last noise Levi heard as she continued on their small lead of work.

* * *

 

“Are you insinuating my daughter had something to do with those murders?” Nile was anything but pleased with the information, which was not exactly what Erwin expected. He figured after a month of nothing, a lead about the murder might’ve been something to give Nile hope. Instead Erwin found himself displaying the obvious connected evidence with no real evidence at all to say Annie knew anything about it. Nile was incredible hostile about the topic.

            “You think my daughter is a murderer?”

            “I don’t think that Nile.” Erwin replied. “But I don’t know the truth.” He winced when Nile shouted.

            “So you think it’s possible? That my daughter would do something like that? How can you come into my house and say something like that!” Nile’s fingernails dug into the leather armrest of his chair. Erwin shut his eyes and sighed.

            “Nile. I don’t think your daughter did it. I don’t know though. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what it means. All I know, is whatever happened to these people, it happened to your daughter as well.” Erwin hissed. “Nile. This is a clue. I don’t know where this is going to lead us, I can only hope it’s in the right direction.”

            “Why would Annie go and do something like this?” Nile went from a burning anger to a deep concern. He tried to hiss out a sigh, but it was obvious he was riled up. “She… we didn’t raise her like that.”

            “No matter what Annie has done, it’s not your fault.” Erwin confirmed, looking Nile dead in the eyes until the man had to turn away.

            “She’s my daughter.” He hissed.

            “I know. So I don’t know who else to come to with this information.” Erwin urged. “Nile, I need you to be as honest with me as you can be. Did Annie know any of these people? Did she talk to them? Meet with them? Anything? Is that possible?”

            “I, No, No—” Nile pushed the idea away vehemently. He didn’t want to think about this. He didn’t want to believe Annie would have anything to do with this. “She didn’t do this. This is insane. She is not a murderer.”

            Erwin grit his teeth. He pulled out the grotesque picture of Annie body, her limbs torn, eyes popped out. Erwin held it up to Nile with a bitter look on his face.

            “I’ve gone to bed every night for the past month, staring at this picture.” Erwin hissed. “I have been here for weeks, for no reason other than this girl was your daughter. Why would I lie? Why would I sit here and waste so much of my time for you, sitting in a cabin where the heater barely works, with nobody to talk to, with nothing to do other than sit around with a pile of gruesome evidence and think about nothing but this horrible dead end case?” His words are cutting Nile, but he’s had it with how vague he is. Nile acted like all his children were angels, but this evidence was proving otherwise. “Nile. You need to tell me the truth. What about Annie do you know? Is there any indication that she could’ve been involved in this? I don’t care if she murdered those people or not. Because regardless, she was still murdered. She couldn’t have done this to herself.”

            Nile had his eyes squeezed shut, and he looked very irritable. He tried to think.

            “Annie… she… she was involved with… odd people.”

            “What kind of people?”

            “Satanists.” Nile hissed. He opened his eyes, but was immediately looking away, glancing towards the hallways into his house. “She would dress up, draw pentagrams. Marie would have none of it. You know how she is. Devout Catholic. Annie didn’t care… she would meet with others. Probably high school friends. I don’t know what they’d do together.”

            “Did you have any reason to believe they would be killing animals or something similar? Satanic worshipers are known to do rituals involving sacrifices.”

            “I don’t know.” Nile huffed. “When Annie left high school she stopped all that. The satanic thing was just a phase. She was being defiant. She wanted to make us mad. She didn’t do anything violent with them, she refused. I was close to kicking her out of the house sometimes. Sending her back to the adoption agency… I…” Nile shut his eyes, and drip of tears left his lashes, sliding down his face. “I didn’t hate her. I didn’t mean it.”

            “Nile. Breathe in. And breath out.” Erwin instructed. Nile obeyed, and covered his eyes again. Erwin noticed the past month had started to get like this. It seemed Nile was just starting to realize that his daughter was truly gone, and his anger had subsided into something like regret and bitterness. “Look at me. I need you to focus. Your daughter’s murderer might have known her personally. They could be closer than we think. Tell me anything that might be a connection.”

            “I want to.” Nile urged. “But I don’t know. She never talked to people. She didn’t make many friends in school… she loved animals though, I can’t imagine she would ever hurt one. I don’t know if she knew these people. I’ve never heard of them in my life until you showed me this.”

            “It probably didn’t look like anything more than a murder at the time. I don’t see any relations to each other; other than the mutilation.” Erwin replied. “But Annie had their initials in her journal, as well as the names of the places they died and the days they died. There’s a connection here that we’re missing.” Erwin continued. He thought for a small moment. It would have to be brought up at some point, so he settled for now, and stared Nile down. “Nile. Would you mind if I enlisted help from someone?”

            Nile blinked, and raised his brow. “What? Like Mike? I know you two are together a lot…”

            “No. He’s a busy man at the moment.” Erwin replied. “I have a friend who I’d like to work with me.” He knew at some point he’d have to explain Levi was in that cabin with him. Erwin would have to be the one to tell Nile, he didn’t want Nile to hear gossiping from other people around the area.

            “Who?”

            Erwin paused. “She’s a new friend of mine… but she’s brilliant. She solved all this in seconds.” It hits Erwin how easy it was for Levi to make the connection, let alone for her to track down specifically what Annie was most likely connected too. The dates, the locations, the initials. They all checked out.

            “I don’t want this to be a crowd.” Nile seemed nervous.

            “It won’t be. She’s the only other person who I’d trust this information with.”

            “Why?”

            Erwin wondered that too. Levi hadn’t shown for a second that she was anything trustworthy, let alone sane. She had only shown her brilliance as a researcher. But for Erwin that was more than enough.

            “I have a feeling she can solve this.” Erwin felt like a child admitting it. He was a very cut and dry, no nonsense reporter. He didn’t rely on his feelings. Most instances he tried to exclude them. Yet Levi became an exception to him.

            Nile doesn’t take long to respond. “If you trust her, then I trust her too.”

            “Right.” What a strange feeling it was, to rely on nothing but gut instinct. Erwin made no remark about it. He wanted to continue with where he left off. “We have a clue Nile. I’ll do my best to use it to my advantage… but I need your help too. This is your daughter. Anything you can tell me that will help this case will always be welcomed.”

            Nile said nothing, so Erwin stood to excuse himself for the time being. He told Nile goodbye, but when it came to passing him, Nile clutched Erwin’s jacket and squeezed it.

            “Find who did this.” Nile hissed. “Please.”

            “I will.” Erwin’s response comes easy, but the words sink like stones in his stomach, and he’s not so sure he can do what he’s been asked anymore.

            Erwin stopped to buy some things before returning to the cabin. He had to buy some more firewood, he bought a bit more food to suit two instead of one. He even searched for the barely tea that he saw Levi drinking the last time before he started to make his way back. He filled the car with gasoline, and by the time he had returned, Levi had a small stack of papers beside Annie’s laptop, and she was curled up on the kitchen floor, asleep again. The fire was dying out. Erwin set his groceries down, and placed the new firewood behind the older logs. He walked over to the papers by Annie’s laptop, and stared.

           Levi had used Erwin's wireless printer to print out a few pages from Annie’s desktop. There were photos, and screenshots of the computer screen. There was some history in her skype profile, and Levi had scrolled through. Erwin started to read them. Annie seemed to be talking with some boy who had no profile picture. Levi wrote in black marker, “Armin?” and underlined a chat bubble where Annie referred to this skype partner as such. They were part of some online memory loss support group through the Alzheimer’s Association. Annie and Armin seemed to notice a pattern in their memory loss. The way they acted as children, and the way they grew up. It seemed they weren’t adamant on solving the whole issue of the missing memory, only that they were fascinated as well as concerned over the fact that it sounded similar. Erwin stared at a place Levi circled in sharpie. It was impossible to miss.

           Armin and Annie both recalled being told they went to a hospital, but never actually recalled what hospital it was, nor why they were sent. Levi had simply written out “Hospitals?” on the page. She had written in a lot of notes between Annie’s conversations. It seemed she couldn’t find anything about Bertolt or Reiner however. Erwin searched over the files, and found Levi had gone all the way back to three years ago—it seemed the two had known each other for a while.

           Erwin skipped through some months, and found a place where Levi marked harshly on the paper. Annie wrote cryptic messages, claiming ‘I messed up, I messed up, I need someone to talk to, can I talk with you?’ The skype would break off into the call, and there were no messages to be found. However, Armin was sending links to Annie during the calls span. Levi had plugged the links in and wrote what they led to on the paper.

Common Household Items that Remove Blood Stains

How to Remove Blood Stains After Drying

How to Deal with Tramatic Events

How to Hide Bruises

Ten Life Saving First Aid Skills

           “What were they talking about?” Erwin muttered to himself for a moment. He could hear a sharp whistling outside, and he quietly shut one of the windows as it got louder. There weren’t very many people out here, save for a few artists, so Erwin had no idea who would be making such a noise. He sat down with the stack of papers, and focused in on the links. What had Annie and Armin talked about? Just what went on?

           Levi suddenly shot up off the ground.

           “It’s me.” Erwin’s voice dropped to a gentler tone. Levi’s eyes were wide. She stared directly forward. Her mouth was slightly open. She threw her bedsheets off, and stood up. Erwin blinked, concerned, and came forward. “Levi, it’s me, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

           Levi didn’t respond. She went to her boots, and started to fasten them on. Erwin stared, and got up, setting the papers down. “Levi?”

           Levi glanced back and forth. Then they started to head towards the door.

           “Levi?” Erwin repeated with a bit more urgency. Levi stumbled forward, only dressed in shorts and a black shirt. Erwin grabbed her before she went any farther. Levi suddenly swung a punch at his gut, and Erwin collapsed on the ground.

            “Ah—”

            “What!?” Levi jerked their head around, looking at a full circle before she assessed her area. She stared down at Erwin, now clutching his stomach on the ground, making a pathetic noise. She was utterly confused. “What the hell?” she huffed.

           “Sorry.” Erwin grumbled. “I didn’t mean to… startle you.” He offered. “What are you doing?”

           Levi blinked, and knit her eyebrows. “What am _I_ doing? What are _you_ doing?”

           Erwin sighed. He sat up right, and glanced to Levi’s shirt.

           There was a kitchen knife tucked under their arm.

           “Where… where are you going with that?” Erwin pointed at the knife. Levi glanced down at herself, and pulled the knife out from her hiding spot. It was a Cutco knife. She had a sheath for it. Beside her clothing, Levi had just that, and nothing else.

           “I wasn’t going anywhere.” Levi remarked. “What are you talking about?”

           “You just got up and walked.” Erwin replied. “You weren’t saying anything.”

           “Was I?”

           “Well, that’s what it seemed like.” Erwin remarked. “Are you okay?”

           “I…” Levi blinked, looking down at herself. “Yeah... I guess so.”

           “Why don’t you take a shower and go rest in bed? It looks like you were at work with studying Annie’s laptop.” Erwin remarked.

           “Oh, yeah.” Levi mumbled. “I didn’t really find anything interesting. Just that the two knew each other… Looks like Annie was in deeper shit than we thought.” Levi yawned, and rubbed her eyes. Erwin gazed over her, glancing away in an instant, and holding up the papers.

           “That was a hell of a punch…” Erwin murmured.

           “Yeah, sorry. I don’t know what happened there.” Levi remarked.

           “How did you piece all of this together?” Erwin asked suddenly. “You’re more brilliant than I thought.”

           “And why would you think that?” Levi had a bitterness in her tone, as if she expected he was going to crack some joke on her expense.

           “I thought you were just a good researcher. I didn’t realize you’re a good problem solver too.” Erwin remarked.

           Levi didn’t really reply for a good couple of seconds. Erwin didn’t mind it, but she did eventually reply. “I have to solve my own problems all the time.”

           Erwin stood, glancing over Levi’s work. “Levi, would you say you’re a good hacker?”

           Levi blinked. She leaned back against the wall, shrugging. “I’m not working at the Pentagon or anything as security, so I guess I’m not at that level. But I’d say I’m one of the best in the country.”

            She has no sense of pride in this statement, she speaks it like it is fact. Levi tells the truth, she most likely is one of the best. Erwin doesn’t disagree. He hadn’t exactly given her materials to really see her in motion. Levi can’t help liking the attention from Erwin. She loved Nanaba and Hanji, but they already knew her skill, and they weren’t exactly keen on open discussions and bragging rights. When Levi started, she could barely understand Nanaba when instructing simple tasks. Nanaba had to have been one of the best in Washington, but Levi had surpassed her long ago. Hanji however, Levi knew she wouldn’t have a chance just yet.

            There are several pieces of evidence that they claim off Annie’s computer, and Erwin finally decides that it seemed Annie was personally involved in the murderers, and did in fact personally known Armin Arlert. But there was nothing to suggest that she was the one killing them. For all they knew, Annie could’ve been the killers dry cleaner. It seemed no matter what corner they turned, eventually they would hit a wall and have to circle around and find another way out.

* * *

             Before Levi even knew it, a whole week had passed spending time at the cabin with Erwin. She drove into town on her bike fairly often, Nick didn’t dare call her, and had sent in his weekly report, making sure to have Levi check it and give the ok on it. Hanji and Nanaba noted her attitude had changed, and Hanji was helpful when it came to needing someone to bury herself against, or just fuck some frustration out.

            For the most part, she found her life now consisted with a lot of brainstorming. They had gone as far to think Annie perhaps was hypnotized, or perhaps she was being manipulated. Perhaps it was Armin who was doing it, but he had been killed as well. They considered maybe Annie did it to get revenge on him, but it didn’t add up. She was depressed for weeks after his death. Nile explained that they never knew why, but he decided this would make sense. Nile for the most part was difficult, and suffering from his loss, but Levi only got annoyed whenever they had to meet up with him. He was only holding them back from figuring anything out by casting random facts about Annie out of nowhere and crying when he realized how distant she was before her death. Erwin tried to convince her that the only thing that could help Nile was time, and everyone coped differently. Levi tended to wait outside when they had to talk with Nile.

            Yet, it was Erwin who bothered Levi most. He was enthusiastic, not in a childlike way, yelling or exclaiming, but not in an anxious irritating way, in which he was pushing the need to get the work done. Erwin always helped think of what would be next, and he never discouraged Levi for not knowing what to make of something, or finding a dead end. He would clap her on the shoulder, and would only ever give gentle affirming touches, waking her with a gentle shake, patting the back of her hand when she stretched out. Erwin never harassed Levi, he never made a move, he didn’t even try.

            He respected Levi, and she didn’t know what to make of that.

            Since it had been a week, Levi went back to her house to check her mail. The Planned Parenthood had gotten back to her. Negative for HIV or AIDS. All the tests came up clear. She could breathe a sigh of relief for that. Levi tucked away the papers into her journal to make sure she would remember. She knew she still had some of the condoms from the place stashed into her bag.

            Late at night, Levi stared out at the thin layer of snow drifting over the window. She had gotten a bit used to the bed, though she was still often jerking awake. Erwin mentioned several times how she would get up, not say anything, attempt to walk outside, and Erwin would then wake her, and she would get close to injuring him. He had a small bruise on his cheek because of one of the incidents, but he had politely asked Levi to cover it in makeup so nobody could tell. He didn’t expect an apology or anything. Levi slept in the nude in the bed, so Erwin would sometimes come to her room with his eyes covered if he needed to talk to her. Tonight she had a thin fleece blanket wrapped around her naked body. She stared out at the thin starlight.

            She was nervous at the thought of showing her naked body to anyone for the first time. Levi didn’t find lots of partners to sleep with, though there was an occasional fling with strangers at the bar, she mostly spent that time with Hanji, or used some toys if she was frustrated. Yet, she had a feeling Erwin wouldn’t mind how she looked. Levi wasn’t entirely sure if he ever actually saw her body fully. She could see a light reflection of herself in the window. Her hormone treatment had gone on for a while, but her breasts were still barely there, not even an A cup, her body had scars from fights, and was littered in tattoos that she felt precious to her as much as she felt private. Gathering enough energy, and having a few smokes, she stamped out the cigarette, and walked across the cabin to Erwin’s room.

            He sat in the lamplight, his reading glasses on, eyes gazing downward. He was reading emails on his laptop. Levi pushed the door open, and kept the blanket around herself. Erwin noticed the movement, and seemed a little concerned to see Levi. He could see her legs and one of her arms and could tell she was naked.

            “Is everything all right?” Erwin pulled off his reading glasses.

            Levi blinked. She shook her head.

            Erwin knit his brows, and sat up. “What’s wrong?”

            Levi came forward, blanket trailing on the ground. She grabbed his laptop with both hands, and unceremoniously dropped the blanket. She set the laptop on the nightstand. Erwin stared with a frozen expression of shock before he turned his head away. “Levi—” he huffed. He didn’t cover his face like a shy schoolgirl like he usually did, but his initial shock was still something cute. Levi leaned in, placed her hands around his head, forcing Erwin to face her, and sealed her lips to his mouth. 

             “Mmh.” Erwin huffed against the kiss, and blinked a few times before pulling away. He gasped, and Levi pulled her body into the bed, legs astride over his lap. Erwin stared, he wasn’t entirely sure what to say. When Levi leaned in to kiss him again, Erwin grasped her shoulders, and pushed her away.

             “Levi… no.” He spoke immediately. “I… we’re co-workers. Technically. We shouldn’t. We’re working together… we need to be professional.”

             “I won’t have a problem working with you just because we fucked.” Levi put her hands on his night shirt, and started to roll it up off his body. Erwin watched her jerk his shirt upward, and suddenly he was blinded, and Levi removed his top. He grasped the bedsheets pulling them over his stomach, shifting back.

              “No. I… Levi…” He murmured aloud.

              “Do you not want to?” Levi asked.

              Erwin’s eyes held such an honest expression, he was concerned and calm, but quite infatuated all at the same time. He couldn’t get his eyes off her tattoos, or her piercings, which he noticed she’d removed most of her ear piercings, but left the tongue one on. He didn’t know she had piercings on her nipples, small silver studs on either side. She had a navel piercing as well. He gazed down, and glanced away. His face was dusted soft pink.

              “Well?” Levi asked. “Is that a no?”

              “No—I mean—I just.” Erwin sighed, and covered his face, exhaling. “We shouldn’t. Regardless of what I want. We should be professional.”

              “So you do want to do it?”

              “I…” Erwin decided he needed to be an adult about this. Just remain professional. He exhaled. Erwin dropped his hand, and Levi’s gaze seized him all over again. “I do.” He admitted. “You’re… you’re very beautiful.” He agreed. “But i—” Levi sealed her lips to him again. This time he felt her bite, teeth catching his bottom lip for a moment, and he let out a small sigh. Soon enough his large hand cupped Levi’s face, and he leaned in. Levi ground her hips down. She felt his hardness between the bedding and his clothes. Erwin stiffened and pushed back again.

              “No. I shouldn’t.” Erwin repeated. “You’re… you’re a young woman. You shouldn’t. It’s not right. I’m taking advantage of you.”

              Levi could roll her eyes. Incredible. She was the one who invited herself over to this cabin, the one who invited herself into his room, the one inviting herself to fuck him, and Erwin still thought he was the one taking advantage of her. Still, she was a bit surprised as well. He had seen her, cock between her legs, pathetic excuse for breasts, and still called her a young woman despite it. Most people elected to calling her a man once any of them knew what she looked like naked.

               “And how are you doing that?” Levi hissed. “I want to have sex with you too. It’s a two-way street.”

               “I’m forty-one, Levi. You’re only twenty-six.” Erwin remarked. “You’re young. You should be with people... more your age.”

              Levi could scoff. “Are you serious?” but it seemed Erwin in fact was serious. “I’m not a teenager. I’m an adult, I can make a decision. Besides, it’s not like you’re rich, so I don’t have any ulterior motives for fucking you. I can weigh the consequences. Mentally inept as I am.” She could hit herself. She didn’t mean to bring up her own mental illness issues. He was probably thinking even more so that this wasn’t a good idea. Levi ground her hips down on Erwin’s lap, feeling his cock twitch even between all the fabric.

             “It’s just…” Erwin murmured. He glanced away. “I made mistakes at a young age… hell, I could be your father… My son is only four years younger than you…” He covered his face with his hand, shaking his head in shame. Erwin seemed disgusted with himself for his own desires.

             Levi scowled. Why did he have to bring that up? “I doubt you were fucking anyone pregnant at 15.” She returned. “And I’m not going to have your kid, so don’t worry about it.” She leaned forward, and kissed his chest. Levi brought his nipple into her mouth, and sucked until she saw Erwin squirm.

             “Do you not like the way I look?” Levi asked between breaths, her gasps of air chilling where she had just sucked.

             Erwin opened his eyes, staring down with compassion. “I…” That wasn’t it at all. He couldn’t think of Levi as ugly for even a second. He put his hand on her left shoulder, feeling the skin around her Valkyrie tattoo. “You’re beautiful.” He breathed. “You can do better than me, I’m sure… besides, I… I don’t have any condoms.”

              Levi pulled the blanket up, and pulled some condoms out from where she had kept them. She had a chain of five condoms, and Levi held them up, staring at Erwin. “This should do it. Right?”

              “I… oh…” Erwin felt his face getting redder. He was running out of excuses. Levi pulled the bed sheet down, and returned to her straddle of his legs. Erwin could see his pajama pants were already tightening, and Levi’s lips seemed to capture his words as he tried to find what to say. “If you want to…” Erwin mumbles between their lips, as if Levi hadn’t just fought him over how much she wanted to.

             “I want to.” She spoke clearly, in case that wasn’t driven home. Her hand curled around his clothed cock, and grasped his firm, warm length, abrasion from the fabric already had Erwin leaning his head back. Levi started to jerk hard enough to get Erwin to release something like a moan, and soon she pulled the waistband down, glancing down at the small clear drop of precum that beaded at the very tip of Erwin’s cock.

             Levi made an ‘o’ shape with her lips, and placed the condom in her mouth, after pinching the tip so no air was in. She slid down, face now at the same level as Erwin’s crotch, and she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, using her teeth to keep the condom in place. Erwin grasped the sheets of the bed, one hand roamed to touch her hair. Erwin felt the tongue piercing on the underside of his cock, and his face started to flush the same color as a peach in the sun. He wanted to hold her body up to his, but in this position Erwin could only feel his feet resting at her hips, and her hot, hot mouth trying to push down on the condom to get it to roll all the way down. She rolled the blue plastic over Erwin’s foreskin, and slipped about an inch past the head before she had to remove her lips and cough. She groaned softly, Erwin could see her hand roaming south between her legs. She gasped, catching her breath for a moment.

             “You’re thicker than I thought.” Levi admitted. Erwin grasped Levi, and pulled her up, bringing her into a harsh kiss. She felt him swipe his tongue against her own, and the two ground their hips together. Although, Levi was a bit shorter, so she was mostly grinding against Erwin’s stomach while he grinded into her thighs. She turned her head, giving Erwin a place on her jawline to kiss while she paused to breathe. She continued to roll the condom all the way down to cover Erwin. He hissed out a sigh, rolled his hips up, and clasped Levi’s head. She felt his fingers running through her hair and fluttered her eyes shut for a moment.

            “You’re beautiful.” Erwin doesn’t recall actually thinking about saying that; it seems to instinctively run from his mouth. His lips are pressed to Levi’s temple, and she feels his warm breath ghost over the tip of her ear when he speaks. His voice is low, rumbling in his chest. Levi aches, she shifts forward, and leans over the bed, grasping the small unopened bottle of lube she bought days prior.

           “Fuck.” That’s about all Levi can think of before she puts the plastic cap to her teeth and rips the seal off of the lube bottle. She’s about to pour it all on her fingers when Erwin clutches her hand. His hands are large and warm, and she can feel how callous they’ve gotten with age.

           “What?” she huffed, glancing up at him. Levi had avoided his gaze so far, and she can see it, unbridled lust pouring out of him. Yet he holds himself back. Erwin knows not to lean into his urges. His eyes are half-lidded, he seems tired, and looks a bit weary, wrinkles around the corner of his eyes while their gazes are locked. He turns away.

           “Do you… want to go all the way?” He asked, glancing down. Levi follows the glance, and looks back.

           “Well I didn’t wrap your dick and pull out the lube for the hell of it.”

           “I… I mean… you’re okay with that?”

           “I’m clean, if you’re worried. I used an enema. And I just got tested.” Levi wiggled her hand from Erwin’s warm mitt, and started to squeeze the bottle. Erwin grasped it with his hand. Levi stiffened, staring up at him bitterly.

           “Let me do it.” Erwin urged. She gave in easily. At least he wasn’t resisting then, and he coated his fingers thick with lubricant. He wraps his hand around the base of Levi’s cock. She can feel how large he is, his hand swallowed up her erection, and she groans, and shuts her eyes when he smears lube, coating and gaining a small pace, swiping the tip at each upstroke. He holds the whole erection in his hand. Levi tilts her head back, much to Erwin’s interest. Most partners tended to push their heads inward, so he enjoyed watching Levi’s face flush, and her shoulders draw inward.

           “Hurry up, old man.” She teases when Erwin continues just teasing, making her cock weep, red and twitching while she grinds her hips into his thigh. Erwin slides his hand under, squeezing one last time. He presses his index finger up, and curls inward, pushing it inside her. Her moan is soft and restricted in her chest, yet Erwin finds it so rewarding to hear. Just one finger felt thick, Levi could barely imagine his cock. Erwin starts to move around, pushing and opening up slow, just curling and uncurling his finger until he feels it’s enough to slip a second finger inside.

           “Oh, god, you’re killing me.” Levi groaned, and started to shift her hips up and down on his fingers. “What’s wrong, geriatric, your arthritis kicking up? Move faster.” She tried to get a bit of a rhythm going on her own. Levi felt Erwin’s forearm suddenly go under her thigh, and she was hoisted up, as well as a couple of cuss words leaving her mouth. Erwin pulled his fingers out, and had her laying on her back on the bed. Erwin was grasping at his night pants as well as his underwear, pulling them off, and over his feet. One of his socks stayed on while the slid off his foot. Erwin stared down. Levi’s eyes are smoldering, waiting, a sort of threatening look mixed with an anticipative one. He returns his hand, pushing two fingers in quicker than before.

            “That’s more like it.” She huffed, feeling how fast a probing Erwin’s fingers got. He spread his fingers apart, and it felt purposeful that he did it until Levi gave a slight groan. More from pleasure than overall discomfort, but his hands were much bigger, and they could spread much wider than she could. Erwin watched her eyes flutter shut, her long lashes, her red mouth, gasping for air, her sinuous body, her twitching cock—Erwin leaned over her. His lips found her forehead, and he worked his way down to her lips, kissing a small path there. Her mouth was open, panting, Erwin twisted his fingers around before spreading them, and he felt Levi jump a little, her thighs twitched trying to come together. He couldn’t tell where it was, but he knew he’d found that sensitive spot. So Erwin gently slid in and out, pumping, trying to rub up and down on that spot. He found it again, curling his fingers inward while Levi arched upward. Erwin made sure to rub and touch the edge of that sensitive bundle of nerves inside her.

              “Fuck.” She finally hissed out, and Erwin watched a strand of cum twitch from the head of her cock. He smiled, just a small bit satisfied, and continued to bump and slid his fingers around gently, teasing that sensitive flesh. “Oh fuck.” She had her fists curled tight into the sheets, and her hips thrusted downward, meeting Erwin each time he thrusted in.

              Erwin went at it for a while, and Levi made sure to let him know how long he was taking. She made a few quips about his age again, cussed a bit, griped at how long he was taking. Erwin knew when it felt right, it wasn’t his first time, so he made sure Levi felt nice and prepared, and finally slipped his fingers out. Levi feels like she’s gaping, and Erwin slides his arms out from under her legs. Levi’s thighs are already flushed pinkish-red, and Erwin slowly pulls himself over her.

               “Oh, no.” she gasps, sweat has restyled her hair into a mess, tousled and tangled, and she runs her fingers through it before sitting upright. Erwin leans back, concerned, his face decorated with urgency. He is so worried over the smallest things, and Levi rolls her eyes and grabs his shoulders.

              “Lay down asshole.” She hisses to him, and then pushes him back. Erwin followed her guidance, and his head is resting at the foot of the bed. Levi crawls over him. “Your decrepit old ass is going to take a week just to get me to cum.”

             “Must you?” Erwin remarked, he was starting to get concerned with the old age jokes. Levi grasped the base of his cock, and tugged a few times. Erwin groaned soft, and shut his eyes, leaning his head back into the mattress. Levi crawled over him. She tried to line herself up, and felt the head of Erwin’s cock feather over her entrance. She sank down on him, feeling the first sting of being penetrated, followed by being filled by the whole thing as she brought her hips to the very base.

             “Holy shit.” She groaned, clutching the sheets between Erwin. His hands were on her hips, trying to help in some way, his eyes are half-lidded again, gazing up at her, his eyes gazing over her body. He can’t really take his eyes off her, the tattoos, the piercings, just the look on her face. How her cheeks flush red and her eyes roll back. His fingernails dig into her skin. Erwin’s gasping for contact.

             Levi can hardly believe she’s not at the root of his cock, and she feels full already. She has one eye shut, and glances down between her legs. He’s got two inches of cock left, but it feels like too much. Levi exhaled, and inhaled again before sinking all the way to the base. “Fuck.” She groaned, and a moan left her lips. Her reaction makes Erwin shudder with pleasure, and he jolts up, snapping his hips into her own. Levi rides him hard, and Erwin feels how tight she is. He realizes he can’t really control her, Levi moves at her own pace, he can only assist in slight ways, and honestly it feels fitting.

            Erwin’s hands roam her body. He grasps her wrist, looking at the padlock tattoo on it. Eventually his hands come to her breast, and he teases her nipples between his fingers, using his fingernail a bit once he notices how sensitive they are. She shudders, and her cock aches. He gets a good look on the dotted line tattoo on her neck, and notices just at the jugular vein is a very small tattoo with the words ‘Cut here’. He gazed at the small lightning bolt tucked away behind her ear. His hands roamed the skin of her back when she leaned forward. She would clench, and Erwin pushed his hips upward, only causing her to moan a bit louder. Below her navel, just above her pubic bone was a small dove, wings outstretched, a small branch in it’s mouth. Under the bird was small cursive reading _“Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid.”_ which gave Erwin a slight smile.

            He couldn’t help it, he admired Levi’s body at every angle, and found his thrusts deteriorating, Levi placed her hands around Erwin’s head, and started to bounce up and down, their hips slapping. Erwin’s fingernails dug into her soft thighs, and he felt her shout, and warmth spattered somewhere on his stomach. She tightened when she came, her eyes shut, face flushed, and she collapsed into Erwin, where he grabbed her tight, now digging into her shoulders, and rocked himself into her, hitting that soft spot over and over, feeling her twitch and groan as she rode the orgasm out. His thrust only making her moan and contort her body, trying to milk her orgasm out of her body. Erwin felt a bit of triumph feeling he succeeded. Levi was panting on his chest, and he felt her cum smearing on his stomach.

            Erwin grasped her hips again, seeing how the skin was dusted soft pink now. He wrapped his arms under hers, and hugged her body tight, thrusting. Each thrust gave a slight groan from her, sensitive and aching, while Erwin continued until he felt himself spilling over, and dug his nails into Levi’s thighs until he left small markings on her skin. He came with a low groan, resting his chin in the small place where Levi’s neck and shoulder met. Erwin worshiped that spot with kisses, holding her tight, gently nipping with his teeth, feeling for a moment how good it felt just to touch her. His high died down slowly, and he found himself catching his breath, arm wrapped tight around Levi’s side. They sat that way for a full minute, Erwin gingerly tracing the tattoo of the Valkyrie, starting at her wings.

             Levi sat up, pulling herself up, and away, so Erwin and her were now separated. She panted, running her fingers through her hair, and sighed soft. She stepped out of bed, legs wobbling while her own come dripped down her thighs.

            “Thanks.” She huffed, picking up her blankets and the chain of condoms on the ground. She covered her front with it, stepping away, and turned away from Erwin, causing him to sit up, concerned.

             “Good night.” She huffed, opening the door to his bedroom.

             “W—Levi.” Erwin sat up, turning around on the bed so he was sitting properly. “Where are you—”

             “Shower.” She mumbled. Levi grasped the edge of the doorway, and turned around. “Uh. Um. Good night.” Erwin felt a sharp pang in his chest, like he had done something wrong. It melted away in an instant when she faced him. She had the slightest smile on her face, and then it vanished, along with the rest of her, out the door. She shut it on the way out.

            “Good night.” Erwin huffed, laying back against the pillows of his bed, just catching his breath. He heard the shower turn on, and he glanced towards the doorway, and then glanced over to his laptop. Erwin stepped out of bed, picking up his clothing somewhat pathetically. He figured he would shower in the morning. The image was already haunting him. Her voice, her body, her gaze, and that smile, it had been the first real smile he’d ever seen her make.

           Erwin was admittedly worried about it now that the shock and pleasure had died down. They barely knew each other, let alone talked to each other about anything outside of ideas and what to eat. He knew with Mike it was different, they had known each other for decades, but Levi was something else. He had no idea what he had just gotten himself into. But Erwin decided that tomorrow would be the day to worry about that, and for now, he simply toweled the sweat off, and laid back down to sleep.

 


	7. The Girl Who Haunts Herself

_December 2005_

_._

_._

_._

_I found her._

* * *

 

Early February had Seattle gripped in thick snow, rainstorms, and dense fog. Erwin found the streets slick with ice, and he had to get Nile’s snow tires for the car. Levi wrapped chains around her motorcycle tires, though Erwin worried that wouldn’t work well, it seemed they did just fine. The sky opened up grey in the late mornings, and set dim blue in the early afternoon. The days were short and chilling. Erwin had been working on the case with Annie for almost two months now.

            More than anything was Erwin grateful for Levi’s presence, though he could laugh to himself at the whole situation. She hadn’t shown any interest in him, let alone gave him any clue she wanted to do something sexual, so the whole first night was a bit of a surprise to him. He woke a bit guilty and confused, and he found Levi sitting outside the cabin, smoking, watching the lake outside. When Erwin saw Levi in the morning, she turned and smiled to him, faintly. She was usually dressed in black pants and a dark shirt with something strange written on it. Today it was a black shirt with a picture of a UFO on it and the words “I WANT TO BELIEVE.” Erwin never asked about her wardrobe though, so he didn’t question what it meant.

            They would brainstorm on the days Erwin was free, even though nothing got them closer to solving the case. The weapon found by the police showed blood that wasn’t Annie’s, but it gave no leads to who it might be. Levi seemed to get a bit uncomfortable about the whole case, but Erwin never pressed that. He wasn’t sure if Levi was squeamish or perhaps just unsettled, but if she was, he knew she’d say something. She didn’t hide what she was thinking. Levi was quite vocal when it came to her feelings.

            Tomorrow was a free day, so as the night went on, Erwin found himself laying naked, in bed, next to an equally naked Levi. She smoked. Erwin smoked with her. He stared at her tattoos— he wanted to know all of them. The small knife on the back of her knee. The bird below her navel, the rose on her thigh, the lightning bolt behind her ear, the padlock on her wrist, the dotted line just under her throat with the words ‘Cut here’ written under it. And of course, his attention always drew to the massive Valkyrie that took up the whole of Levi’s back, her black raven wings spread out, and the warrior being killed, who looked relieved, perhaps blissful—

            “You’re staring again.” Levi muttered, and Erwin blinked, adjusting his eyes.

            “Sorry.” Erwin replied. The ashes of the cigarette were falling on his chest. He brushed it off, staring around at the small bedroom. Though Levi tended to initiate it with Erwin, they had more frequently been doing it in Levi’s bedroom. She was fast about it, not that it made it worse. Just that Erwin felt a sudden surge of energy he didn’t typically have, and when it was over, he found himself getting thrown out all of a sudden, holding his clothing to his naked groin as he hobbled between bedrooms. Levi stretched her skinny form. She was certainly a bit smaller, and thinner, but she had wiry muscles, easily tense. Erwin never saw her fight, but he felt confident that Levi was the type that could hold her own. He imagined it mostly because of her analytical side. Even under pressure Levi seemed to hold herself together.

            “You’re getting creepy.” Levi hissed.

            Erwin shook his head. He shut his eyes. He kept falling into the lapse of staring whenever he was laying with her. “Sorry—really, I didn’t mean to.” Erwin took a few last puffs off the cigarette, and stamped it out in the ashtray, stretching over Levi to do so. She settled back as he did. There was cigarette ash falling around her breast, and Erwin leaned over her, and shut the light off. The moon was bright, and the sleek ice made the outside world shiny.

            “What are you doing?” Levi sat up, glancing at Erwin. Her dark eyes glowed white. Erwin found himself staring at how her skin looked in moonlight.

            “Would you mind if I slept next to you?” Erwin asked quietly.

            Levi didn’t say anything for a while. She made a face, something of discomfort, and slight concern. Erwin didn’t question her, deciding if she rejected the idea, he would leave, he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. Eventually she sucked on the cigarette, the dull orange circle barely visible. She stamped it out.

            “No. I guess not.” Erwin felt his heart jump a bit, and he felt a rush of embarrassment, like he was some teenager again. Levi shifted, pulling the blanket over herself. “But no spooning or any of that shit. It’s uncomfortable, and I want to sleep.”

            “Of course.” Erwin replied, shifting, and slipping his legs under the blanket, his naked leg brushed against Levi’s thigh. He shifted back, turning on his right side, facing Levi.

            “I catch you staring at me like a creep I’m poking your eye out.” Levi threatened, and there was a slight gleam in her eyes. She pulled the blanket up to her shoulder. Erwin nodded as a response.

            “You’re very beautiful.” Erwin wasn’t sure if he meant to say that or not. But it did cause Levi to turn around and look at him, an irritable look on her face. She mellowed out slightly, and slowly, and shifted to face him, blinking her eyes shut.

            “Thanks. I guess.” She murmured.

            The air is cold and silent. Erwin’s eyes go up to the window, watching the dark sky. His hand reaches out, in between the two of them, touching at the pillow. Levi opened her eyes. Erwin leaned in. They both smelt of smoke. “You asked me not to stare, but it’s difficult.” He murmured. “May I kiss you?” His gaze is half-lidded, smoky eyed, a slight worry there in his trembling hands. Levi stares at him, like he is some strange creature, and she leans forward, close, almost mouth to mouth, just a hair away from their noses bumping. Levi presses her hand to Erwin’s mouth.

            “Not on the lips.” Erwin nodded, agreeing with her boundary. He stared over that soft skin, the cream-colored glow on her in the moonlight. He settled on her neck, Erwin cupped one side of her face, thumb stroking her jaw. He tilted her to the side, and Levi blinked. Erwin pressed his lips to her neck, right at the pulse. Warm and soft. He can feel her heartbeat. He released, after a few seconds. Levi’s eyes were completely shut. She turned, and then face her backside to him.

            “Good night.” Erwin whispered.

            “Uh-huh.” She replied easily.

            He kept his distance, at least an arm’s length away from her. He laid there, looking at the curve of her back, the round of her hips, her toes curling as her feet stuck out of the blanket. He knew that meant she was still awake, scrunching her toes up, thinking about something. Erwin just rolled on his other side, turning his back to Levi also. If he didn’t, he’d just keep staring at her. She was beautiful in ways Erwin was not familiar with. He tried not to think about it, tried not to show how his concern was gnawing at him. This case was starting to flip his life inside out. And the more he had to stare at the horrific pictures of what was once Annie’s body, he felt more disgusted, not by the pictures, but his own numbness, that those images were so embedded in his life, that he didn’t mind it. The only reason this was different, was the small touch of familiarity. Annie was Nile’s daughter. If she wasn’t, then it would’ve been another cold case. Erwin shuts his eyes to sleep, but the thoughts are distracting again.

            Levi’s hand touches him, and he opens his eyes. She’s grasping a condom in one hand again, and lunging over him.

            “Guess I still can’t sleep.” Levi murmured.

            “You want to go one more time?” Erwin asked, one eyebrow raised.

            “Can you handle it? Or will I have to call hospice?”

            Erwin rolled his eyes. By now he was getting used to the old jokes, and he was wishing he never mentioned their age difference in the first place. It didn’t bother him much anymore. Mostly because he tried not to think about it. As long as Levi felt comfortable, he was comfortable too. Levi climbed over him, ripping open the packet with her teeth.

            “I’m still loose back there.” Levi murmured. “Just slide it in.”

            She was beautiful naked. Levi placed the condom over Erwin’s cock, and slowly teased him, touching the tip, stroking up and down. Erwin shut his eyes, and sat up, reaching back towards the nightstand, groping for the lube. The bottle Levi had bought was just about empty. Erwin felt perverted just thinking about it. They had been at it almost as much as they’d been working together. There were some times where Levi would coax him over to the couch, or even the kitchen counter, and one time in the shower together.

            “Ah.” Erwin exhaled. His cock twitched thinking about all their little escapades. Levi knew already where to touch him, she liked to be quick about it. Erwin wanted to take his time, but Levi just didn’t seem the type for slow sex. Levi slid the condom to the base, and climbed over Erwin. He put his hands on Levi’s hips. Her skin was soft. She had small scars, a lot of them were covered with tattoos. They looked like knife fights, broken glass cuts, other sorts of things. He never asked. Just like the tattoos. They seemed private. He traced a small scar around her hip bone, and felt her rut against his cock. He felt a rush of hardness against his thigh, and she came forward, shifting her hips over his. She laid down, stomach to stomach, chest to chest, as best as they could match up. He felt her hand slowly guide his cock, and she sank against him. He felt how warm she was, she tightened, and grunted quietly. Erwin reached out, holding her hips firm, and letting her bounce against his thighs while he held her steady.

            “You look good in the moonlight.” Erwin murmured. He thrust up to meet Levi as she pushed herself down. She groaned, back arching. Her face had a soft white glow from the light. Her skin looked different in the moon. Glowing, almost ethereal. Erwin feels his chest throb in a way it never had, and honestly it scares him. Just how much control she has over him. And he’s okay with that. She just looks at him, rolling her eyes again, and leans forward, hands on either of his shoulders while she gets a rhythm going and starts shifting up and down.

            “I swear to god you are the only person who says shit like that while you’re in the middle of railing someone.” She huffs, but her voice is a little stunted. She groans, and shuts her eyes, focusing on grinding her hips down.

            Erwin shifted onto his elbows, lifting his body up. He reached out to Levi’s hips, and brought himself into her chest, pressed between her breasts. He shut his eyes for a moment, pressing his lips to her collarbone.

            “No hickeys…” She grumbled, and moaned when Erwin thrust up sharply.

            “I know.” He murmured. “I… I was wondering if we could switch places.”

            Levi slowed her pace a bit, raising her eyebrow. “You wanna get fucked by me?”

            Erwin shook his head. “No, I meant, I’d be on top.”

            She shifted in his lap, and settled for a moment. “We’re usually like this.” She mumbled. “Why switch it up?”

            “I want to go a little slower.” Erwin remarked. He had all day tomorrow, so he wanted to spend as much of tonight as he could with Levi.

            “You sure you don’t want me to get hospice on speed dial?” She huffed. “Just in case?”

            “Does that mean you’re agreeing?”

            Erwin felt Levi shift to her knees, and pulled herself off of Erwin. She laid on one hip on the bed beside him. He followed suit, and turned around, now facing the bed. Levi laid down, and spread her legs, head resting in the pillows. She wrapped her legs around Erwin, letting her heels rest at the small of Erwin’s back. Erwin shifted back, so he could be a bit more comfortable, and leaned in towards Levi. He pushed inside again, and gave a slow thrust of his hips. He felt Levi’s toes curl, and continued to thrust into that sensitive spot. He sighed, running his hands up Levi’s sides. His hands were holding either side of Levi’s chest, and he pressed his thumb at Levi’s nipples, tracing small circles. She shuddered; Erwin watched her skin prickle.

            Erwin leaned in, kissing her neck again, and Levi tilted her head back to give him more access.

            “I wish you would use your words more…” Erwin murmured.

            Levi sighed, and shifted, opening her eyes. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to beg for you to fuck me like a porn star?”

            Erwin lifted his head, gazing at her eyes. “No. I meant in general. I bet you have lots of interesting things to say.”

            “You’re thinking about all the interesting things I have to say?” Levi scoffed. “If you’re not in the mood just say so.”

            “I’m in the mood.” Erwin remarked. “It’s when I’m not in the mood. It’s when we talk you only mention the case.”

            “That’s why I’m here, right? You just want me to hack shit and be smart while you fuck me on the side.” Levi mumbled.

            Erwin thrust a bit harder than normal, and Levi tilted her head back and groaned. She pushed herself downward, trying to match Erwin. He started to go a bit faster, grasping her thigh tight, and getting closer to her, face to face.

            “You believe that I think of you that way?” Erwin asked, eyes narrow.

            “Why would you think of me any other way?” Levi huffed, her face pinkish around her cheeks. “What else am I good at?”

            Erwin shifted forward, and put his forearms around Levi’s arms, hands on her shoulders. He thrust hard, harder than usual, and he could hear their skin slapping, Levi let out the faintest mewl of a noise, and Erwin clutched her tighter in response. His pace was slow, but his rhythm was stronger, skin slick with sweat, panting soft. “I don’t know…” Erwin murmured. “I want to know. What else you’re good at. You’re smart… you’re beautiful… you’ve been very helpful. For no reason. I don’t know how to repay you. I’m worried I’m just stringing you along on this nonsensical ride. I’m not sure I can solve this case. But staring at all this gore and guts is making me sick, and you’re the only part of this that makes it bearable.”

            Levi groaned, she turned her shoulder, twisting her body as Erwin pounded her into the mattress. She grasped onto Erwin’s bicep, and brought herself face to face with him again. “Cum in me.”

            Erwin panted, slowing and stopping when Levi spoke. “What?” He asked.

            “I want you to cum inside me.” Levi muttered.

            “I…”

            “Just do it.” Levi asked. “Please.”

            Erwin had never heard her say please, though he mostly felt he’d do anything for her, so she wouldn’t have to. The fact that she added it only made Erwin more eager, timid as he grasped her legs to pull out, only to rip off the condom and plunge himself back inside. Levi bounced her hips back and forth while Erwin’s pace got even harder. Levi was sure he was squeezing hard enough to leave a slight reddish bruise, and she hoped so. She felt him sliding around, stretching her hole out, feeling him prod all her sensitive spots so viciously. Levi was somewhat relieved. Though she preferred control, it felt better to just have someone take control and give her an orgasm instead of working for it.

            She gasped, her fingernails were digging into the bedsheets. Levi shut her eyes tight, and arched her back up, leaning into Erwin as she came. She felt her cum dripping on Erwin’s stomach, back onto her own body. Her face was flushed bright red, and she collapsed once she was spent, her cock aching. There was a short while where Erwin fucked her over-sensitive body for just a while longer. She wished she could get him to keep going, but she felt Erwin throb inside her, and felt a warmth flooding her insides. She felt her face flush red again at the sensation. Once the two of them had their heart-rate under control, Erwin pulled out, and Levi felt sticky all over, shuddering and just reveling how she felt inside. Everything felt warm and Erwin’s weight felt surprisingly comfortable on top. She didn’t mind him. Levi caught her breath for the moment, and shifted around, Erwin’s cum was already dripping between her legs.

            “Do you want a towel?” Erwin asked, his voice still a little breathless, he always had to take some time to catch his breath.

            “No.” Levi murmured. “I’ll shower when I get up.” She shifted on her stomach, and laid there for a while before pulling a blanket over her cold self.

            “We’re going to have to wash these sheets.” Erwin remarked. “I hope Nile doesn’t find out about this. I doubt he’d appreciate it.”

            “As if he doesn’t own this cabin just to fuck his wife.” Levi huffed. She turned on her side. “I’m going to sleep. Don’t spoon me or whatever, I might punch you if you try.”

            Erwin believed her. She must’ve been tired; she fell asleep fairly easily. Erwin himself felt lightheaded. He’d worked all day and had already had sex with Levi beforehand. He still felt like he was getting nowhere; now with both Levi and the case. Everything was still an enigma to him. And he found himself only getting more and more invested into everything. Erwin rested, both their backs turned to each other. Levi slept quietly, and Erwin had a slight snore, but it didn’t wake her. Erwin rested peacefully, and there was something comforting about someone being on the other side of the bed, a sensation he hadn’t really felt since he divorced.

            Erwin woke a bit earlier than usual, considering how long into the night they went. He was up a little while after the sun rose, around nine in the morning. He groped the sheets to wake Levi, and when he did, Erwin noticed she was already gone.

* * *

 

Yet Levi wasn’t where she usually was. She wasn’t in the cabin, and she wasn’t outside by her bike smoking, or by the lake, watching the flat shimmering water. The bike was gone, it was evident the shower had been used, and Levi’s boots were missing. She usually didn’t step out without leaving a note or saying something, but Erwin didn’t worry himself over it. She was her own person, he imagined there was places she wanted to go to. Erwin stripped the bedding of Levi’s room, and just hoped the stains would come out. He shoved it into the washing machine and dumped some detergent inside before cranking the machine on. Even if he settled down and got to work on Annie’s case, he couldn’t take his mind of Levi, and he found himself just sitting in the living room armchair, MacBook sitting in his lap while he reviewed what he had scanned on his computer.

            So far, Armin Arlert, or, his murder, was possibly connected to Annie in some way. Annie, possibly, had murdered people in her disappearances. Possibly four, most likely three people. This didn’t explain why she herself was murdered. The people didn’t seem to have anything in common other than their murders being horrific mutilations. Erwin had confirmed where Annie’s body had been dumped, and SPD had been able to find more of her body parts, as well as some of what might be the killers blood. Annie’s laptop had proved to be of little help, and she seemed to delete most old conversations, so they didn’t have any more interactions with Armin to go on.

            Erwin had decided that the only helpful thing would be to go to the sights of the other murders, and possibly investigate the other murders. But there was no way it wouldn’t be suspicious, and Erwin didn’t have the capacity to just drop everything and go to a different state. Since he’d be doing community service for two months, he also hadn’t been getting paid for two months. He still hadn’t written articles for Humanity magazines, and his credibility turned sour, so he would have to stick to editing for a while.

            After a few hours Erwin set to making himself breakfast and coffee, eating a bagel with some eggs, and a strong cup of black coffee. While he was in the middle of the first half of the bagel, he heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle approaching. Erwin left his breakfast to go outside, and sure enough he saw Levi’s familiar form out there. She removed her bike helmet, black hair messed up, and still damp, most likely from her shower. He stood in the doorway, trying to make sure he didn’t look too eager. He was surprised that since his divorce he had handled loneliness so poorly.

            “Everything okay?” Erwin asked.

            Levi stared at him, she looked bitter, more so than usual. She pulled out a bag of groceries stored underneath the motorcycle seat. She walked past Erwin with a brown paper bag, and she said nothing. She had bought some frozen food and a half-gallon of milk. Erwin shut the door behind him, and Levi dropped a tabloid paper on the kitchen counter.

            “I forgot you were a celebrity.” Levi huffed.

            Erwin glanced at her, and looked back down at the tabloid. Most of it was about more popular stars, but his own name caught his eye, and he thumbed through to find the article about himself. The title “Erwin Smith’s New Girlfriend?” There were pictures of him in Seattle, as well as him and Levi sitting outside of the cabin, the pictures were blurry, obviously someone took it from far away. Still, it was a bit uncomfortable to see, they had to have been taken about a week ago. Erwin scoffed, looking over the writer.

            “Everybody’s riding my ass…” Erwin mumbled. He folded up the paper and shoved it into the trash bin. “The man who works for this tabloid hates my guts. I should know, I fired him.” Erwin explained. “He contorted the truth too much, I wanted our magazine to only publish the facts, and opinion pieces at best. So I let him go.” Levi just rolled her eyes at that, but Erwin didn’t exactly know what that meant.

            “You just have the best friends, huh? Tabloid shitheads and rich assholes with dead daughters.” she huffed, and shut the fridge. Levi pulled an apple she had just bought, and wiped it on her pants leg before biting into it.

            “I didn’t know he’d go out of his way to stalk me here, I figured me getting shamed and discredited in court was enough for him.” Erwin explained. “You didn’t have to buy this.”

            “I didn’t buy it.” Levi huffed, taking another bite out of the apple.

            “You stole it?” Erwin asked, but he didn’t expect her to answer. “Still not worth the trouble.” He settled back down and started to eat the bagel he had. “Does it bother you?” He asked earnestly.

            Levi scoffed, she folded her arms after she settled down in the armchair. She raised her legs over the armrest. “I hate people posting pictures of me. And talking shit about me. I want to be invisible to the public as humanly possible.”

            “Well I apologize. It was my idea to get you involved. I didn’t intend that to be you getting involved in my problems. If this is even a problem… more like a pest.” He considered Levi’s words, and he imagined as a hacker that she didn’t want her identity getting spread. Erwin’s first instinctive feeling was shame and disgust when he learned how much Levi knew about him. But knowing she wasn’t malicious with the information she retained made him feel just a bit better about it. Still, he assumed Levi was very protective of her personal info, especially since she of all people knew how to find that sort of information.

            Levi looked sour still. She finished her apple and washed her mouth and hands leaning over the sink. She stared out the window, at the light reflecting off the lake.

            “Is something bothering you?”

            “I have a meeting with my guardian next week.” She grumbled.

            “Your… guardian? Like the person who raised you?”

            Levi scowled, she looked vicious at that, so Erwin shied away from asking any more. She answered. “No. My legal representative. The person who lets me roam the streets despite being a psycho.”

            “You think you’re a psycho?”

            “The government does.”

            Erwin knitted his brow. “How did that happen?”

            Levi didn’t face him, she just looked outside. She reached out to the window, and unlatched it, throwing it open. A rush of cold air hit her face and nose. She pulled out a cigarette box, and started to smoke. “I don’t know.” She finally said. “I don’t remember why. And that’s part of the problem. As a kid I was fucked up in the head and I got worse as a teenager. I’m ‘mentally deficient’ or whatever word they use to call me retarded.” She hissed. Erwin knit his brow.

            “But you’re brilliant. Why would they think that of you?”

            “I didn’t exactly prove myself to be a mastermind all my life. I didn’t get past high school. I just learned how to hack from a friend, and I… I took to it.” She held the cigarette between her fingers. “That’s all I’m good at. I like doing it…” And she spoke quietly, so much that Erwin could barely hear her, and it took a second to register. She murmured in a breath of smoke. “I like having control over something for once.”

            Erwin knit his brows. He was concerned about what that meant, about exactly what kind of person Levi was, or what she was assumed to be. He set his coffee down, but decided not to approach. “What are you meeting your guardian for?”

            Levi shrugged. “Just a checkup. Make sure I didn’t kill anyone this month. Everything is in order. Still passing off as a sane person. Not spending my time gutting dogs and wearing them as a hat.” Erwin was somewhat amused by the grotesque imagery, but they were sitting in a room with a wall full of gruesome pictures of a dead girl, so he couldn’t exactly make a remark.

            “I didn’t know.” Erwin admitted. “You meet with him often?”

            Levi scowled, and stepped away from the sink. “I’d like to never meet him again unless it’s in the pits of hell where we both belong.”

            “Why stick with him if you’ve detested him?”

            “He wasn’t always my guardian.” Levi huffed. “My real one bit the dust. This one replaced him recently… He’s fucking despicable.”

            “Can’t you replace him?”

            Levi glanced away. “No. Not anymore.” She muttered. Levi tapped off some ashes into one of the ashtrays on the coffee table. “It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s personal.”

            Erwin blinked, he didn’t try to analyze, and just nodded in understanding. He hadn’t even known this small detail, but it bothered him especially. So Levi was not fully in control of herself, not legally anyway. Erwin had heard about it, basically parole but for mental patients instead of criminals. He was overcome with the simple fact that he didn’t know something so important about Levi.

            He realized he’d been inside Levi, he’d learned just how good at hacking she was, how she liked to smoke after sex, and preferred Chinese food when she didn’t feel like making anything. He knew she had had hormone treatment for a few months, almost a year now. It seemed all her friends were also transgender. Yet beyond that extent, he truly knew nothing about her. He’d had sex with her several times, and only just learned this information.

            Erwin pushed past the thought. He glanced up at the calendar hanging on the fridge. Then he looked to Levi, and sat up straight.

            “I have about a month left of community service.” Erwin explained. “When the month ends, I was going to return back to Maryland.”

            “Okay.” Levi replied, and blew a thin wisp of smoke in the air.

            “I was considering a different plan. I still haven’t solved this. So I figured I would go to Utah, or up to Canada. I want to learn more about these murders. Annie knew something about this. I have a feeling it’s connected.”

            Levi didn’t say anything for a long while. Erwin knew he hadn’t asked, but it was probably evident. He wouldn’t mind a companion coming with him to these places. But all the same, he was used to travelling alone, so it would depend. Instead she posed a question he didn’t expect.

            “What are you going to do when you catch this killer?” smoke framed her face, and slowly dissipated into the thin air.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Well, what do you think is going to happen?” Levi huffed. “Are you going to point fingers at him? You gonna beat him up? Kill em? What’s your plan?”

            “I’m sure once I had enough evidence, I would compile it, and send the police information, and let them deal with it.”

            “Right, cause they’ve been helpful.” Levi huffed. “What’s the end goal?”

            “The killer is behind bars, or dead. Whatever happens, happens.”

            “You think it’s possible to forgive someone like that?”

            “Someone who kills people?”

            “Yeah.”

            “No.” Erwin replied simply. “I think it’s justifiable. That doesn’t make it forgivable.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “I think murder is just a means to an end in some cases. Everybody dies. Some people get murdered. The only value in the dead is whatever value we put in them.”

            “You’re a heartless motherfucker, huh?”

            Erwin raised his gaze, a bit amused to hear Levi say something like that so casually. “I’ve been accused of that.” He admitted. “But I can’t value the whole world. I can barely value myself. What is personally important to me is what matters in my life. Annie matters because she is Nile’s daughter, and I am Nile’s friend. Which is why I accepted his request. But Annie is dead. She is no longer valuable to society. Hence, the only value she has, is the value people put in her.”

            “You give me a headache.” Levi huffed. She stamped out her cigarette, and shifted out of her chair, sauntering away towards her room. Erwin took the comment for what it was worth, and promptly decided to give up on working on the case for the rest of the day. He rose quietly, and stood at the doorway of Levi’s room. She made a slight motion to him, and he entered the space without a word between them.

* * *

 

Soon enough, Erwin’s eyes shot open, and he’d forgotten when they shut. He thought for a moment that it was morning, and he would have to head out soon. But instead, the sun had just set, and he had fallen asleep in Levi’s bed. There was thin starlight, and the moon was out, glistening on Levi’s skin. Levi was right up against Erwin, her hand on his shoulder, the source of what woke him.

            “Levi…?” His voice slurred a bit from being asleep.

            Nothing. She suddenly gets over him, climbing on top of his lap, naked, like himself. He forgot for a moment that they had sex instead of really working on anything. He realized he must’ve slept the whole afternoon away.

            “Levi? What are you doing?”

            Silence. She then pulls herself off him, and gets out of the bed. Levi walks to the drawers, at the foot of the bed near the door. She grabs clothes, and begins to put them on. Erwin assumed she might be cold, so he didn’t do anything about it. He wanted to make a passing comment about if that was necessary for her to wake him, but he couldn’t think of anything clever like she usually did.

            Then he heard her collecting something. He sat up in bed, and saw her grabbing a knife inside the kitchen, and placing it into her jacket pocket. Levi sat down at the kitchen table, and started to put her boots on. She had to tie them up to her shins, the long black leather boots she tended to wear. Erwin himself grabbed his boxers off the ground, and slipped them on. Levi was staring at the ground, tying up one of the shoes. He approached her.

            “Levi?”

            She continued with her shoes. Her eyes looked glazed over.

            “Levi? Where are you going?”

            Not a word. She finishes one shoe, and starts to tie the other one.

            “Levi?” Erwin leans down, and with a louder voice calls her name. This time, he grabs her by the shoulders.

            Red.

            It looks black in the dim moonlight.

            Erwin stares down at his arm, gazing over the line in his arm that looks pitch black. It’s dripping. A cut. On his arm. He knits his brow, and looks at Levi. It looked as if in no movement at all, Levi had pulled the knife with her right hand, and gave Erwin a large cut across the left forearm. The knife is dripping in front of him. The pain is sudden, his mind is confused at the speed of everything, but Erwin feels the sting of his skin split open.

            “Levi!”

            “Ah—” Her eyes open, and she shoots up, standing upright, her fist clenched, she drops the knife on the floor, rearing up to punch something.

            “Levi, it’s me.” Erwin hissed. She looked mildly confused, then scared, then irritable.

            “What the hell?” Levi huffed. “What’s going on?”

            “I could ask you the same.” Erwin bit back anything cruder he wanted to say. “You just cut me. What’s the matter with you?”

            Levi glanced down at herself. She saw the knife. Levi clapped a hand over her mouth, and stepped back. She didn’t gasp or take on a surprised look. More like a disgusted one, as if there was something horrific before her.

            “Fuck. Shit. I… I.” She stumbles out a bunch of other words that didn’t string sentences. Levi glances at Erwin, and walks towards the kitchen light, flicking it on. “I’ll fix it.”

            “I should be okay…” Erwin remarked, but looking down at the wound now with the light on gave him different opinion. The blood was running thick at one spot, from his vein, and it was odd. It was a smooth, solid stroke; the wound, with the precision of a surgeon, that sliced all the way up half of his forearm. His whole forearm was red. The floor at his feet was soaked, and he could hardly tell.

            “Don’t be ridiculous.” Levi snapped. She pulled out the first aid kit, and a bottle of vodka in the fridge she had stored there. Erwin watched her, holding his arm out. He was shaking, numb at the whole event. He felt pain burning inside him, but it was so surreal. She dropped some things on the kitchen table, and removed some gauze and a small stitching case inside. She walked back into her room, and picked up Erwin’s shirt. She placed it between her teeth, but the seam, and tore the shirt, making a long strip of fabric. Erwin would’ve said something, but he was still stunned with what had happened. Blood was dripping all over the wooden floors. Levi pulled the torn cloth under Erwin’s armpit, around his wounded arm.

            “Stuff this in your mouth.” She threw the tattered shirt into his lap.

            “Why?”

            “You want the other cabins to hear you screaming?”

            “What are you going to do?”

            “You want to keep this arm or not?”

            Erwin didn’t want to ask questions, so he just shoved his own shirt into his mouth, and bit down on the cloth. Levi snapped the fabric together, tightening it around his arm. Erwin shouted in shock, but managed to just grit his teeth into the cloth and hold himself together. The pain was suddenly exploding in his upper arm, he felt a crushing pain as Levi tightened what he realized now was a tourniquet, and she tied it off, the tightness now permanent, and his whole arm now throbbed. She grabbed the vodka, and poured it over her hands, and on Erwin’s arm, rubbing it into the wound. He shouted again, muffled to the best of his ability by the cloth.

            “Fuck.” Levi hissed. She grabbed his arm, and at the wound, opened his skin, pulling it apart. That was what got to him. His body trembling as all the nerves screamed for Levi to stop, she started to open the wound wider, looking inside. Erwin felt like his eyes were watering, the pain was too much. And it stopped as soon as it started, only leaving a white-hot throbbing pain in him.

            “You’re okay. The vein’s only nicked in a few places. I didn’t cut it all the way.” She hissed. “I’m gonna patch it up, you don’t need your vein stitched together or anything.”

            Erwin just couldn’t respond. He couldn’t think of what to say. His body just shook with pain. Levi was now cleaning the wound, the alcohol burned, the pain throbbed, and Erwin sat there, aching, as Levi continued her work. She cleaned the blood off him, and patched him up cleanly, wrapping his wound, and soon the pain died down to a slow burning ache. Erwin could breathe again, and he let the shirt fall from his mouth and onto the bloodstained floor. The white cloth on his arm already seeped through red, but it seemed to not be so severe because of the tourniquet. His arm already started to feel tingly and numb.

            “What… what the hell just happened?” Erwin asked. He was dazed and more than confused over what Levi had done that for.

            “I don’t know I… I…” Levi ran her fingers through her hair. She truly did not know. She looked shocked, and Erwin was surprised she handled herself so calmly despite being so confused. “Where… what time is it?” She glanced over to the clock in the kitchen, and found it was about eleven at night.

            “Levi… where were you going?”

            “What are you talking about?” Levi hissed, confused. “I wasn’t going anywhere… I… how did this happen?” She was genuinely asking.

            Erwin stared for a long time, despite Levi’s reaction only being to swear and ask questions. He looked down at his wound, seeing that long line of red in the bandage, and looked back at Levi.

            “Levi… were you sleepwalking?”

            Levi blinked. She stared at Erwin, blinking a few times.

            “I… I don’t know.” She murmured.

            “You don’t know?”

            “I… shit.” Levi hissed and stood up. “It’s getting worse.”

            “What’s getting worse?”

            “I don’t know.” Levi retorted. “I… look, this isn’t… it’s hard to explain.”

            “That’s fine.” Erwin replied, clutching his wounded forearm. “I’ll take an explanation over nothing.”

            Levi hissed a sigh, and stared down at herself. “This isn’t normal. Even for a fucking freak like me. It started happening. The sleepwalking. But it’s so sporadic I don’t know why it happens.”

            “When did it start?”

            Levi stared at herself. “I don’t know. When I was in high school I guess.”

            “That’s quite a while ago. So it’s been happening for at least eight years?”

            “Yeah but…” Levi stared down at herself. “It was never this often.” She remarked. “It would be once or twice a year sometimes. Now it’s… once a week sometimes.”

            “What happens when you sleepwalk?”

            She went quiet again. She stayed that way for a while, and Erwin waited in the silence, feeling his arm throb around the tourniquet, and he loosened it, deciding his wound was not so severe that he needed it. Levi started pulling her boots off.

            “I don’t know what happens.” Levi mumbled. “That’s what bothers me. All I know is I wake up in places I’ve never been before.”

            Erwin gazed at her, she was clamming up, and she looked upset and nervous.  He glanced down at his arm, seeing the bandages seep deeper red. “Sleepwalking isn’t exactly uncommon… but it happening frequently isn’t normal… unless something has been depriving you of sleep.” Erwin paused for a moment. “Perhaps… it’s the case?”

            “No.” Levi hissed. “It’s been happening since before all this nonsense.”

            “You said it started to happen more frequently recently? Well, I wouldn’t rule out the case possibly affecting your sleeping. If you can’t sleep, you might be sleepwalking because of that.”

            Levi blinked, she stared down at herself for a long time.

            “Do you think you can kill someone while sleepwalking?”

            Erwin was a bit caught off guard by the question. He stared at Levi, who wasn’t looking him in the eye. He looked down at his own injury, still bleeding, and nodded his head.

            “Considering what just happened, yes, I would believe it.”

            “Is it still unforgivable?” Levi asked. “When someone doesn’t know they killed someone?”

            Erwin’s a bit unnerved by the question. What was Levi trying to say? He thought for a minute, and figured out an answer. “There’s a difference between negligence from one person causing a death, and completely unassociated individuals end up causing a death. But they are accidents, not murder.”

            “Is there really a big difference?”

            “Yes. Manslaughter and murder are two different things.”

            Levi went quiet.

            “Levi, are you all right?”

            Levi glanced up at Erwin, and she shifted in her seat. “I don’t know. I… I just need to clear my head.”

            She stood up, and slipped on some shoes, staying in her regular outfit. She grabbed her keys to the bike, and picked up one of the keys. “I have to check my mail. It’s been piling up.”

            “Do you want me to go with you?”

            Levi stared at Erwin. She seemed to be debating it, but she shook her head.

            “No. I’ll be right back.” Levi huffed. “I… I don’t feel right. I need some air.”

            “All right.” Erwin looked around. “I’ll clean this up. Just… be safe. If you’re tired, you have my number, I can come by and pick you up.”

            “Okay… I’m not tired I just… I don’t know.” Levi turned to walk away. Erwin had a feeling she didn’t care too deeply about her mail, but he let her go. Her behavior was bothering him, but he didn’t know what to say, nor what to do. Instead he just spent his time cleaning up the bloodstains on the floor of the cabin, wondering if Nile was going to be pissed if the stains didn’t come out. Erwin could hear the familiar roar of the motorcycle, and the sound of Levi driving away, at least a dozen things now spinning around in his head that hadn’t been there before.

* * *

 

Levi could hit herself. She felt crazed. Deranged. Something about sleepwalking reminded her about how mentally ill she was. How she was supposed to be locked up. Something about blood and guts swirling around insider her head. That face. Annie’s face. All the blood. The cold. Not a single wound.

            What happened that day?

            It had been months now, and Levi couldn’t figure out what had happened to Annie, or if she was involved or not. And more and more she was starting to believe she was. That this was something she couldn’t avoid. She got involved with Erwin for several reasons, one, he actually came to her and had the gall to ask for her help, two, she knew nothing about Annie yet she looked familiar, and three, most of all, Levi wanted to prove she was innocent. It couldn’t have been her. She couldn’t have.

            But nothing was saying that anymore. Levi was seeing all the trails leading around and through her, and she only hoped Erwin hadn’t noticed the pattern. Yet, all the same, she was willing to tell Erwin. Maybe he would understand? No—that’s stupid. He would lock her away, in jail instead of a sanitarium. He said it himself. Murder is unforgivable. Even when she just sputtered a bunch of nonsense about not meaning to do it. God, what was she thinking?

Levi let the wind whip her skin, feeling the air filter through the helmet around her head. She breathed the cold air in as she must’ve been doing 80 mph down an empty road. She slowed down eventually, and started to head to her own house. She may as well actually check the mail. In the meantime, she could compose herself while she was alone. She had to explain to Erwin she wasn’t feeling right in the head. It would be better to let this whole situation go. The only image in her head at the moment was the blood pooling at Erwin’s feet while he held his wound, almost helplessly.

            The drive is short with the speed Levi’s going, and she slows before her house. She parks in front of the mailbox, pulling her helmet off and sitting it on the seat so she could see around her. The neighborhood was quiet, now in February people were mostly just indoors, or out on the town. Levi walked up to the mailbox, and looked through her key ring for the mailbox key. While she put the key up to the keyhole, a sound of a chime came, not too far from her.

            _Chime  
            Chime_

            Levi froze. She felt her body get stiff and alert. Her muscles spasmed and she dropped the keys. She twisted around. The sounds of a bell rang in her ears. She wasn’t hearing things, was she? But that sound… that unmistakable sound. She felt her hands shaking.

            She was tense, looking for the source, and saw someone shifting through the bushes beside her house. It was a human shape, but the dark made it hard to figure out who it was. She glanced back at the bike, knowing she could get away, or at the very least, her helmet could be a blunt weapon in case it was some aggressive person coming through.

            “Nick?” She barked. Levi felt something like Pastor Nick was behind it. Yet the ringing of the bells sounded like a church bell almost. That was the only reason she made such a connection. “You have some nerve if that’s you.” She hissed. “I said next week. You know that.”

_Chime  
            Chime_

            Levi noticed the person started to exit the bush, and came closer to her. And ice ran through her veins, all while the sensation of a train hitting her seized her body, not the pain, but the shock.

            She saw herself, standing in front of her.

            She was smiling, her other self, and they had the same haircut, almost the exact same face, the same jacket, the boots, the pants. Levi saw herself, and the only difference seemed to be the lack of piercings, and the glistening golden hand bell in one hand. Levi stared. It was her. There was no mistaking it. She was watching herself, staring. The hand bell Levi was smiling, and came forward.

            _Chime  
            Chime_

            “Levi…” it was terrifying, as Levi watched her doppelganger say her name aloud. Their voice was not the same, and Levi tried to let that ground her. This was not her. This was definitely not her. It was… someone else. It had to be. But they came closer, and Levi felt like she was looking in a mirror. It was the exact same clothes; it was the _exact same clothes_. The only difference was the doppelganger was wearing her boots, while she had only put on shoes. “It’s you… It’s been so long.”

            Levi had a few choice words to say, but none of them actually left her mouth. She just stood there in pure shock, looking at was something like a mirror replica of herself.

            “It’s time to get to work.”

            _Chime  
_

            Levi only hears a howling of wind roaring in her ears, and she’s not sure why. The last image is of her own face, but with a twisted smile, and soft white teeth. She blinks snow from her eyelashes, and before she can register what is happening, her vision floods red, and the familiar warmth washes over her as she totally gives over control. The very last thing she senses, is the faint ringing of bells echoing in the back of her mind.

 


	8. Spare No One

Levi didn’t return. And Erwin reminded himself Levi was her own person. He thought maybe she was ashamed of hurting him and had gone somewhere to nurse her wounded pride. Perhaps she had gone to Hanji’s house and talked about what happened. Erwin didn’t know. Levi never showed. He decided to simply lay down in bed after he finally showered late in the night, and slept, trying not to think of her, and failing.

            The next morning, Levi was still gone. Erwin had half a mind to call her, or email her, but he had community service to do, so after checking and learning that his phone and email were both empty of anything new, he took an apple as his breakfast, and a thermos of coffee before heading out for the day. He had shoveling snow, for the most part, and placing salt on the sidewalks of some areas around town. It took a good half of the day, and Erwin was looking for something more substantial to eat when he had his break. He checked his email while he ordered something quick from a burger joint.

            Nothing.

            Surely Levi wasn’t that upset about this? Or perhaps she was back at the cabin already. He tried to let it go, just rolling his jacket sleeve down, trying to make sure the bandaged wound wasn’t visible. He had a feeling that old angered tabloid writer probably took some pictures of him already with some article about how he was trying to commit suicide. He would look at his wound a lot. Erwin couldn’t get over the fact that it had such a smooth clean stroke through his forearm. Even trained fighters didn’t do that. It looked slow, methodical, like a surgeon’s cut. But it was not any of those things. Levi did it in the blink of an eye, and it served as a reminder to Erwin that Levi was not harmless. It also reminded him that this killer was not harmless either.

            Their victims were not just killed, they were torn to pieces, organs, limbs, eyes, tongues and teeth all in a disarray that was sickening to look at. It was horrific to be reminded that those things were inside his body, that he was also a creature of flesh and guts and bones. That despite all his numbness towards the grotesqueness, the pain in his arm still throbbed. The body he was living in was still very real. He could not numb himself to that.

            The fact that his injury started to associate him with the reality of what he was dealing with, also aroused other questions in him. Just what was Levi talking about before she disappeared? She had already asked if killing was unforgivable. Then she asked if manslaughter was the same. And Erwin had a creeping idea of what she was getting at. Did she think she had done it? That she was the killer? But as soon as the question arose Erwin shook his head at the absurdity of it. Why would Levi agree to solve this then? Why solve a murder she committed? Unless she was truly that screwed up in the head.

            Another thought hit Erwin. Perhaps, it was a disassociation? Levi and the Levi that possibly committed a crime, perhaps, were two different people in her mind?

            “Hey. Smith. Get a move on.” Erwin glanced over to the supervisor, and realized he had barely touched his food. He shoved a few mouthfuls down with a splash of soda, and decided to head outside, letting go of whatever nonsense he was thinking of beforehand.

* * *

 

Wheezing, long, interrupted breaths began to fill the buzzing noise in Levi’s head. It was freezing again. She was cold. It was snowing, and wet, and slick with ice, wherever she was. Part of her was afraid of opening her eyes. The wheezing got louder. She couldn’t ignore it. She had to see what was making that noise—

            His face is still intact. That bothers Levi the most, because that cannot be said for the rest of his body. His intestines are wrapped around a tree. His skin is so pale and soft, yet it was flushed red around his cheeks, and his knuckles, and his blood is blossoming over the forest floor. There’s no sun, just grey skies, and the shadows of the evergreen trees look like the shadow of night over them. Yet with some light, Levi can see what is around her. And the man in front of her is most important.

            His intestines are hanging there, just, hanging there, like a party decoration. His hands are not connected to his arms. In fact, his arms are cut into pieces, the same way once slices up a hot dog into sections. As if he was butchered meat. There’s a cut section of his abdomen. His face is pristine. Somehow no blood touched him there despite whatever unspeakable thing occurred to his body. Levi notices his head is tilted awkwardly. His neck is broken. He can’t feel anything. It’s evident that he’s not moving his body, though his chest—what’s left of it, is rising and falling, and the thin skin over his left side shows faint traces of a heart thumping. He wheezes again. Levi stares at his face, and she realizes he is crying.

            Big wet tears are streaming down his face; his gun-metal grey eyes were reddened. He looked so scared, he looked so afraid of Levi, but he couldn’t move. He only wheezed out each breath, and sucked them in slowly.

            Levi crumpled before his body. She looked down at her arms. Her hands were caked in blood. Up to her elbows, she felt it in her mouth, on her face, dried on her skin. How long had they been there, like this? Her and this… this stranger? She stared at him. Something about him horrified her, besides the gore. He looked… familiar. The shape of his jaw, the shape of his eyes, the color of his hair, his body type, or, what was left of his body type.

            Yes. He looked like Erwin. Like a young Erwin, just different colored eyes. She’s shaking, and droplets of water hit the man’s face, and Levi realized she’s crying over him.

            “God…” she stutters, and remembered for a moment that she can speak. “I’m so sorry…” She whispered. Levi looked down at the knife in her hand. She doesn’t recall how it got there. A kitchen knife. Not one from the cabin—the one she used to cut Erwin; no, this is from her house. She knows it. Her house… That was the last place she remembered being.

            “ _Why…_ ”

            Levi blinked, and stared down at the man before her. His voice was wrecked, and Levi noticed on top of his neck being snapped, the front of his throat was sliced, and his vocal cords were a mess. Levi knew. She could tell that those were his vocal cords, and she could see his wheezing breath had blood sputtering between his cut neck.

            “ _Why…_ ” It was the man. He was asking her. Levi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t look real, he looked like a gory prop for a movie; not a real person. She didn’t think he could still speak. Blood dribbles out of the corner of his mouth.

            “I… I don’t know.” Levi mumbled. “I didn’t… I don’t know what happened. I…”

            The ringing was in her ears again. Chiming bells.

            “ _…Bells…_ ” the man wheezed out the word, and Levi suddenly felt elated. In a sick twisted way, amongst the gore around her, she was happy, that the man before her had said that.

            “You hear it too?” she asked.

            The man seemed to attempt a nod. But he couldn’t really move his head well, nor could he speak well, so he blinked to respond. Levi leaned over him. She didn’t know him, but she felt like she did. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, holding his neck as delicate as she could. The bells started to ring, louder, closer. The sound of footfall approaching. Levi realized she was crying again, tears dripping off her lashes. The man wheezed. She knew in her heart what was coming. She knew he wouldn’t make it. And she had to make the decision before she didn’t have a choice anymore.

            “I’m sorry.” She whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

            Levi took the knife and plunged it into the man’s jugular, and felt the last glimpse of life in him slowly drain out. The look on the man’s face was one of relief, and he blinked slowly, quietly, and settled, dead. A thick stream of blood was running over the icy ground, it had been running for hours, by the looks of it. Framed around the scene of Levi hugging the dying man, was the dark forest surrounding her, and the faint snow that was starting to fall.

* * *

 

“How long has she been gone?”

            “It’s been at least three days by now.” Erwin sat with his cellphone up to his ear, his iBook sitting in his lap as he looked at his empty email.

            “Well, Like I said yesterday, this is common.”

            “Why is this common, does she do this after something specific happens?” Erwin asked.

            “You sound worried.” Hanji’s voice was so assured despite the situation. “Levi has been this way almost all the time. Since she arrived in Seattle. She’ll just get up and disappear. A few days later she’ll come back.”

            “Does this have anything to do with her sleepwalking?”

            “Sleepwalking?” Hanji remarked. “I don’t think so… I usually wake her up before anything happens. Why? Was she sleepwalking before she disappeared?”

            “Well… yeah. She cut me.” Erwin looked at the wound on his arm. In the past three days he had gone to a doctor and had it properly looked at, of course, he had to run through being asked questions about suicidal thoughts or if he had self-harmed before. He decided to go with it, it probably made more sense than what actually happened. “She seemed out of it. She cut me before she was actually awake.”

            “Well, she’s pretty violent on her own, consciously.” Hanji remarked. “What happened afterwards?”

            “She helped me patch it up.” Erwin explained. “Then she went out to check her mail at home. She said she needed fresh air.”

            “So she was conscious when she left… Did you go to her house?” Hanji asked. “Maybe she’s there.”

            “But that doesn’t explain why she won’t answer my calls.” Erwin remarked. “Or return my emails. Or why she didn’t come back.”

            “She’s a weird person, I’ll give her that much.” Hanji admitted. “But it sounds like she might’ve been upset. She hurt me once, on accident, and she couldn’t forgive herself. Maybe she feels bad or something. Levi doesn’t exactly cope with things naturally. I think she’s been feeling off lately. A lot of things have happened. She got a shitty guardian, she’s been working on this case with you, she’s been distant even to me and Nanaba lately… I feel like something else happened, but she won’t say. She cuts herself off sometimes, so don’t take it too hard.”

            “It’s not that I feel bad, I’m worried for her sake.” Erwin remarked. “I don’t know what kind of person Levi is… I’d just like to think I know her well. We have a more personal relationship.”

            “Having sex with her doesn’t make your relationship with her deeper.” Erwin was a bit surprised when Hanji said that, but he didn’t argue with her. He had given up at this point and wondering how much these people knew about him. “Trust me. We’ve been together. She doesn’t get closer to people just because you cum on her. It took years for me to at least get an idea of what she’s like. And yes. I know. You don’t have to hide it from me. I don’t mind, Levi can have sex with whoever she wants.”

            Erwin had just about had it with all these hackers sharing everything amongst themselves, but he didn’t press that. “I’m going to swing by her house, I’ll let you know if anything is strange.”

            “All right. Just keep in touch. I know I don’t know you well, but I’m here if you need some help with talking to Levi. Or interacting with her.”

            “Thank you for that.” Erwin replied.

            “I’d ask how the case was going, but I imagine you don’t want to share?”

            “You’re a hacker. I assume you already know.”

            Erwin felt like he could almost hear Hanji smiling.

            “Just wanted to know how much of the truth you let out.”

            “I let all the truth be known when I find this person.”

            “Right.” Hanji sighed. “Be careful though; your dreadful suspicions can lead to a very dreadful reality.”

* * *

 

            It was the fifth day that Erwin got a call in the afternoon. He was more than worried for Levi by then. Her motorcycle was still at her house, and he found her keys on the ground outside of her mailbox, and her helmet. A biting worry was inside him. Was she kidnapped? Could that be possible? No. She would struggle, and there was no sign of that. Still, he decided he’d contact the police if she didn’t show within a week. Out of curiosity, Erwin opened up the mailbox, and found that Levi hadn’t taken out her mail. He went up to her house, and fiddled with the keys until he found the one that worked. Nothing inside. It seemed nobody had been in for about a month. He threw out some of the rancid food in her house, and pulled the garbage out in front, the same way the others were on that street. He assumed it was garbage day. After finding nothing, he was only more worried, but he took Levi’s helmet and keys, and left the motorcycle in her driveway where it was.

            When the call came, Erwin saw it was a number that wasn’t in his cellphone. He recognized the area code. 503.

            “Oregon?” He muttered to himself. Erwin expected his sister, or perhaps even his ex-wife, but he was shocked as much as he was relieved when he heard the voice.

            “ _Erwin…?_ ”

            “Levi? Is that you?”

            Silence. Erwin stays on the line, his breath frozen in his throat as he waits, wanting to hear what Levi had to say.

            “Please… come get me…” Levi murmured. Her voice was weak, it sounded strange. Not strangled, just, sickened and scared. “I… I don’t know where I am.”

            “How am I supposed to come get you then?” Erwin asked. “I’ll come, but, can you tell me what you’re nearby?”

            Silence. There’s a long pause. Erwin hears wind, and he realizes the phone is swaying, at least, that must be what’s making the noise. Levi’s gone for minutes. He sits at his phone, exhaling shakily out of concern. Then he hears the plastic creak, and Levi’s voice returns.

            “Willamette.” She murmured.

            Erwin pieced together what that meant.

            “Willamette River?”

            “Y… yes.”

            “Levi.” He said slow, and firmly, trying to keep her calm. She sounded scared and erratic. “The Willamette River? Outside of Portland? Can you give me some ideas of where you are? Describe the area.”

            “I… There’s… a bridge… and people… in the park.”

            “What color is the bridge?”

            “… Green.”

            The questions went on for a while. Erwin found Levi was sound, she seemed aware, but she seemed very confused and quiet. Erwin got into his car while she started to describe the area, and threw in towels, a first aid kit, a thermos of coffee, some apples and crackers—he had no idea what was going on, so he packed whatever might be helpful. He even put Levi’s laptop and some of her clothes in the car; she sounded like she was shivering.

            Erwin pinpointed that Levi was nearby Cathedral Park and St Johns Bridge, so he started what he knew would be a three-hour drive. The whole time his mind raced, but eventually Levi hung up, and he was left to be alone with his thoughts. His last words to him swirling around in his mind.

            “ _Please help me.._ ”

            She sounded terrified, and Erwin started to imagine the worst, that she had been hurt, that someone had done something to her. That she was in danger, or delirious, and he wished he could hurt, but there was nothing he could do. He was so far away. It gnawed at him the entire time. He kept the heater running, feeling his eyes get dry and his body getting more relaxed as the frigid weather was drove out of his car.

            He found her, the midafternoon only greeted them with grey skies and a light wind. Erwin saw her, sitting on a bench besides the payphone. She was shaking, shivering, she was in nothing but a red tanktop and black boxers. Her shoes were missing, her pants, her jacket, her socks. And Erwin was shocked when he realized she was soaking wet. Her skin was glistening, her hair dripping with water. She was frozen, except for the shivering. She just held her body in the position, and didn’t move. Erwin parked the car on the shoulder of the road and went out to her.

            “Levi? Levi what happened to you?”

            Nothing. She looks up at him, and reaches her arms out. She’s got scratches on her forearm, and her knee has a large scrape on it, blood dripping down her soaking wet legs. She’s trembling. The air is cold and Erwin sees her breath come out in wisps of vapor, his own as well. He doesn’t know what to do, he’s used to asking Levi for permission at every step, so he kneels by her, sees her, shaking, frozen stiff, injured, and touches her reaching hands. “Levi, I’m going to pick you up, and put you in the car, okay? You need to get your clothes off, it’s warm in the car, I’ll dry you off.”

            “Okay…” She stuttered the word. Erwin grabs her under her arms, and then reaches behind and securely grasps under her buttocks, at her thighs, and lifts her onto his chest. She’s cold as ice, her skin is pale and bruised and she’s bleeding in places. He carries her, there’s very few people out, but who is there is staring at Erwin like a freak of nature. He sets Levi down in the seat between the passenger and the driver. He shuts the driver side door, and cranks the heater up. He reaches in the back and looks around for a towel and wraps it around her.

            “Levi, come, take your clothes off.” Erwin urged her. “You’re soaking wet. You must be freezing.” He helps her pull off her soaking wet red tanktop, and notices the red color is stuck to her skin, and now his hand. He wraps the towel over her shoulders, and ruffles her hair up, drying it, and dabbing her face. Her lips are blueish. Her fingertips are even worse. She’s shivering, and Erwin helps her slowly remove the boxers, and her gaff, and she’s naked in front of him. He wraps the towel over her top, covering her breasts, and grabs a fleece blanket he had stored in the car and wraps her whole body in it.

            “Levi, come, come here.” He breathed, and wrapped his arms around her, a thick layer of towel and blanket over her shoulders. She falls against him, face first, and Erwin rubs her arms, and her back, trying to help her warm up, get her blood flowing. He held her in his arms, and felt his chest throb. He was happy. She was safe, she was alive. He brought her into his lap, and turned the heater vents to her, holding her close.

            “I was so worried.” Erwin breathed. “I didn’t know where you went…”

            Levi was quiet. She clutched Erwin close to her, and tucked her head under his chin, huddled to his throat. “I’m sorry…” she murmured into his jacket. “I’m sorry.”

            “You’re safe.” Erwin remarked. He brushed her damp hair back, drying off the droplets coming from her hair with the towel. He held her, stroking her hair, curling her close to him. “I’m here… let me help you.”

            Levi squeezed his shoulders. “Take me home… just take me home.” He felt her weight settling against his torso, her legs wrapped around him. Her head was still shaking, her body trembling from the cold, and she pressed her face against his chest, breathing hard. “Please… take me home.” The direness in her voice worried him, and he started the car up, and drove. He only asked Levi to shift a bit so he could buckle the seatbelt. She shifted, and sat beside him, her knees pressed to her chest as she kept her head tilted against his shoulder. She had the blanket wrapped around her, and her hands poking out, with the towel underneath, wrapped around her neck.

            Erwin stroked her hair, and grasped her hand when she would reach out to him. He glanced at her at least twice every minute. Asking frequently if she was all right, if her wounds were okay, if she was getting cold somewhere, or too hot. She was mild, and quiet for the most part.

            “I need to stop somewhere at get gas, okay?”

            Levi nodded. Erwin turned off one of the exits, and came to a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. There were some large semi-trucks parked beside the place. Erwin pulled up to the gas pump, and turned off the engine.

            “Do you want something to drink? Eat?”

            “I… I just want to go home.” Levi wrapped herself tighter in the blanket, mostly because she was naked underneath, and there was a couple of people milling around. Erwin tensed, watching her movements. He fished out the apples and crackers he shoved inside the car earlier, and set them down in the cupholder.

            “Here. I brought some things. You’ve been gone for days.” Erwin remarked. He leaned in. “Just sit tight, I’ll be right back.” He walked over to the small mini-mart and the window where a young boy was sitting. He’d lived in Oregon long enough to know he couldn’t pump his own gas, so he ordered a full tank, and went inside the store, glancing over his shoulder to see what the boy did. He was fiddling with the car’s gas cover, and eventually started filling the car. His hand was on the roof, and he wasn’t looking inside. Erwin could see Levi shifting away from the man, curling up into the fleece blanket. Erwin bought some hot chocolate in a foam mug, and grabbed a foam mug of hot water and a bunch of different tea packets. He bought some hand warmer packets that activated when one popped the metal disk on it. He bought some coffee for himself and the rest of the three-hour drive, and came back out, setting the food down in the car.

            When he returned, Erwin noticed Levi had already eaten the whole packet of soda crackers and the apple core was sitting in the empty plastic wrap. He set the mug of hot chocolate down, and the hot water, holding the coffee to himself. She looked uncomfortable, and had bits of crumbs around her mouth. He sat down beside her, and carefully wiped her face. She flinched, but didn’t pull away from Erwin.

            “That’ll be all sir.” The young boy who filled the gas tank spoke, and handed over a receipt. Erwin signed, and took back his credit card from the boy. Levi looked away when he was around, and Erwin drove over to the empty side of the parking lot and pulled out the first aid and Levi’s clothes.

            “I didn’t grab underwear, I’m sorry.” Erwin explained, and laid down Levi’s pants and jacket. She glanced over, but didn’t reach for it. “I’m going to patch you up okay? Your arms and legs are bleeding.”

            She slowly shifted her leg out. Erwin saw the scrape on her knee was deep, three sharp lines, they looked human, and Erwin started to think the worst had happened. He took a huge dab of Neosporin, and smeared it onto her wound. She winced, but didn’t cry out. Just clutching the seat tight, her knuckles turning white at the pressure. Erwin covered the wound with cloth bandages, and taped it up. He did the same for her arms, also scratches, but this looked different, it looked like she had scrapes from falling down, and from branches whipping her. She had some marks on her face. And Erwin realized there was some foliage in her hair. He plucked it out. Evergreen pines, and a small stick. There was some mud plastered on her hair and neck. Erwin wiped with the towel.

            After he cleaned her up as much as possible, he glanced back at her wet clothes. The tanktop he realized was not red, but it was bloodsoaked. The blood had dried on his hands, as well as Levi’s skin. Levi slid on the dry clothes, slipping into her shirt, and pulling on her pants without any underwear. Erwin breathed deeply, and exhaled. He sat back looking to Levi. She had been looking down the entire time. Now she was blowing on the hot chocolate, and drank a few sips before setting it down.

            “Levi…” Erwin spoke, and touched her unwounded knee gently. “I need to ask you this. Just… I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me what happened. Please do.”

            She said nothing, but she did glance at him.

            “Levi… should I go to the doctors and…” Erwin looked very concerned asking, his voice got a bit quieter. “Should I get a rape kit?”

            Levi’s eyes widened, and she looked bitter, and disgusted, and she wrapped the blanket around herself again. “No.” she hissed. “I wasn’t raped.”

            “Levi.” Erwin spoke calmly. “Do you remember what happened? You… you’ve been gone for days.”

            “Yes. I remember.” She hissed. “I wasn’t raped.” She repeated. “I…” her voice stuck. Regardless of what Erwin thought, she couldn’t tell the truth.

            “Are you sure?” Erwin asked.

            “If I was, I would tell you. And I would feel it.” Levi snapped. “I’m fine. Nothing inside me hurts. Nobody did anything to me.”

            Erwin didn’t seem convinced.

            “Why are you covered in scratches? It looks like someone attacked you. And… why are you out here? Your bike is back at your place. How did you get out here? What happened?”

            “I—” She hissed an irritated sigh, and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know. I lost track of the time…” she murmured. “I… I’m not sure how I got here. I just want to go back home. I want to forget about this.”

            “You don’t remember?” Erwin asked.

            “I… fuck, I don’t know. I know I got here somehow. I just… I was… out in the forest. For a while.”

            “What were you doing?”

            “I don’t want to talk about it.” She hissed. “Nothing happened. I just want to go home and forget this.”

            Erwin went quiet. He had to believe her. She had no reason to lie; at least he assumed so. He didn’t know what to do with her information. She hadn’t been sexually assaulted, at least she said so, but she had been out in the woods around Portland. She had cuts and scrapes and one that looked like an attack from another human being. She had no clothes when he found her, just underwear. She was freezing. He didn’t know what to make of all of this.

            “All right. You don’t have to.” Erwin explained. “But I want you to take a hot bath and get some rest when you get home. I don’t know what you went through, but I’m here if you need me.”

            Levi stared out the window. Erwin started to drive away, turning back into the freeway, leaving the small gas station at the exit. There was thick fog starting to fall over the city. Erwin drove. Levi put her legs down, and leaned on Erwin’s shoulder. She drank the hot chocolate. Soon enough the cold from her began to fade, and she turned the heater off. By the time they were back to Seattle the sun was close to setting, and Erwin drove up to her house. She glanced outside, and back to Erwin. She didn't leave.

            “You want me to come with you?” Erwin asked.

            “I meant the cabin.” Levi murmured. “When I said I wanted to go home.”

            “Oh.” Erwin replied. “You want to ride your bike back? Or do you not feel well?”

            “…I’ll pick it up later.” Levi murmured. “Just… let me go home.”

            Erwin pulled out of the driveway, and drove back to the small cabin. Levi went to her room, not taking anything with her, and just laid in the bed. Erwin noticed the soles of her feet were brown with dirt. He didn’t register she was barefoot. Erwin brought in the supplies, and threw the blanket and towels in the laundry bin. He walked up to Levi’s room, just standing in the doorway.

            “You should shower, Levi.”

            Nothing.

            “Levi?”

            She didn’t respond, so Erwin approached. Levi was out like a light. Fast asleep. Erwin touched her feet, and noticed she twitched, but didn’t rouse from her sleep. He cleaned her feet a bit, and brought a clean blanket and draped it over her. He smoothed her hair back softly, and noticed her features twitched softly. Erwin recalled that she didn’t like being spooned, and most likely didn’t appreciate the tactile affections, so he quietly stepped out, and left himself to his own thoughts.

            He couldn’t focus on Annie’s case. He was worried about Levi. He sat there, wondering what had happened, and looking over Levi’s clothes and the debris in the car. He cleaned the car until the air got cold and it was too dark to do anything outside. Erwin made himself some food, but could hardly eat. He started to wash the clothes that had accumulated, and noticed Levi’s tanktop and bra were not actually red—they were covered in something red. He shoved it into a sink full of water, and poured hydrogen peroxide. He had a hunch, he just hoped it wasn’t true. When the clothes went in, a froth of reddish-white formed on the clothes. Erwin felt his hair raise on the back of his neck.

            Blood.

            It was stained with blood.

            He thought long and hard. That maybe Levi had nursed her own wounds with her shirt, but even the wounds she sustained wouldn’t have produced that much blood. He tried to think of what else it could be. But he didn’t dare think about it. He didn’t want to believe it. Perhaps Levi came across an injured animal. She did say she was in the forest.

            What had she been doing there anyway?

            She was in a less crowded part of town. At least, where she placed herself was very obscured from public eye. Part of him realized that he was so worried about her safety he hadn’t even questioned what she was doing so far away, and with no known way of getting there. He amused himself with the idea that Levi was a vampire and had eaten someone, or some other strange fantastical plot, but he had a feeling he was just trying to distract himself from whatever the truth was. The foam clung to the edges of the sink. Erwin felt his skin crawling. Only Levi would know what happened. At least, her and anyone who had been around her.

            He let it go. Despite everything telling him he needed to sit down and think about it, he let it go. Erwin just didn’t want to believe the worst. He assumed the worst would be someone hurting Levi, assaulting her. But now he realized it might’ve been a different scenario. Levi might’ve hurt someone else. There was too much blood for it all to be hers. Erwin stripped off his clothing as he stood in the bathroom, and looked to the shower. For a moment, he stared at himself in the mirror over the sink. He looked at himself, naked, for the moment. Virtually scarless save for some surgeries. And the surgeries only reminded him of his age, and how he was way out of Levi’s league. He wasn’t gaunt around the face, but his eyes looked tired, and there were bags under his eyes. He pulled his bangs back, checking for grey hairs, he’d found one around Christmas, but no more had shown. He sighed, looking over himself. He hadn’t been eating properly since the community service thing kicked in, and he had gotten skinnier, and wiry muscled.

            Erwin stepped into the shower quietly. He had a long hot bath, running his fingers through his hair and scrubbing. He felt sore and tired, and he wanted to lay down. He knew he wanted to lay with Levi, check on her, dote on her, but he could imagine vividly how irritated she would be at the very notion of it. Still, he just let his own fantasies run.

            He nearly jumped when he heard a voice, and he had been in the middle of shampooing his hair, so he kept his eyes shut, but blinked them open a few times.

            “Mind if I join you?”

            “Levi?” Erwin murmured. “Sure. If you want.” Her remarked, and washed the shampoo as fast as he could, opening his eyes just in time to see Levi stepping in on the other side of the shower curtain. Her lithe body, now with small injuries. Erwin saw now that she had other scratches on her back, and her sides and hips. She pressed up to Erwin, trying to get into the spray of the shower.

            “You okay?” Erwin asked, stepping back so Levi could have more of the spray of water hitting her.

            “Better.” Levi huffed. “I’m fucking starving… I guess I didn’t eat very much.”

            Erwin watched her. He noticed some mud running down her neck from her hair. And in close proximity, he looked a bit closer. His eyes widened.

            The mud was not exactly mud, but dried up blood that turned reddish-brown in color. There were still some stray pine needles, but Levi slathered shampoo on and soon enough there was no more blood running from her hair.

            “What… what are you hungry for?” Erwin questioned, somewhat pained by his own inaction. He should’ve been asking more questions about what happened. Yet he avoided it again.

            “I guess I can order take out.” Levi mused. “I need something cooked. Not microwaved.”

            Levi groaned a little, massaging her shoulder, Erwin noticed a soft bruising color was there. She ran her fingers though her hair. Erwin came forward, greeted by the warm shower. “Let me help you.”

            Levi made a face, she looked down at herself, and shrugged. “I’m fine. I’m just sore.” She murmured. Then she tilted her head against his chest, gazing at him. “You can finish washing my hair if you want to.

            Erwin was more than willing. He enjoyed it. Touching her, just to feel her, not sexually, but just being around her, and feeling her. Her skin was soft, her hair was silky, it felt like whatever was in it had been washed out. Erwin ran conditioner through her hair, and combed his fingers through. She shut her eyes. Her face looked serene.

            “How long have I been gone?”

            Erwin’s eyebrows raised. That question in itself was worrying. He thought it through, wondering how unaware Levi had been, and more than anything, why she was this way.

            “Five days.” Erwin replied.

            “Christ…” Levi murmured. “None of you called the cops right?”

            “Mike doesn’t count right?”

            Levi opened her eyes just to roll them. “No. Unless you filed a missing persons report with him.”

            “No. Everyone was fairly adamant in assuring me this is typical.”

            “Well, sometimes I need time to myself.” Levi remarked.

            “Do you usually not remember what happened?”

            Levi blinked. She turned around to face Erwin, and tilted her head back in the shower, feeling the conditioner run down her neck.

            “No. I usually remember.”

            “What’s different this time?”

            “I just… I can’t explain what happened.”

            Erwin gazed over her.

            “Levi, there’s so much I don’t know about you.” Erwin’s voice was soft. “Yet I’m sure there isn’t a single thing you don’t know about me.” He wrapped his arms around her, purely going on whatever felt right. He settled his head against her shoulder. A bit awkwardly bent as he embraced her. She wrapped an arm around his neck. Also resting her head on his shoulder.

            “That’s the kind of people we decided to be.”

            Erwin didn’t know what that meant. He realized, he didn’t understand a lot of what was happening in his life as of late. But when Levi leaned in, and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth, he decided to just follow suit. The two of them continued to bite and kiss the other’s lips for a long while, until Erwin turned off the shower, and they toweled each other off, still bumping against each other. Erwin wasn’t sure why, but he lifted Levi by her thighs, and carried her to the bed. Naked, both of them, Erwin didn’t do much in terms of sexual advances. Instead he pulled out some bandages, and started to dress Levi’s wounds, in nothing but a towel, and he crawled into bed beside her.

            Levi initiated it first. It was new to Erwin. It felt new to Levi too. She just propped her head on his shoulder, but it slowly turned to her laying on him, stomach to stomach, her lips on the hollow of his throat. Gentle. Erwin blinks slowly. Levi wraps her arms around him first, and he reciprocates, turning on his side, and feeling Levi press against him as he does it.

            “Levi…” He murmured softly. Again, he feels himself sinking into instincts, just being guided. “Thank you…” he shut his eyes when he says it.

            “For what?”

            “For being here.” Erwin replied. “I’m glad we met. Strange a meeting as it was.”

            She doesn’t say anything for a long time.

            “Go to sleep.” She muttered. “You’re not thinking straight.”

            “Unfortunately I am.” Erwin returned. “I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. I’m just glad you’re here.”

            “You’re in a bad fuckin place if you think I’m good company.” She murmured. Levi sat up, gazing outside. “I’m ordering Chinese food. You want something?”

            Erwin took that as some sort of way of communicating. He hadn’t felt this way about someone in a while. He hadn’t felt how lonely he had been in a while. So he agreed easily to her request, and soon she was wrapped in a bathrobe, on the phone with some restaurant in Seattle. Erwin changed into some pajamas, and sat on the couch, opening his iBook to actually do some work for once. He’d been dealing through editing an article about abuse from healthcare and authorities in America, but he found himself not able to focus. Now he was a bit more content. He worked quietly all while Levi leaned her head on his left shoulder, and propped her feet up on the armrest of the couch.

            They ate quietly. It was nice to just be quiet, and calm, and not really talk about anything. Erwin didn’t call anyone to tell them Levi was okay. Instead Levi just sent out an email that she still had a pulse. She sent it to Nanaba and Hanji. Erwin just figured he could tell Mike later. They eat their fill and lay in bed together. Erwin realizes he’s overcome with relief that Levi is safe, and it’s almost saddening how much it had been bugging him. How scared he was for her safety. But for now he just laid beside her, watching her slowly nod off in bed, and fell asleep beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder as his thumb caressed her cheek, coaxing her to sleep.

* * *

 

Erwin awoke quite suddenly, and instinctively thought he was back in Maryland, alone, in a single bed. The reality caught up with him a second later, and he was sitting in Levi’s bed, sitting up straight. He had instinctively leaned towards Levi, who was still asleep, but starting to wake herself. In Maryland, where Levi was laying would’ve been where Erwin’s cellphone was. Erwin realized what woke him was the sound of a phone ringing. He was so used to being called so frequently back home, that it surprised him that he was still in Seattle. Erwin swung his legs off the bed, and reached out towards the nightstand, ripping the cellphone off the charger. He brought the phone to his ear, not checking the number.

            “Hello?”

            “Hello sir.”

            Erwin wasn’t familiar with the voice. He sat up straight, confused as to why the stranger was contacting him.

            “Who is this?” he asked.

            “My name is Rico, I work at the Portland Medical Center. May I speak to Erwin Smith?”

            “This is him.” Erwin replied.

            “Okay.” She breathed softly into the phone. “Are you alone sir?”

            Erwin glanced to Levi. She was still sleeping.

            “Yes. Why?” He asked.

            “I would ask you to make sure you’re in a private place before I tell you this.”

            Erwin glanced back, he didn’t mind Levi there, conscious or not. “Okay. I’m listening.”

            “Erwin… this is…” the woman sighed deeply. “I’m sorry sir, this is about your son. Manfred.”

            Erwin sighed deeply. He massaged the bridge of his nose. “Don’t tell me he got alcohol poisoning again.” He huffed.

            “No sir.”

            He cringed. “Please tell me it’s not a DUI again. Did he get into an accident?”

            “No sir.” Rico seemed strangled, and Erwin realized her voice broke quietly. “I’m so sorry sir.” Her voice was genuine with pain and discomfort. And an overwhelming sense of dread came over Erwin, before her words confirmed his fear.

“Your son is dead. He’s been murdered.”


	9. Like Smoke

 They had called Lucia first. Erwin entered the hospital morgue, and found her, inconsolable, weeping with their daughter. When she wiped the tears from her eyes long enough to get a look at him, she buried herself into the side of his neck. Lucia wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him, her nails digging into his shirt. She still wore the same perfume. He hadn’t noticed back at Christmas.

            Erwin sat with Lucia, and Gertrude, who also curled up close to her father, and cried against her knees. The doctors said they could barely identify Manfred. One hand was missing, and the hand they found, as they put it, was not fingerprint traceable, so they had to off of dental. Because of this, they refused to show Lucia and Gertrude the man’s body. Lucia had mascara smeared around her eyes, so Erwin produced some tissues, and dabbed her eyes. She looked so different. Since their divorce, Erwin rarely came around, and rarely looked Lucia in the eye. She was older, like himself, Erwin felt, she was beautiful still, even as her age showed. The wrinkles around her lips, at the corners of her eyes. Her hair wasn’t brushed, neither had she brushed on makeup as usual. Her hair was cut just below her ears, a very short bob cut. Her steel gaze was gone, she had her eyes shut. Just like their divorce, Erwin didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He just sat there; except this time, he was holding her instead of keeping his distance. It felt nice to be around her again. He just didn’t want it to be in this situation.

            When the autopsy doctor stepped out, she smelt of all sorts of chemicals, and was carrying a paper. She had silver-white hair, also bob cut, and large glasses.

            “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” She spoke. “I just send some samples of his blood.”

            “I want to see him.” Erwin was the only one who could speak at the moment.

            The woman widened her eyes, not in shock, but concern. “Sir. I understand you want to see your son… but… I cannot allow you. You don’t want to see him like this. It’s too much.”

            “He’s my son.” Erwin felt a bitter and dark seriousness in his voice, the part of him that was a father was back all of a sudden, and the urgency to remind others of this fact was in him. “I need to know. I’ve seen gore before. I can handle it.”

            “I’m not sure you can handle this.” The woman spoke, but she was starting to sway. She didn’t want to fight Erwin. Probably too used to this song and dance; or, perhaps unused to this, not sure how to go about the situation.

            “Erwin. Please.” Lucia had held in her tears long enough to speak to Erwin, but her voice broke, and she choked on a sob. “Don’t be like this.”

            Erwin knelt down before her. He grasped her hand, and tried to ignore the fact that there was a ring on her finger, and leaned in. “Lucy.” He murmured. “I need to see him. I need to know.”

            Lucia blinked, her long lashes were plastered with tears. Her cheeks were red, and she dabbed her running nose. She pulled her hand away from him, slow, not out of anger, just a resigned state. She said nothing. Erwin looked to the autopsy doctor. He rose to his feet. The doctor stepped back.

            “Very well.” She replied. “But if it’s too much, please step outside. Let me explain first.”

            Erwin glanced to his family, and headed into the morgue, shutting the door behind him. There was a sharp antiseptic smell. There were other doctors washing their hands off in the sink, scrubbing yellow-orange soap up to their elbows. They glanced back at Erwin, confused by his presence, and, realizing who he was, went very quiet. Erwin immediately looks around. He can see him. He can tell its Manfred’s face underneath a thin white cloth that was draped over him, but the rest of his form is not humanoid.

            “All I can tell you so far, is that we found no poison in his system. He wasn’t drugged. He wasn’t drunk. It seems he was conscious when it… happened.”

            “Where did they find the body?” Erwin said it more like a command, and the woman felt so inclined to answer him.

            “I’m not sure on the specifics, but somewhere along the Willamette River. A dog-walker found him, and reported it to the PPD. They’re in questioning right now, I think.” She explained. “He was floating for a while. From what I see, he was this way for about a day and a half. The cold kept him in tact and—sir, excuse me.” The pathologist followed him with her eyes wide as Erwin started to walk over to the table. “Don’t touch him, please, this is still an ongoing investigation. Sir—”

            Erwin pulled the sheet off his son.

            In seconds he was on his knees.

            The very sight of his son made Erwin’s eyes widen, his face twisted up at the sight, and the sheet fell out of his hands. Erwin barely felt the impact of the hard cold cement on his knees. He clapped his hand over his mouth, and nearly heaved. Erwin felt like he was about to vomit. Manfred’s face had been chewed at by bugs, and possibly other animals. His eyes were half-lidded and reddish-purple where it should’ve been white, his jaw shut, throat torn open, one of his ears were missing. His arms were taken all the way past his elbows. His torso had a strange cut because the autopsy doctors couldn’t figure out how they should open him up. There were parts missing. His intestines were sitting in an evidence bag outside of his body. His liver was gone. His pancreas in another bag. Manfred’s right hand was sitting where it should’ve been attached to his arm, but it was just there. Erwin heaved again. That was not his son. That was not his son.

            Erwin sat there on his knees, head fuzzy while he tried not to puke. He thought of the other time he was this floored in a hospital. But his head was buzzing with happiness. Erwin was almost 20, still young, and married at a very young age in what was practically a shotgun wedding. But he promised he loved Lucia. And he’d love his children. It’s a boy, it was a boy. He’d told Mike and Nile first. Marie was still just his girlfriend at the time.

            He was named after Erwin’s father, and Lucia’s grandfather. Manfred Wilhelm Smith. He was underweight, born premature, Lucia held him in her arms and cried until she slept. And Erwin held the little child while she slept, letting the boy hold on his little silver band that was his wedding ring. No idea his son would fail most of his writing classes, get diagnosed with dyslexia, only to be battered with more mental illnesses as a pre-teen, become an alcoholic, and get murdered, just before his 23 birthday.

            Erwin imagined Manfred was about five or six when he decided he wanted to be an astronaut. And what little money Erwin had at the time, he tried to make things work. He covered his room in glow in the dark stars and at night he would sit in the backyard with Manfred sitting on his stomach, and Manfred would point out the constellations he knew, which would be only Cassiopeia, the Pleiades, and Orion, all of which he couldn’t spell.

            And where he was now caught up to Erwin the way a train catches up to a roadblock, and it hits him hard, and soon he’s gasping, he feels bile rise in his throat, and he vomits. He vomits so hard he actually cried. He’s on his knees, gasping, a bit shocked of what he’d done. He’s disgusted with himself. That he couldn’t handle it. That he couldn’t look any longer. One of the doctors rushed to cover Manfred’s body, and one brought Erwin over to the sink in case he vomited again. He didn’t. He just panted, and spat the acidic taste out of his mouth before rinsing his mouth with the sink water. His hand was clenching his stomach, just below his ribcage, where Manfred would usually sit while they stargazed.

            “I’m so sorry sir.” The autopsy woman didn’t cry at the sight of him, no, years of an iron will and professional grieving had kept her senses intact, and kept her able to continue. “Your son didn’t deserve such a horrific fate.”

            He can’t respond. Erwin can’t think straight. He just splashes water on his face, getting it in his hair, and he pants, trying to calm himself after what just happened. He clears his mind. He drives out any thoughts of glow-in-the-dark stars and astronauts. Erwin stands up straight, and dabs his mouth with a paper towel. “No. I’m sorry.” He speaks up. “I… I’ve made a mess.”

            “You couldn’t help it.” She responded.

            “Tell me.”

            The woman looked perplexed.

            “Tell me what you know. What happened.”

            “I… I’m not sure I can sir, this is turning into an investigation—”

            “This is my son.” Erwin spoke firm, and tense, and his eyes could cut glass. She tensed up at that solid blue expression. “I’m going to find out. I want to know now.”

            The woman clammed up. She stepped away, after gesturing to a trash bin where Erwin could ditch the paper towels. She grasped her clipboard with an outline of the front and back of a body. He saw where she scribbled out Manfred’s arms and legs, since they weren’t there. She started.

            “It doesn’t look like he struggled initially. The first couple of attacks are done fairly suddenly. He doesn’t show any fighting back marks, at least not at first.” She explained quickly, and reviewed her notes. “No sign of any alcohol, nor any drugs. It shows that he started to struggle suddenly though—it… it appears like he woke up to it or something. Since he wasn’t drugged, I checked for head injuries, or suffocation. It was hard to tell, but nothing from the way his body looked suggested he was suffocated or knocked unconscious.”

            “How did he die?”

            Erwin felt numb asking. He’d asked these questions for Annie, and he remembered Nile’s hesitation, his long winded responses, his tears, and Erwin all of a sudden understood. He felt guilt for being impatient for Nile. He knew now what exactly Nile was going through.

            “Circulatory shock.”

            Erwin could choke. Manfred bled to death. Just like Annie.

            “Someone cut his jugular, so it seems it was instantaneous, right after… everything else that was done.” She explained. “He… His neck was broken. He didn’t die from that, but he was paralyzed. I’m not sure if this was done first, but perhaps that’s why it appears he didn’t struggle at first.” She paused, feeling unsure about going on. “However… it wouldn’t make sense as to how he struggled later on. So it would make more sense that it happened later. Most likely after they removed his intestines.”

            Erwin felt himself heave again.

            “I’m sorry. I’ll stop sir.”

            “No. Tell me everything you can.” Erwin’s voice was strained. He needed to know, but knowing was killing him all the same. “What else is important? Is there… is there any leads?”

            “Yes. There’s only one sir.” She explained. “Your son, when he struggled, it looked like he clawed the killer with his fingernails. Probably why the hands were… removed. But I was able to gather some of the skin under his nails. Unfortunately, we haven’t gotten a single match from them so far, at least, last I heard from forensics.”

            “So the killer got injured? Is there anything at all that you found?”

            The woman shook her head. Erwin nodded solemnly. The other doctors were mopping up around the table where Erwin’s sick was all over the floor. She guided Erwin back to the door, and then stopped, looking at one singular note on her papers.

            “There is one thing.” She remarked.

            “What?” Erwin was halfway through the door as she said it.

            “It… it’s really nothing to go on if we don’t get DNA.” She explained. “But… the skin found under your son’s nails… it seemed to be knee skin.”

            Erwin’s blood ran cold. For a moment, in the doorway, his vision caught the woman’s gaze, and she looked helplessly to him. Wondering if her information would help ease him at all. He felt like vomiting all over again. Erwin found himself close to fainting, and collapsed down in the chair beside his daughter. They looked to him, asking questions, Lucia and Gertrude, but they may as well have been across the hall. Their voices were so distant and lost in Erwin’s mind. Though it only happened yesterday night, he could hardly recall anything about Levi’s appearance anymore. Now, all he could imagine, was Levi laying naked in bed after she showered, while Erwin wrapped a fresh bandage over her injured knee.

* * *

 

_Your dreadful suspicion can lead to a very dreadful reality._

Hanji’s words pulsed in his head. Erwin couldn’t bring himself to think she had any idea. Then again, he never found any of them to be trustworthy. Even Levi… he couldn’t think it properly. He couldn’t think Levi was untrustworthy. He wanted to believe she was there to help him. Why would she help solve Annie’s case? Why would she murder his son? Why would the murders be so similar?

            The thoughts continued to spin around. Why wouldn’t she answer his questions yesterday? Why was her shirt covered in blood? Why was she only in her underwear? Why was she soaking wet when there was no sign of rain or snow? Why was she by the Willamette river?

            Erwin looked at the notes he scribbled in the details of his sons last moments and post death. Manfred was picked up in the same river. Not even a mile away from where Erwin picked up Levi. Manfred’s body parts were found around Forest Park… which was across the river from Cathedral park, connected by a bridge…

            The same one he found Levi at.

            His blood was ice in his veins. Erwin’s day was long after this, and consisted of phone calls to family, friends, acquaintances of Manfred. Yet Levi was all that was on his mind. Erwin felt disgusted in himself, unable to think of his own son in a time like this. Manfred had been murdered. There was no mistaking that. Levi was in the exact same area Manfred was found. They were not far apart around the same time. Erwin could curse himself, he’d already cleaned Levi’s bloodsoaked shirt, so there wouldn’t be a way to test if it was Manfred’s blood. He groaned in frustration audibly. Why? Erwin asked over and over. Why would Levi do this? What motive would she have?

            Once the calling started to settle, and there was fewer emails coming in to Erwin, from his colleagues, telling him how sorry they were to hear the news, and after Erwin had spent a long amount of time with his daughter and ex-wife, he retreated to the hotel room. Erwin did not want to bother his sister or ex-wife, and honestly wanted to be alone. The flood of apologies and condolences were only tiring.

            Erwin had to wear long-sleeved shirts wherever he went because of the injury from Levi. It still looked like a self-harm wound, and Erwin was sure the scar would form looking like that was what it was supposed to be. The scar also serving another reminder. Levi was not harmless. She could’ve easily killed him with a small stroke of that kitchen knife. That only added to the long list of possibilities that stacked in front of Levi. Yet Erwin couldn’t believe it. Everything connected perfectly, but Erwin refused.

            After laying in bed for a long while, and not being able to sleep at all, Erwin finally settled on just asking Levi. It seemed preposterous that Levi would actually confess, but he wanted to hear it from her. He wanted to be able to believe her.

            The number however, only went to voicemail. Levi didn’t even have a message recorded. Erwin left a message.

            “Levi, it’s Erwin. Sorry I got up and left without saying anything. I need to talk to you. In person. Call me back.”

            After that, Erwin promptly turned the phone off. He tossed and turned in bed for some time, and eventually settled on one side. That night, he had a very vivid dream of his son’s mutilated corpse in his hands, and it was him killing Manfred. Erwin ended up shooting up out of bed in a cold sweat. He felt like he’d throw up again. He grabbed a cup of tea at a 24/7 minimart, some nausea medicine, and drank it down before retiring back to bed. By the time he back asleep, he forgot what his dream was.

* * *

 

Erwin woke suddenly to a knock on his hotel room door. He shot up, bedraggled and half-asleep after the medicine he’d been taking so he could actually get himself to sleep. It was only the morning of his second day back in Portland. He was in his pajamas, sweatpants and a tanktop. Erwin shuffled over to the door, and glanced through the peephole. Erwin’s eyes widened slightly.

            He opened the door, confirming what he saw was real.

            “Mike?”

            “Erwin.” Mike was standing in the door way, out of his SPD uniform and in casual clothing. It had to have been six in the morning. Mike dropped his suitcase and threw his arms around Erwin without a word, and pulled Erwin into his chest. Erwin felt Mike press his head slight against Erwin’s head. “I’m so sorry.”

            “Mike.” Erwin breathed, Mike smelt like coffee and airplane peanuts. His stubble scraped Erwin’s forehead, and Erwin buried himself into his old friend’s chest. They stayed that way for a long moment, until Mike exhaled, and released Erwin, and Erwin slowly did the same.

            “How’d you get here?” Erwin asked.

            “I’d been calling. Your phone was off. Lucia told me.”

            Erwin’s stomach was twisting, but he didn’t change his expression in front of Mike. Mike glanced inward, looking at the hotel room.

            “You aren’t staying with Lucia?”

            “I…” Erwin looked at himself. “It didn’t feel right. I needed to be alone.”

            “You should be over there.” Mike remarked.

            “I feel sick when I am.” Erwin replied. “We just finished his funeral plans today.”

            Mike frowned, and looked down at Erwin. “Erwin…”

            “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”

            Mike nodded, and said nothing for a while, most people didn’t know what to say other than sorry. Mike grabbed his suitcase again. “Do you mind, if I come inside?”

            “No.” Erwin shook his head, and stepped back, giving Mike access to the hotel room. Erwin shut the door behind him, and Mike looked around. It was a small place, not very expensive. One full sized bed, a T.V., a small bathroom with a tub. One window in the bathroom, and a small balcony, overlooking a grey city. Mike looked back to Erwin.

            “What on earth happened?”

            “He was murdered.” Erwin explained. He sat at the foot of the full sized bed. “They explained everything to me, I wrote it down, recorded some of it.” Erwin gestured to the nightstand which held his notes about his son. “Lucia said they last saw Manfred four days ago. He went out for a walk. Since he started going to AA he tries to exercise and get out of the house. He usually goes around the evening, comes back around night. He had been getting better. He was clean. Even when he died.”

            “He wasn’t drugged or anything?”

            “They checked.” Erwin nodded. “Nothing. Hardly any of it makes any sense. It says on the reports that Manfred didn’t struggle while he was getting mutilated—”

            “What? Mutilated?” Mike leaned in towards Erwin, and sat down on the bed with him.

            “Yes.” Erwin nodded, and swallowed thickly. “He was cut into pieces, and his organs got taken… some of them.”

            Mike stared. “So he… he was killed like Annie?”

            Erwin nodded. “Almost identical, except what was taken was different. Annie was her eyes and her kidneys. The killer took Manfred’s liver and one of his ears.”

            “Do you think they’re coming after you?”

            Erwin raised his brow. “What do you mean?”

            “I’ve seen it happen a few times. To detectives, sometimes police.” Mike replied. “They start to solve a case, and they wind up dead, or something they love winds up dead. It’s to scare them into stopping.”

            Erwin was silent, glancing to Mike, and back to his notes. “Do you think that’s what this is?”

            “Nile hired you to figure out Annie’s case, right?” Mike replied. “Nanaba told me. Maybe… maybe the killer found out.”

            Erwin’s thoughts go back to Levi again. He can’t say anything about her. She would’ve known for a long time if she was the killer. Why would she take three months to retaliate? His stomach wrenched. Unless Erwin was onto something?

            “You think they’re trying to scare me?” Erwin responded.

            “They want to hurt you.” Mike replied. “I’m sure of it.”

            Erwin truly felt stumped at the thought. He clutched the bedsheets. “What should I do?”

            “Drop this.”

            “What?”

            “I know you’re not the type. You’ve had your life threatened for publishing articles at Humanity. But this is different. These aren’t death threats. This is a real killer, who takes pleasure in destroying his victims.” Mike’s voice was thick with seriousness. He stressed his words to Erwin. “I know you wouldn’t give up on this, but you’re not a detective, you’re not a forensic specialist, you’re not even a cop. You’re a reporter. Nile shouldn’t have asked something like this of you.”

            “Mike, this is different.” Erwin replied. “The case went cold for Annie, and it’ll go cold for Manfred too if I don’t—”

            “You have too much to lose.” Mike’s voice was sharp, almost commanding, and Erwin went silent. “They already took your son. Don’t push back. This person… they don’t care about who they hurt, and they are targeting you.”

            “Why would they target Annie then?” Erwin returned. “They had no reason to hurt Nile, did they?”

            Mike made a face, and he scratched his head. “I don’t know Erwin. It was completely random in that case. I don’t know why. But I know that people don’t like to get caught, so even if they murdered Annie at random, they would still not want to get caught.”

            “But this isn’t the first time.” Erwin explained. “Or the second time. Annie was… Mike, I didn’t tell anyone but Nile and Levi, but there’s something Annie knew about this. She had dates written in her diary, and initials. Names. Levi was able to pinpoint what we think she was talking about. There were three other murders that were similar. Mike, they were almost exactly like hers—and she knew some of those people. A boy named Armin, they used to talk before she was killed. And he was killed before her, not too long ago—”

            “Erwin.” Mike spoke up. “If that… if you think that’s true, then that only means the killer had more reason to kill Annie—I’m not saying I stand by it. I want to catch this killer. I want them dead too. If you think Annie knew something about this, then that only serves my point.”

            “So did my son know something?”

            “No. You knew something, Erwin.” Mike replied. His eyes were fixated on Erwin, eyebrows beetled.

            “Then why wouldn’t they kill me?” and as soon as he says it, Erwin’s mind is back on Levi again. He really did like her. Maybe she liked him too? She wouldn’t do something like this. She wouldn’t. Erwin swore up and down to himself.

            “They’re sending a warning. They want to hurt you.”

            “They didn’t send Annie a warning.”

            “We don’t know that.” Mike replied. “And we don’t know how this killer operates. You can’t just expect them to have any rhyme or reason. This is nonsensical killing, Erwin, you can’t risk it.”

            “Then what do I do?” Erwin looked into Mike’s eyes, and for a moment, he felt truly lost. A sensation of a child who has lost their parents, unable to find their way back home. Erwin’s confusion was palpable, and Mike reached out, and grabbed Erwin’s hand tight.

            “Let this case go.” Mike replied. “You have a family. You have a career. They will destroy everything you have worked for.” Mike was far too used to years of murders and accidents and freakish stories, and Erwin could see it in his old friend’s eyes. “You plan Manfred’s funeral. You do what you think is best. Spend some time with your family. Finish you community service, and then you leave. Go back to Maryland. The killer won’t follow you. Especially if you give up. This is my job; it should be in my hands. I’m supposed to be catching these sorts of people, not you. This is out of your league. You write magazine articles, Erwin. Don’t let your family get picked off because you’re angry. Your son… he’s gone Erwin.” Mike stressed it, with a tinge of pain in his voice, in the truth of the whole situation. “Don’t let them take anyone else from you.”

            “I don’t want them to get you.” Erwin returned, squeezing Mike’s hand back. “I wish you’d stop thinking because you don’t have a family that you don’t matter as much.”

            Mike shut his eyes and scoffed. “I never said that.”

            “You don’t have to. You act like it.”

            “I value my life if that’s what you’re saying.” Mike replied. “But I don’t have as much to lose. I never did. I’m keeping it that way because that’s what I want, okay?”

            Erwin stays quiet for a long time. He nods. Mike leans into Erwin, and wraps his arms around him again, pressing Erwin to his chest. For the first time in a while, Erwin’s really not sure what to do anymore. Where to go. He feels drained, so he allows himself to feel that way. He doesn’t want to talk about Manfred, because it’s too much, and it’s too sudden. He asks Mike to stay with him. Mike agrees easily, cancelling his hotel reservations. Erwin spends a long time against Mike’s chest, unable to sleep, unable to think, unable to feel. He wanted to think that Manfred would be in his mind, but it wasn’t. It was Levi.

            He couldn’t believe it. He refused. Levi had been… she had been a mystery to him, but Erwin liked her. He really did adore her. He liked to believe Levi felt something similar to him. That day he brought Levi back. He held her in his arms for a long time, and coaxed her to sleep, for the first time she didn’t mind being held while she slept. Why would she kill his son? Why did she disappear for five days? While Manfred had vanished for three… Erwin’s stomach was in knots, and he didn’t want to think about it anymore. But he didn’t allow himself to stop. His mind was spinning with so many different whys that he couldn’t think straight. The only thing grounding him was Mike’s arms, and his heartbeat.

            “I’m sorry.” Mike whispered. “I’m sorry this had to happen to you.”

            Erwin isn’t sure what to say anymore. He just shuts his eyes, and presses his face against Mike’s shoulder. He falls asleep there, in Mike’s arms. His dreams are the same again, except this time, Manfred is not the corpse, he is, and Levi stands over him, mutilating him. And even when she's right before him, he doesn’t believe it’s true.

* * *

 

The ocean was twisting blackish blue. The weather was terrible and the rain pelted them in the frigid February winds. At least four-hundred people attended the funeral. Manfred’s graduating class, Erwin’s family, Lucia’s family, many of which Erwin had not seen in a while. Even with the death of his son, Erwin could still tell there was hostility simply because of the divorce. Lucia understood, and she never objected it. That didn’t stop people from twisting their own fantasies as to why they separated. But Erwin didn’t think about it. Nile had also attended, as well as Marie, their children stayed behind. Nile and Erwin talked for a long while. Marie and Lucia did as well. The unfortunate fact that they were all in the same boat. Parents with a dead child. A murdered child.

            Erwin noticed Gertrude was gone for a long while, and started searching the church for her. She was alone, in the primary school room that Lucia would take them too. She was crying, sitting in the corner with the lights off. She wanted to be alone. Erwin held her, just looking down at her dyed cherry red hair. She cried her makeup off onto his white button up shirt. He held her, and said nothing. He wasn’t sure there was anything he could say.

            Somehow, Gertrude could keep her eyes on the coffin while the cremator burned Manfred. She cried, but she still watched. Erwin couldn’t do it. The window was very small, and the flames were hot enough that even Gertrude was sweating for standing in front of it for so long. The funeral director gave a remark about her being strong. They both were. Erwin said only that. They both were.

            Now out on the Oregon coastline, Erwin felt the freezing wind, and stood by Gertrude while the boat began to speed farther out into calmer waters. The splash of sea water and pelting rain didn’t bother Gertrude. She was soaking wet, clutching the urn. Erwin asked if she wanted to let it go into the sea. She agreed. Gertrude had put together a lot of the funeral, she knew Manfred her whole life. Manfred’s girlfriend also helped. Erwin never met her, and at the end of the day he never learned her name. It only reminded him how detached he was to his children. Manfred was his son. But Erwin was certainly not his father. He did nothing to show such a title.

            Gertrude lifted the urn in the air, and tilted it over the back of the boat. The greyish-white powder caught in the wind, and rain plastered it to the side of the boat. Most of it flew into the ocean. It churned and churned inside the sea. Gertrude fell to her knees and started to cry. Erwin held the urn, letting some of the rain catch in it, and wash out the rest of the ashes, then he released it into the sea. Gertrude was crying because she missed. She told Erwin over and over. Erwin saw the ashes plastered to the inside of the back of the boat. The rain fell and fell, and soon enough it washed away into the sea like everything else. He told her it was okay. The rain would take it away. The ocean would take it away. It would take everything away. Erwin watched the ocean, noting flecks of grey in the shimmering blackish-blue water, and it twisted into nothing, and as soon as what was once his son had hit the water, it was gone.

* * *

 

Levi didn’t have an appointment with her guardian like she had told Erwin. She had a lot more going on in her life than that. When Erwin got up and left all of a sudden, Levi wasn’t exactly sure what it meant. Although, she had a sneaking suspicion of what was about to come. She just didn’t want to believe it. Sure enough, the news came in quickly. Erwin’s son was dead. It was on the news, and the PPD and SPD both had warrants out for the arrest of the murderer, who they believed was connected. There were pictures of Manfred, with Erwin, and his ex-wife, all of which Levi already knew about. She had just never seen pictures of them. No wonder he looked so much like Erwin. Her gut wrenched at the thought.

            The DNA samples that was assumed to be the killer of Annie Dawk, and the killer of Manfred Smith were both a match, but the identity of who it belonged to was still unidentified. Levi breathed a sigh of relief at that. They wouldn’t find her. Not any time soon. But it worried her too. She couldn’t stop thinking about the corpse. About Manfred. When it came to Annie, Levi couldn’t say she knew for a fact that she killed her. But for him… Levi knew she had done it. She landed the killing blow. But had she mutilated him the same as Annie? Had she done both of these crimes? Why? She asked herself over and over. Why? Why? Why?

            But no answers were coming to Levi easily. So she’d have to figure out everything for herself. Erwin had been a big help, and finding out that there were other similar murders made Levi feel a bit better, but her memories were shot. Maybe she had killed those other people too? She refused to believe it.

            Levi caught a bus back to her house so she could retrieve the motorcycle. She went inside her house, and found the film of Nick and her. She found other documents, receipts and tax papers stored in her house. She found some pictures of her and other people. Friends, her mother, some of the foster families that were kind, some of Pixis. Nanaba and Hanji and even some of Mike and her other friends she’d made in Seattle. She hoped she could make herself a new person, she could be herself in this town. But she was wrong. She was still broken, still messed up inside, and now, she feared, she couldn’t even control it. She looked around her house, and double checked everything, finding all her effects, all her clothes, her CD’s, and realizing she had to abandon them. She exited the house, considering whether or not she should burn it down. One thing kept her sane as she started to load all these personal items into her motorcycle’s carrying box.

            The ghost. Or, the other version of herself she saw six days prior. The one that spoke to her. Terrified her. It was Levi, at least, it looked like her, but, they acted separately from Levi. There had to be some justification. Something Levi was missing. That person, that ghost, whatever it was, it couldn’t have been real. And the bells…

            Levi grasped the back of her head, nearly falling off her motorcycle. She was able to pull over on the side of the road in time, and parked just so she could fall to her knees and breathe. Thinking too much was killing her. The throb in the back of her head faded slowly. She physically didn’t want to think anything about the whole situation. She had to connect this later. She needed peace, and that also meant peace of mind, and she knew what she had to do, even if she didn’t want to do it.

            Levi drove herself to a storage container place. She paid in full for two years, but only for a small locker instead of a huge storage space. She stashed her personal documents in there, as well as the video. She bought a metal box to keep it in, and locked them away. Her journals were mostly copied to her computer, she had scanned them long ago, but she wasn’t sure it mattered. She wanted to believe that maybe her journals could help stitch together her terrible memory loss, perhaps, it could stitch together the messed up parts of her life, but she found that nothing would fix that.

            She returned to the cabin, where many of Erwin’s things still were. Photos of Annie were still stuck to the walls, and Levi found the message Erwin left for her finally after everything she took care of was done.

            _“Levi, it’s Erwin. Sorry I got up and left without saying anything. I need to talk to you. In person. Call me back.”_

            Levi sat on the edge of her bed, and breathed a heavy sigh. She thought long and hard about what she was about to do. She had confidence that she knew what she was doing. She had to do this alone.

            And yet, she wanted to believe Erwin would be on her side. That he would trust her, listen to her. Believe her even.

            “Yeah right.” She hissed to herself. “You’re a fucking murderer.”

            His son was dead, and at her hands. There was no escaping that. Erwin wouldn’t be on her side if he knew, and she had a feeling he already knew, especially after everything.

            Levi sat on her bed, and propped the laptop open. She started to write an email, and the words fell into place about what she wanted to say.

<valkyrie-blixt999>

Erwin,

I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. We can’t meet face to face. It wouldn’t be a good idea. I know what you want to ask me. Why was I in Portland, why was I gone the same time your son was killed, why I was hurt, why there was so much blood, why I didn’t say anything. I can’t answer these questions. I’m not sure what the truth is. I didn’t even know your son. With you as his father, I’m sure he was a good person.

Annie, Armin, Bertolt, Reiner, Manfred, these people are piling up. They didn’t deserve to die. Erwin, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t expect you to believe me. There’s no point in arguing. Talking to me won’t get anywhere, I’ll tell you that much. I want to tell you I’m innocent. I want to tell you I don’t know what’s happening. But neither of us are that incompetent. You wouldn’t believe me if I tried.

Please don’t follow me.

The Valkyrie

* * *

 

            Where Levi went, Erwin never learned. She sent her email at four in the morning. Erwin called her phone, and instead of the voicemail, something entirely different came up instead. It was a female voice, spitting out a generic recording.

_"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."_

            Erwin emailed Levi, he typed out whatever he could muster as an answer and sent her an email back.

<humanitymag.esmith>

Levi, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I want to talk to you. I need to hear your point of view. Of course I would believe you. I need to know what’s going on.

If you know something about what happened to my son, I need to know. I need to talk to you. Please write back to me.

            When Erwin sent the message, another email came back immediately, but not one he wanted to see.

_Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:_

_ <valkyrie-blixt999>_

_Technical details of permanent failure:_

_We tried to deliver your message, but it was rejected by the server for the recipient domain._

_The error that the other server returned was:_

_550-5.1.1 The email account that you tried to reach does not exist._

            Erwin sat there for a long time with his laptop. After the day passed, Erwin decided what he had to do. He told Nile he would catch a flight back to Seattle with him. He explained to Nile, that he wasn’t sure he could keep going with this case. Nile understood, apparently he had talked to Mike as well. Mike had already flown back after the funeral. A week had passed since. Erwin couldn’t make it acceptable for him to leave, but he had reasons he couldn’t explain. Lucia didn’t say anything. Gertrude was heartbroken, but he could tell she wasn’t surprised. Erwin knew his family held him at little value, and they had every right to.

            Erwin returned to the cabin first after borrowing Nile’s car. A lot of Levi’s belongings were still there, though a fair amount of the clothes was missing. One of Erwin’s suitcases was missing. Some of the food was taken as well, even his portable printer. Levi didn’t even have the courtesy to leave a note explaining why.

            Instead, there was a couple hundred dollars on Erwin’s bed, enough for a suitcase and a printer and then some. Erwin called Hanji. He called Nanaba. But all of them were just as confused as him. He even called the secretary at the office of Levi’s guardian’s office. None of them had a clue where Levi was. Both Hanji and Nanaba elected to help Erwin, they found her cellphone had been disconnected the next morning after she emailed Erwin. Her email had been disconnected exactly after she sent the email to Erwin at four in the morning. She had removed six-thousand dollars from her account; it was all the money she had. It gave no indication of where she was. Erwin checked Levi’s house, it had been methodically swept through, but it didn’t look like Levi took anything save for a few books on her empty shelves and some CDs.

            She was gone.

            So Erwin left. He retired the case of Annie Dawk. He flew back to Maryland after three more weeks of community service. His colleagues welcomed him warmly back to his place, and Erwin settled back to his old desk, back in his old job. Erwin called at least once a week, to inquire about Levi to Nanaba, and to Levi’s workplace, if they had heard anything. Soon that became once a month. Erwin had reports to publish about authority abuse, health care abuse, human trafficking, sex trafficking, slave labor in United States prisons, he was up to his eyes in papers and articles and book ideas. Erwin had no time to think about the incident in Seattle, only the blistering pain of his son’s sudden death; and the emptiness of Levi disappearing, like she was never there at all.

 


	10. Drifting Tides

_One Year Later_

* * *

 

It’s the anniversary of his son’s death, and Erwin stood on the Oregon coastline, a fair distance from the shore break. He dressed himself for the frigid ice wind in a calf-length brown trench coat, a blue scarf, long black pants, and a white turtleneck. It’s still freezing despite this. Erwin hadn’t been back to the place that they spread Manfred’s ashes until now. He didn’t contact his ex-wife or his daughter to tell them he was coming. In fact, Erwin doesn’t tell anyone.

            The sky is grey, storm clouds meshing with dense white fog on the coast. The forest is thick with dark brown-black from the rain, lichen and moss looking electric green in comparison, the sea raging in the cold winter. The smell of salt is on the air, and the wind chill is enough to turn one’s face numb. Nobody is there. Just Erwin stood out there. He’s not sure what he expected. Part of him wondered if he should’ve buried Manfred instead, but he preferred to think of his ashes having already reached every corner of the world by now. The Pacific Ocean currents separating every piece of him.

            And Erwin reminds himself that he is dead. That his son is not travelling the world, in any physical or metaphorical way. His son is dead.

            Erwin contemplated for a moment, while he feels the sand whipping his face in the harsh wind, if he should just go home. Erwin’s not entirely sure what home is. Nothing really feels like a home anymore, not that he really had that feeling until recently. Certainly his ex-wife’s house, what was once their house, was not a home. Not the house of his elder sister, where they grew up in. His apartment in Maryland didn’t have to be mentioned. It was more like a storage room than a place that was lived in. No, Erwin felt an unfortunate pain that home was Nile’s vacation cabin, with Levi, almost one year ago. He liked to think he was more mature. That he could say honestly that she was not on his mind. But it was hard to think of times when she was not on his mind.

            Erwin walked through the forest, back towards the path, the sound of the waves splashing and the wind howling leaves him. When he entered the rental car, he grooms his hair instinctively, noting the few bits of grey hairs that was now contributing to more and more of his hairline. He turns the heater on, drinking an already lukewarm cup of coffee. He sat in the car for a moment, warming up his hands before heading out. He had no reason to be out here. Erwin realized that when he decided to take vacation days off. There was no reason for this. Part of him felt like he needed to show face, but to who, that was unclear. He figured he just did it to make himself feel better.

            He decided to just drive for a long hour before returning to the motel. It was good to clear his mind. The magazine had done well ever since he had been able to reclaim his credibility. That in itself, was all at the hands of Levi.

            Erwin had not seen her since her disappearance. He promised himself not to pursue, but Erwin seemed to spend a lot of time breaking that promise, looking for her. It had been a whole year since his son’s death, and even longer for Annie. The cases turned cold. As he thought. Levi seemed to have left everything behind. Her motorcycle was at an impound lot, but Erwin found no clues inside. She didn’t give indications of where she was. Instead, it would be three months later after Manfred’s death, in a scandal that blew the lid off of the Reiss family’s offshore accounts.

            This in turn, was able to give Erwin some leeway in being rectified. He was wrongfully attacked by the Reiss, whom of which Erwin had said had many other illegal finances on top of offshore accounting. He didn’t really have to say much; Rod Reiss was so pissed that he was adamant about catching the person who stole millions from him. Supposedly it was a computer hacker, who entered the bank in the Cayman Islands physically to retrieve several million U.S. dollars out of the Reiss’s account, who then later leaked the information online.

            At first, Erwin wondered if Levi was playing him. From what was caught on film, she was dressed in a men’s suit, black blazer and white collared shirt. She had blond hair, just past her ear, and she had grey eyes. She looked like Manfred, for a split second, in Erwin’s mind. And he wondered if she had done that on purpose. If she really wanted Erwin to see her, to recognize her. He liked to believe she was drawing attention to herself, instead of just spitting in his face about his own son. The security cameras didn’t catch much of her, but there was a clear point where she looks at one of the cameras. She doesn’t smile, or frown, just glancing, and disappearing around a corner.

            Erwin learned the overall pull was something around $24 million dollars. The Reiss family had quite a reason to be mad at such a heavy blow to the bank. Yet nobody could find the money, or where it went. The money was transferred to at least 20 different countries, and 30 different banks as well as some charities, supposedly. Erwin wondered what Levi was planning. He always wondered that.

            Erwin wondered if that year ago, if they had just spoken, that maybe Levi would’ve let him come along with her. There was no way to tell if the mutilations ceased. There was always murders happening, although mutilation was quite rare. However, it did seem that the cold cases stayed cold, and nothing new sprung up once Levi was gone. It didn’t look good.

_I want to tell you I’m innocent._

            Erwin remembered the whole email, but those words stuck out to him. That she herself didn’t believe she was innocent. Her email did seem to indicate she had something to do with Manfred’s death. Yet her words were so vague. Her words almost seemed scared. It was the last line that always bugged him.

_Please don’t follow me._

            Please was a rare word in her vocabulary. He learned that much in the short winter months he spent with her. Erwin wanted to respect her wishes, but all the same, he wanted to see her again, and he wanted to be there, helping her again. Or perhaps, letting her help him.

            After the Reiss incident, Levi never showed up again. Not once. Erwin looked for her, wondering if she’d send emails. He still called Nanaba once a month to inquire if they heard anything, or found anything. But even professional hackers like them and Hanji couldn’t seem to find Levi. They figured she had a new identity now. For her own sake. Erwin asked sometimes about what Levi was like, but it seemed she was a mystery no matter where she went. Erwin felt pathetic. Hopelessly chasing after Levi like she was his teenage crush.

            There was a more specific reason than the anniversary as to why Erwin returned to Oregon. He just wondered to himself if he was serious about this. Erwin returned to the motel room, and thought long and hard about the conversation he and Mike had a year ago. He had too much to lose. He couldn’t take the risk anymore. Mike himself had gotten into a few skirmishes in his own career. Mostly involving belligerent criminals, and Mike had long since retired Annie’s case. There were too many crimes to solve, letting cases go was something that was too easy to do. So Annie’s death went unsolved just like his own son. Nile slowly accepted such a fate. Erwin however, had always been sure that he knew something was wrong.

            Erwin undid his coat, hanging in the motel closet. He washed his face, and combed through his hair before applying some cologne. Erwin pulled over his small carry-on sized suitcase, and pulled out a folder of which he had been carrying for a while. Copies of Annie’s case which he had gone over. Erwin had copies of Manfred’s case as well, although he was not supposed to have copied anything down. Erwin had vague information on Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun, and Armin Arlert. He was hoping to change that.

            After paying for his motel room and returning the key, Erwin left Portland, and started his drive down to Salem.

            Her name was Heidi Braun. She was ten years older than Erwin, a tall woman, rounded features, somewhat muscular, though for a while she had settled her usual job of weight training after becoming a mother, and she had gained weight that she never really lost. She had short blond hair, electric yellow eyes, and thin eyebrows that seemed to always look angry. However, when Erwin first spoke to her, she had a gentle voice, despite her steel complexion. Perhaps, it was just the topic that made her so quiet and humble.

            When Erwin first called, he wanted to connect with the woman. At first, he stated the simple fact that he was a journalist, and already he had gone off on a bad start.

            “I don’t talk to journalist anymore.” Heidi huffed. She didn’t hang up, surprisingly, Erwin assumed she would. “What do you want from me?”

            Thinking through everything, he had already thought of a speech to give her. “I am reviving the investigation of a case I was working on about a year ago. It involved a mutilated girl named Annie Dawk. I believe her case, your sons case, and even my own son’s death may be connected. I have ignored this for too long out of fear of hurting anyone. I want to catch this murderer. I want to find someone I have been looking for. Someone who I think knows what’s going on. I think you are one of the few people of many that may have had their child taken away from them through what may or may not be methodical or nonsensical killing. I want to talk to you, because I believe if we compile our evidence, then there’s a chance we might find something.”

            But that sounded terrible, and Erwin couldn’t bring himself to say that out loud. Instead, he just spoke quietly, holding his evidence folder. “We both had our son taken from us by a killer who never got caught. My son was also mutilated like yours. I think the killer is tied to both our cases. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to ask you some questions about what happened to your son.”

            She didn’t respond for a while. Erwin assumed she was about to hang up. And then her voice changed, she sounded, relieved, maybe even, humbled. “I see.” She said, and Erwin wasn’t sure exactly what he expected her to say. He felt there was a thousand different ways to have put his question together, but, regardless, it worked.

            She had a small home, a garden that had died early in winter, and now slick ice was on the dirt. There was only one bush of roses that was a soft pinkish-white. Erwin stepped to the small porch, and greeted the woman, she was quite a bit shorter than him, and fairly stocky. She didn’t seem happy or sad to see him. She just seemed curious. Erwin found her house had many photos of her family. She explained, she had six children, most of whom were now very successful, many who were athletes since most inherited their father’s physique, as she put it. She hovered over one picture. It was a young boy, but he was Erwin’s height, towering over Heidi. He was muscular, and tall, and had a cocky looking smile, and his mother’s eyes.

            “This is… Reiner.” Erwin asked, once he noticed she’d gone silent.

            She nodded. “Yes. One of the last pictures we took together.” Her eyes seemed to get wet, but she didn’t cry. She dabbed her eyes. “He was a good kid… not that he didn’t have his own problems, but… nothing to warrant what happened to him.”

            “Can you tell me what happened, or anything leading up to it?”

            “Well… it…” she sighed. “Nothing different had been going on. Reiner had just started going out with his friends. He went out one night to a party. He didn’t come home. After that, we put out a missing person’s report. It was around this time of year…”

            Erwin glanced out the window to that grey-blue sky. “Right.” Erwin nodded. “He passed away at the end of January.”

            “That’s what they said.”

            “If it bothers you, I don’t want you to feel obligated to answer me.” Erwin pulled out a yellow lined notepad and a pen. He kept a tape recorder in his pocket, but he had already started it before entering the house. “This will make you uncomfortable. I understand that. I need to know something. My son was mutilated, and the killer seemed to have taken his liver, and possibly his ear… your son… did the same happen to him?”

            Heidi looks pale, but she nods in agreement. She rises, and walks over to the bookshelf, pulling a large three ring binder off the highest shelf. She pulls out a file, and some pictures of Reiner. It was him on the autopsy table, eyes shut, blood smears on his mouth, his chest and torso covered in lacerations. She shuddered. Erwin had a feeling it’d been a long time.

            “I don’t want to reopen wounds.” Erwin spoke up, seeing the woman was starting to shake just looking at the album. He put his hand on top of hers. His hands were frigid. “I want to try and put an end to this.”

            “I understand.” She replied. “But it still… difficult.”

            The two sat at the kitchen table. It was big enough for a family of ten, but the two just sat across from each other. Erwin with his files, and Heidi with hers. She slid over the binder to him, showing the filing of Reiner’s autopsy report. Erwin checked over the writing that was there, the handwriting giving him a bit of a challenge to read.

            “His tongue…?” Erwin remarked.

            She nodded. She couldn’t look Erwin in the eye. Erwin wrote down the information, glancing over the book. There was graphic detail of the murder. Of when was most likely the time of death. Everything laid out in specifics. Nothing of that interested Erwin. There was a copy of a string of DNA, Erwin focused in on it. He pulled out his own files, looking over the unidentified.

            “This here.” Erwin pointed out the DNA sequence. “This is unidentified. Yes?”

            She nodded. “They believe it was the killer… but it was never for sure.”

            “May I have a copy of it?” Erwin asked.

            She nodded. “I… I have no reason to keep it. You may as well take the whole thing.”

            Erwin blinked, surprised. He didn’t think it would be that easy. But the folder wouldn’t have everything he needed. “Thank you. I’ll take care of it.” Erwin turned the pages over, and folded the binder shut. He set it down on his now growing pile of evidence. “There’s still some things I need to ask you. This might specific.”

            “Okay… what is it?” Heidi did seem a bit unnerved by Erwin’s very presence, but he knew he didn’t exactly look good since he had been sleepless since he arrived yesterday.

            “Did Reiner ever get institutionalized?”

            Heidi blinked. “Yes.”

            “When?”

            “When?” She glanced down. “Oh… it must’ve been… around…” she shut her eyes tight. “Summer, 1995? I believe it was then… Reiner… he had some issues, mentally. As a child, he used to have… imaginary friends. Used to think they were real… he would disassociate. Reiner would hurt other kids in school, and then he claimed he didn’t do it. At first I believed Reiner… but it started becoming obvious that something was… off. They said he may have a multiple personality disorder.”

            “So you institutionalized him?”

            “Well, not exactly. We learned of different treatments, tried some medicines, tried a child therapist… we met someone who was involved with child mental health, and he asked us if we wanted to have Reiner stay with them. He worked at a children’s hospital.”

            “Do you remember his name?”

            “No… not really.” She replied. “I… I think Reiner spent two years there.”

            “Did he get better?”

            “Well… we liked to think he did.” Heidi remarked. “He… he had memory loss issues still, but he didn’t seem to be disassociating himself… he just… genuinely became forgetful.”

            Erwin leaned in. “Was Reiner afraid of lightning when he came home?”

            Heidi narrowed her eyes at the question. She glanced down at the folder of Reiner. “Well I…” she cupped her hand over her mouth, running her fingers over her jaw while she thought. “There isn’t a lot of lightning storms around here, but, one did come through… yes, he was terrified. Reiner would go stiff and hide inside the basement. We didn’t find him until the storm had passed… he looked like he saw a ghost.”

            “Did Reiner sleepwalk?”

            Heidi blinked, still scratching her chin, a bit confused by the questions. “There was times where he would go out at night… but… he would forget what happened. Reiner had no clue where he went sometimes. But… I don’t think he was sleepwalking.”

            “Did he ever go catatonic? Or, perhaps, did he freak out when he felt static electricity? Say… he got shocked by an outlet? Did he have a bad reaction to something like that?”

            Heidi blinked a few times, by now, she was somewhat confused. “There was one time where he shocked himself trying to set up the T.V. with his father—” Heidi gestured to the family room where the T.V. was located. “He… he just, froze up. Reiner… Reiner didn’t ever really use the T.V. after that—I just… I’m sorry, I don’t understand. What are you trying to get at?”

            “Nothing specific. Not yet.” Erwin explained, continuing to write down what Heidi had said to him, “He only acted this way after he came home?”

            She nodded.

            “All right.” Erwin looked down at what he’d written. “Thank you for your time. I understand this is difficult to talk about. I’ll return this binder if you ever want it back. In the meantime, I’ll go over it.” Erwin stood, and shook Heidi’s hand, she came closer, and hugged Erwin. Erwin just let it happen, placing his hand over her shoulder, while the other hand kept his paperwork secured.

            “Please be safe.” She spoke quietly under her breath. “Find this person. Please.”

            “I will.” Erwin replied.

            It doesn’t seem like there’s anything more to say. Erwin shoves Reiner’s folder into his suitcase, and bids Heidi goodbye. Erwin returns his rental car after his drive to the Portland airport, and in the next hour, he’s on an airplane ride to Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

* * *

Regina and George Hoover. Parents to Bertolt Hoover. Erwin had already gotten on the phone with them. He continued these journeys seemly going on nothing but what he thought in his heart he should say. The family did not hand over the folder, but Erwin was able to get a copy of unidentified DNA that was at the crime scene. He flew to Ogden, Utah. Armin Arlert was an orphaned after a freak car accident. His grandfather raised him, but unfortunately passed just before he turned 18. Armin would die two years later. Nobody knew him well enough to have any idea as to why someone would kill him. Nobody had evidence. Erwin didn’t want to do it, but he decided to call in some help.

            “Don’t tell me your opening this up again. Erwin, you need to let it go.”

            “I’m not obsessing over it.” Erwin didn’t feel like that was the truth, but maybe Mike would believe it. “I need to see if there’s a connection. Can you access case files from another PD as the Chief?”

            Mike sighed. “I don’t want to enable you on this.”

            “Mike. This is important.” Erwin replied. “I’m looking for something specific okay? I need to know if there was unidentified DNA in Armin Arlert’s case.”

            “This is not your job.”

            “You don’t need to tell me again Mike.” Erwin replied. “I know. It’s been a year now. Mike, Levi’s been gone for a year now too. I know it’s not my job, I’ve got a very busy job, but I have an idea of something I didn’t consider beforehand.”

            “And what might that be?”

            “Who was present at the crime scene.” Erwin explained. “I think the DNA samples might have a clue.”

            “Erwin, if it’s unidentified, that means it’s not in our database. If it’s not in the national police database, what makes you think you’ll find who it belongs to?”

            “You have the victim’s DNA on a database, don’t you?” Erwin asked.

            “Of course. It’s a crime Erwin, we compiled all the evidence we could get.”

            “I want to cross examine it.”

            “With what?”

            “With the killer’s DNA.”

            “You think these people killed each other?”

            “Not necessarily.” Erwin replied. “Can you do this for me Mike?”

            A long pause. Erwin hears Mike’s chair creaking, and then a sigh.

            “I guess I could.” Mike replied. “But I don’t want anything happening to you. I want you to stay out of this whole thing. If this comes up dry, then that’s it.”

            “Thank you.” Erwin replied.

            Mike sighed. “Why do I deal with you?”

            “It was nice talking to you too.” Erwin replied, and after a short goodbye, he hung up.

            Mike was able to email Erwin some copies of Armin Arlert’s murder case later on. When Erwin skimmed over the information, he was able to form several similarities. One, all of them had body parts taken from them, two, all of them disappeared at least a day before the murder, three, all of them had been institutionalized; even his son, which Erwin had not been aware of until Lucia explained it was some time after Erwin left them. There were many variables. None of the bodies had the same organ taken from them. For Manfred, his liver, for Annie, her eyes, for Reiner, his tongue, for Bertolt, his heart, and for Armin, a part of his brain. For Reiner, Annie, and Armin, they were all afraid of lightning. Erwin found nothing to suggest Armin or Manfred ever sleepwalked. All of them were institutionalized at different times, although the timelines did overlap in some places. And the most baffling part of it all; none of them went to the same institution.

            If that was the case, then why did they all leave different institutions with similar problems? What did this have to do with them being killed?

            So Erwin’s speculation fell to where he was now. In a small motel, with a large desk that sat in front of a mirror on the wall, adjacent to the T.V. Papers splayed all over the table, photos of corpses, autopsy reports, missing person’s cases, yellow note paper of his own timelines, his charts of what was similar and different, his laptop sitting on some other papers he couldn’t find a place to organize them into. Erwin finally compiled his small hunch; the unidentified DNA. On paper, DNA was simply some lines of black dots. Still, every sequence was unique. Erwin didn’t have them on transparent paper, so he put them over a lamp in the motel room, and brought the other papers over. The first one that screamed out to him, was Annie and Armin. They knew each other, communicated effectively.

            Erwin had the DNA sequence what was assumed to be Armin’s killer. He took Annie’s, which was on database now since her death. Erwin a blank paper over the screen of his laptop, and taking a sharpie, he started to fill in the DNA sequence, copying it as best he could. He wanted to be as accurate as possible. Once that was done, he brought Annie’s DNA sequence, and held the papers over the lamp, seeing where the variations formed.

            There were no variations.

            He didn’t know if he should smile or sigh, so Erwin did neither.

            That confirmed his theory. Annie was present when Armin was murdered.

            He placed it over Bertolt’s killer. The sequence matched again. She was there when he died too.

            Reiner’s killer was also a match.

            Part of it perplexed Erwin, but not by much. Annie was not only present, but she was involved enough to shed blood at the scene of the crime. It might not have been far off to label her as the killer. If so, who killed Annie? Well, Erwin knew the sequence of DNA matched Manfred. So they were both killed by the same person.

            Erwin didn’t have to kid himself. He knew who the DNA belonged to.

            When he started to think about it, he knew he may as well retire to bed. There was no way he was going to get it out of his head. Erwin stretched his arms and stepped away from the laptop. He rubbed his tired eyes with his thumb and index finger. After putting all the evidence together, he stored it back in the large three ring binder. After that, he went to shower. He thought long and hard about what he now knew was fact. Annie was present for three different murders. Levi was present for two. Annie might’ve been present for a forth murder, but Erwin could not find anything exclusively about a boy named Marcel that was killed in 1999. The inquiry was too vague. Even when he was looking for a mutilation case.

            Why would Levi kill Annie? Why would she kill Manfred? Why would Annie kill the other three? It had been a whole year, and there was still so many whys spinning in his head.

            After Christmas vacation, Erwin had returned home again for the holiday, but he could tell there was somber glances from anyone who looked at him. It was Gertrude’s first Christmas without her brother. Her hair was purple now. She didn’t seem to want presents. Although she still dressed in studded leather jackets, and wore black lipstick, she was much quieter. She’d grown too sad too fast. She had lost a lot of her friends. Where they could move on to a happier lifestyle, Gertrude was struggling, so instead of waiting for her, they left her. She didn’t seem to care anymore. On Christmas she just drank a fair bit of egg nog and hummed to her one-and-a-half-year-old cousin. Erwin sat with his family for a long time, unable to stop thinking about his son, and it finally got to him. He spent his vacation with his family, but he waited until he could request a vacation from his own company so he could return to the case on his own time. Of course, it was when the anniversary came that Erwin was too overwhelmed with the need to do this that he finally went into action.

            Externally, his life had been peaceful since Levi left. She never surfaced again after the Reiss fiasco. She had single-handedly given Erwin his reputation back. Yet she was always in the back of his mind, to the point that he felt obsessive. Erwin wanted to believe she was safe. She’d taken 24 million dollars, so that seemed like a good cushion. He would then wonder why he even cared about her safety. She was most likely a murderer. Yet, no matter how obvious that seemed to be, Erwin never believed it. He never believed Levi was a killer. And as it went on, he couldn’t believe Annie was a killer either.

            What motive did either of them have for killing these people?

            Erwin wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to that. So far, he had confirmed very little, but had brought a lot to speculate about into the spotlight. He stood in the hot shower spray, feeling the ache of exhaustion overcome him. Erwin had little sleep in the past week, and by next week he would have to return to his job. In the end this might’ve gotten him nowhere, two weeks was not enough to get anything substantial, but for now, he was finally content with his information, he had brought some puzzle pieces together. So he kept the files close to him as he climbed into bed, and slowly nodded off.

            In his dreams, he only saw vivid images of dying bodies. Reiner, Bertolt, Armin, Annie, all grotesquely massacred as he imagined them. His son, clinging to his leg as he bled out before him, his face bitten at by bugs. All of them rotting away. And Manfred would slowly fall apart, turning to fire, and smoke and dust. Erwin woke in a cold sweat. He would’ve glanced at the time, but he sat there, staring at the ceiling. Regardless of the time, Erwin knew that was all the sleep he was getting tonight.

* * *

 

_Six Months Later_

* * *

 

Nick sat at dinner, peacefully eating a steak. He sat in a dimly lit restaurant in downtown Seattle. Levi had never left his mind. He could still feel the scars of the injuries she caused him, and the tattoo on his body still remained. She haunted him, in every disgusting black clothed goth, he worried if she was somewhere nearby, trying to hunt him. She disappeared, and at first he was elated to hear it. He hoped she’d wind up dead, and even considered looking around her house for that stupid video of hers.

            She hadn’t gone on any missing persons list. It seemed no friend or family loved her enough to even report it. Nick didn’t care at all. At least, he didn’t want to. Although the secretary of the office had taken note that she had been contacted about it, nobody else had mentioned Levi for at least two months. Nick was happy to think she was gone. And then she returned. Not in physical form, but in the form of a message.

_Nicholas, you will uphold my promise, or you will suffer for it. Write your monthly reports. I never left Seattle. I am still doing fine. I am still an angel on paper, or else our little film is going to be at every news station in Seattle._

_Don’t think I’m not watching you._

_You know who._

            Threats would come whenever Nick even considered writing something badly about Levi, or talked about her in emails or online in general. He had contacted a tattoo laser removal shop through phone, and he received another email that she would carve it all on his face if he even tried. Nick shied away from it. The bitch had the nerve to control him this way, and Nick wished more than anything that she was dead and this was all a lie. But he couldn’t tempt fate. That video she had would ruin him. He couldn’t allow it to happen.

            None of the emails came from a source Nick could trace. He even considered finding some sort of hacker to figure out where the emails were coming from. Nick himself couldn’t help growing curious of where Levi went. Still, he always decided against his ideas. She was his biggest mistake so far, and her being gone was all he wanted, even if he felt like he had to look over his shoulder in case she was there. Nick had returned to some old churches around Seattle to give advice to some of the other pastors who had just gotten started. He was continuing his own life. One church member had asked him if he could be a Pastor since he had tattoos that ‘defiled the temple that was his body’. Nick told him that tattoos were simply a reminder that anyone can move on from their past life, and it would be a good reminder to non-believers.

            Nick found most of his days were peaceful, and he was busy with legal work and his religious affairs. He never thought much about Levi except for more vicious fantasies of her possible death whenever her threats didn’t come in. It was around three months into Levi’s disappearance that he found a chunk of money missing from his own bank accounts. He’d apparently donated a couple hundred dollars to a non-profit organization he’d never heard of. He tried to go after the bank, or the organization, for scamming him, but that was not the case. Another message from Levi.

_Don’t report the missing money. I’ll take more than your money out of your life, Nick._

            “That whore is really going to get me at every angle…” Nick only hoped more money wouldn’t drain from his account. It bothered him that Levi could do it. How the hell was she even doing it? He realized she was crafty, she had hidden a camera on her body, and she had found a way to buy rohypnol just as he had. She probably had other sources that she worked with, possibly other people who would let her know about Nick? The thoughts only bothered him more. He would look the way of anyone who looked at him funny. Could it be someone was watching him? He felt his skin crawl at the thought. Now it could be anyone, not just Levi, someone being some incessant informant for Levi. They could be tapping his phone even… Hacking into his computer, invading his bank account. When would she just go away for good?

            Late August was one of the drier months in Seattle. The month marked a halfway point since Levi disappeared in February. One and a half years. For the past couple of months, he had never stepped out of line, so Levi never messaged him. He could say with certainty, that if he acted like Levi never existed, he was at peace. Unfortunately, she had made sure he didn’t leave his position as her guardian since another one coming in would obvious raise alarm at the fact she wasn’t there. Nick tried not to care. He tried his hardest. This was a nice time of year, and he walked home quietly in the August evening, ever so often brushing the pocket knife he ordered online at least a year ago. Nick felt a lot more secure with it.

            That night, he groomed himself, already used to the tattoo on his stomach staring back at him while he brushed his teeth in the mirror. He drank a bit of wine with his sleeping pill, as he often did, and went to bed, fast asleep as he could be.

            He awoke to the sudden sound of a door slamming, and he heard boots stamping around his house. Nick was disoriented, but he scrambled around his nightstand, and pulled out the pocketknife.  He flipped the blade out, and braced himself for whatever intruder had entered his house. The next moment confused him. Whoever had just rudely awakened him, decided to just flick the lights on, not even hiding their existence. Nick wrapped himself in a bathrobe, and peered outside into his living room.

            What Nick saw almost made him drop his knife.

            It was Levi.

            She just stood there, her back to him, flipping through the King James version of the bible. She was dressed as she usually was, black leather jacket and long black jeans. She was holding a motorcycle helmet, boots caked in mud. Though, something felt off. To Nick, the way she held herself was different. Nothing he could figure out, but noticeably different.

            Then she turned around, and stared him down.

            A large smile donned Levi’s face. Or, this fake Levi. Nick was tense, and confused. This person looked to be the spitting image of Levi, but they didn’t act like it.

            “Pastor Nick, right?” The voice, it’s deeper than Levi’s, just a bit, her Adams apple isn’t shaved anymore. Still smooth baby faced, but perhaps that was just what Levi looked like without the hormone.

            A sudden pain came to Nick’s hand, and he drops the kitchen knife. He realizes this Levi has twisted his fingers, approaching him very suddenly. She laughs. Or, he laughs. They look so androgynous it’s hard to tell. Then the new Levi picked up the Pastor’s knife and held it at him.

            “Were you gonna hurt me with this thing?” Levi asked, and then cackled at him. They grabbed the blade, and snapped it out of the plastic sheathe. Nick just stood there, horrified at how suddenly this was happening.

            “You vanished. You were gone. I’ve been upholding your deal. What do you want? I thought you said you never wanted to see me again.”

            Levi cackled.

            “She said that did she?” they returned, and dropped the broken pocket knife. “Wow, I didn’t think she was the threatening type. You got a deal with her? So you keep in touch?”

            Nick was numb, frozen while whoever was this Not-Levi was asking questions about Levi. In an instant he felt pain in his hand again, and the Not-Levi had snatched his hand, and started bending one of his fingers.

            “Come now, I don’t have all night. Tell me who you are and I’ll tell you what I want, got it?”

            “I… I am Pastor Nichola—”

            “Leave him alone.”

            For a second, Nick thought he was saved. The Not-Levi released him, and skulked away, going to the front door. And then another man walked in. He was huge, just about the same height as Nick, but heftier, muscular, obviously athletic, though he was lean, not physically big or barrel chested type muscles. He had circular glasses, and long blond hair that just came past his ears. He had a thin beard and a mustache to match. He wore a suit, no tie, button up white shirt. Nick recognized him immediately. He stepped back, pressing himself against the wall beside the doorway.

            “Zeke.” Nick spoke up.

            “Ah.” Zeke muttered. “So you remember me.”

            “How could I forget you?” Nick huffed. “You and your crazy experimental—”

            “Just be quiet.” Zeke hissed. “We need something from you.”

            “What? Why? Why me?”

            “It's not of your concern.” Zeke remarked. “We’re in the process of cleaning up a mess. And— Stop that.” Zeke was looking to the other Levi, who was fiddling with some of Nick’s books.

            “We’re just looking for papers, right?” they asked.

            “I will be looking for them.” Zeke replied. “You destroy everything you touch.”

            “But you want to destroy it.”

            “I know that.” Zeke barked. “Now sit down and keep your hands to yourself you freak.”

            The other Levi stuck their tongue out, but then promptly walked over to the couch and sat down, folding their arms. Nick glanced between the two of them. Zeke stared at Nick. “Whatever our old relations may have been, it’s got nothing to do with why I’m here now. Understand?”’

            Nick nodded.

            “I’m here for documents from 1989 to 1995 detailing Levi Ackerman’s medical history.”

            Nick knit his brow. He didn’t try to object. He had a feeling he knew what this was about. “I thought… I thought those were confidential—”

            “They are. Now we need them. So where are they?”

            “I… They aren’t here.”

            “He’s lying.” The other Levi spoke up, and Nick blinked, shaking his head.

            “No, that’s not true, they’re… they’re at an old parsonage, out in the country, where I usually go for vacation.” He swallowed. “Why… why is this important?”

            “She disappeared.” Zeke replied. “We can’t find her. But what we want out of her would be the same if you are able to relinquish her documents.”

            Nick nodded, looking down at himself.

            “Unless you know where she is?”

            He glanced between the two intruders, shrugging his shoulders. “She… she was on vacation I imagine.”

            “Some vacation, huh?” the fake Levi whistled in response. “Eighteen months of paid vacation sure sounds nice.”

            “Be quiet.” Zeke barked. Zeke looked to Nick. “You have no clue where she is?”

            “No. None at all. Nobody does.” Nick replied. “And nobody cared. She never showed up on a missing person’s report… so that’s good isn’t it?”

            Zeke shrugged. “Maybe not.”

            Nick was stared down by Zeke for a long while, saying nothing while the air got tense.

            “Well? Where is the documents?”

            “Before I tell you, can I ask something of you?”

            Zeke pursed his lips, and raised a brow. “What?”

            “Levi… she has a video I need back from her.” Nick explained. “I don’t know if she took it with her or not. I need that back. I need it to be destroyed, and every copy of it… if you can do that, I’ll tell you.”

            Zeke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Nick swallowed thickly, looking over the two quietly. Nick knew that Zeke was a reasonable person, even if he didn’t exactly want to be involved with him. He knew if that video was in his hands he could finally get that bitch out of his life. He wanted to make sure they'd get it for him. Zeke thought it through, and came forward. “Where did Levi live?”

            “Her house is abandon, they already declared bankruptcy on it.” Nick pulled out a paper, writing down her address. “This is her old address.”

            “There’s nothing there.” The fake Levi spoke up. “Even if there was, it was ransacked several times…” they picked up another book off of Nick’s bookshelf.

            “You know that for a fact?” Zeke remarked.

            “I’ve been there many times.” They lifted their arms in the air, showing off their jacket. “It’s where I got most of my clothes.”

            “Then why didn’t you say anything?”

            “You never asked.”

            Zeke sighed irritably. “Then where on earth would it be?”

            “I don’t know.” They shrugged, coming closer to Zeke. “I still say we find her. Those papers won’t do us any good if her brain didn’t fizzle out like you think.”

            “She was always declared mentally incompetent. Look where we are now. In her guardian’s home.” Zeke returned. “She vanished. We've already spent enough time looking for her for the past eighteen months. If she returned and somehow recalled everything, who would believe her?”

            The fake Levi smiled. Since Nick never saw Levi smile, he didn’t have anything to compare it too, but the fake one looked mildly scary. Nick felt like at any second they were about to snap, and rip Zeke’s throat out. But they never did. He swallowed, glancing down at his feet.

            “So the papers are the only important thing to you?”

            “Basically.” Zeke replied.

            “You better start looking for that video then. I’ll be looking for her.” The fake Levi tapped Zeke on the shoulder and then headed out the door, as if they were no longer interested in the conversation. Zeke fished around in his pocket, and pulled out a cellphone. He walked over to Nick’s house phone, and copied the number. Nick sat stiff on his couch, watching Zeke, unsure what to do.

            “Are you… hiring me again?”

            “No.” Zeke flipped his phone shut. “You aren’t needed anymore. Hopefully you won't ever be needed anymore. Didn’t work any better than anything else.”

            “Was that… person, one of them?”

            Zeke glanced back towards the door, but the fake had long since exited the apartment building. Zeke sighed.

            “The only one that didn’t fail.” Zeke remarked, sounding a bit bitter about it. Zeke held his phone up for Nick to see. “I’ll be keeping in touch, got it?”

            Nick nodded.

            “When we find something of hers, we’ll let you know… And you will have the documents here, right?”

            “R-right. Of course.” Nick nodded.

            “Good.” Zeke stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. Nick sat at the couch for a long while, before holding his face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief.

            Zeke walked down the stairs, adjusting his black blazer, and glancing around outside. The fake Levi was standing around one of the cars, tracing a circle on one of the windows with their fingertips. “Took you long enough.”

            “What did I say about walking out before I’m finished?”

            “What?" The fake Levi scoffed. "You didn't get the info you wanted? Were you scared? He’s an old man. You could’ve just beat the info out of him, right?”

            “I don’t need to make a mess like you.” Zeke hissed. “We’re in no hurry to get the papers, Levi left long enough ago. I'm sure we can find whatever stupid video he wants and bring it to him. Let’s go.” Zeke huffed, he jerked open the driver’s side door, climbing into the car.

            “What about that reporter guy? Erwin Smith?”

            “What about him?”

            “He and Levi were close right? Should we be… going after him?”

            “He hasn’t pursued the case since six months ago when he started contacting parents. Smith hit a dead end. Nothing came up since. He scared Levi away. If anything he did us a favor.”

            “I certainly don’t think so.”

            “That’s because you like Levi.” Zeke hissed. “Now get in the car, damn it. I want to go.”

            “We’ve been searching the globe for her because you said so. So, I figure you must like her too.”

            Zeke only scowled at them in return.

            The fake Levi sighed, and slipped into the passenger seat, rolling the window down. They glanced outside, towards the small grove of trees across the street from the small apartment complex. For second, it seemed there was a figure there, in one of the trees. They stuck their head out of the window, looking in the dark.

            “Can you stop acting like a dog for two minutes?” Zeke hissed, and rolled up their window.

            The fake Levi tried to get a good glimpse at what they thought they saw. They jerked their head inside when the window closed. There was a mild breeze in a late August night. In the trees, the pigeons flew away. By then the two were already down the road, rounding the corner of the street. The trees rustled a bit more, and a larger figure fell from the branches, out of the darkness, and into the light of the streetlamps.

            Levi landed on her feet. She held her small snake camera, still clipped to her jacket.  She had been up in the trees long enough to get uncomfortable, so she stretched her legs out. She came forward quietly, and watched the car drive away, attempting to engrave the license plate into her memory. She grasped her jacket, pulling the camera off, and pointing it at herself. She wanted to capture her own face. She glanced up towards Nick’s apartment, and shut the camera off. She found the door was already unlocked, the lock seemed to have been picked at, and had scrapes on it. Levi had no care for double checking, and simply opened the door, glancing inside. Nick was in the middle of washing a drink glass out, and sitting it in the drying rack. He stiffened when he heard Levi enter, and turned around.

            “Christ—” Nick jumped. “I thought you were done with me.”

            “Wrong person.” Levi hissed.

            Nick blinked, and his eyes widened. Levi produced a pistol from her pocket, and pointed it at his head. Nick nearly fell to the ground, but kept his hands planted on the kitchen countertops. He leaned backwards, eyes wide.

            “Where are those papers?”

            “I… I already said, they’re at the parsonage.”

            “I didn’t hear what you already said, fool, tell me what you told them.”

            “I didn’t tell them anything. They left after I asked them to…”

            “To what?”

            “To find something for me…” Nick muttered.

            “Find what? The tape?” Levi was only assuming, but he swallowed thick, and it seemed she guessed right. “They won’t find it. Now tell me where the parsonage is. And tell me where you keep the papers. And we’ll be all fine and dandy. Okay? Unless you want me to just drop off the film of us to the Seattle newspapers? What would you prefer?”

            “I… the…” Nick shut his eyes, and breathed, trying not to stare down the barrel of the gun, but it was hard at point black. He was sweating already. He turned his head, looking to the sink. “In the bedroom, there’s a small room above for storage, in the rafters. I… I keep my papers there. Yours are in… they’re in a brown leather briefcase. It should be in a manila envelope.”

            “Good. What’s the address?”

            Nick told her. Levi pointed her gun towards the living room. “Write it down.”

            Nick walked past her, and grabbed one of the journals off his shelf. He felt the barrel of the gun press into the back of his head.

            “Don’t try anything funny. Got it?”

            “Okay…”

            Nick ripped out a page in the book, and groped around for a pencil. He scrawled out the note paper. Then he quietly handed it over to Levi.

            Levi grabbed the paper, and pocketed it. In her right hand, she still held the gun to his head. She lowered it after a few seconds, and Nick sighed.

            “Good.” Levi replied. “I hope you’re telling the truth. For your sake. If I go there and find those papers already got taken… well, I don't exist anymore, so I have no reason not to kill you.” Levi cocked the gun for emphasis on her point.

            “Th-those two d-don’t know where it is. I-I promise I didn’t tell them.”

            “You better hope they don’t know then.” Levi hissed. She tucked the gun into her shoulder holster under her arm, and stepped out towards the door. She heard Nick make a noise, and twisted around, hand still in her jacket, reaching for the gun.

            Nick was pressed to the wall. It seemed he had only leaned over just to breathe. He was sweating, hands trembling somewhat. Levi looked expectantly as his mouth was agape.

            “Where… I thought… You disappeared. You were gone.”

            Levi nodded, and grabbed the door of Nick’s apartment, giving her parting words before exiting.

            “I was. Now I'm back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Your kudos and comments are really appreciated. Find updates on my blog arcadiamahler on tumblr!


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